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I plan on not getting old. No joke at all. I'm in my late 50s and have chosen to stop all but critical medical intervention. I no longer have yearly check ups, stopped all mammograms, stopped 90 percent of my maintenance medications and have all my paperwork in order. I believe cancer will take me since several family members have died from it.
We have an only child and I absolutely refuse to put MY child thru the same thing I have watched my husband experience with his mother.
No hyperbole needed -- I live where the winter temps hit 30 degrees below zero and a population of 600+ bears. I have no intention of fighting a bear but have no qualms of driving into the area, getting lost in a blizzard and ending up as bear food if I don't die of a medical problem first.
Well first...I do have S-children but I would NEVER expect them to care for me in the way that I cared for their dad! I think expecting your children to care for you in your "old age" is selfish.
I decided when I was caring for my Husband that I would not want a friend or relative to care for me so I made the decision to purchase Long Term Care Insurance. Yes it is an expense. But I feel good knowing that I will be able to age in place and not have to move. (The house that I purchased when caring for my Husband is a Ranch that was built "handicap accessible")
If you are not in the position to purchase Long Term Care Insurance then do what you can to save what you can and if possible get into a Continuing Care Community. Yes it is expensive but knowing that you will not have to move as you require more help goes a long way to ease that burden.
The other important thing to do now when you can is get all your "legal ducks in a row" make sure that you have someone that you can count on to act on your behalf for Health and Financial matters when you can no longer make those decisions. And you need to have your wishes in writing as to what you want your care to be. A session with an Elder Care Attorney...yes another expense will be well worth your time.
Live not within your means but below it so that you are not getting into debt. Pay off the debt you have. this is not to say you can not enjoy yourself or take that trip you have always wanted to go on but do you NEED a new car, a 85 inch TV, think about other expenses...going out to dinner once in a while is great but not 4 or 5 times a week.
I'm only 63 and even now I couldn't fight a bear as a previous poster said. So that's out.
I've always tried to take care of my health but am already starting to have aches and pains here and there. My hubs is thinking we'll hire 24 hour in-home help when the time comes. I wonder about that though cause they are doing that for my MIL and she is just bleeding money like there's no tomorrow. How much would you need to save to have that work?
I used to always say "I try to not think about that" when this discussion came up but I realize now that's foolhardy. One can never be too prepared.
Hi Gershun! I agree we have to be prepared. I am 60 and hubby is 74 with Parkinson's and some Parkinson related dementia. He is bedbound now for last 2 years. I HAD to plan. We have no kids and I won't stick our niece and nephews with caring for either of us. We have wills. I have LTC insurance for me. Hubby had conditions that disqualified him from purchasing LTC insurance. But his care is provided by the VA. I'm in the Caregiver Support Program, so he has aid hours. I have set up a Trust to pay for his care in case of my demise. A niece will be trustee when I die, if I die before hubby. Told family hubby will have to be placed in facility if I go first. I have medical and financial POAs assigned. I have told family "pull my plug" and it's all in advance directives. No guesswork about me. I have indicated in writing I want anything that could be used in organ & tissue donation to be taken off me. Funeral and burial/cremation plans made and prepaid. We made our home more handicap accessible for hubby and I will benefit from it until I have to move to AL. And I am slowly decluttering the house. After having to deal with cleaning out my Mom's house, and my Aunt's home upon their demise, I have learned that what we think are meaningful possessions will be overwhelming STUFF to others.
Buying long-term care insurance. Staying out of debt. Living on my pensions and Social Security (actually save/invest about $600/month) so that my money market fund, and investments w/two firms could fund my long-term care, along w/long-term care insurance and selling my condo (which has been paid for since 2016) could fund long-term care. Widowed and my late husband and I weren't blessed w/children.
I will probably call APS and report self neglect. Get a social worker and let them handle it. Hopefully, I will age in grace. Most women I knew had family that acted as POAs for their placement.
I am already there age 77, my mother is 100, so I may still have some time left! I continue to watch my budget and save. I am not frugal but I am cautious.
Since I am 87, it's a matter of what have I done, not what will I do.
I worked till I was 73 so earned a good pension from work as well as maximizing my CPP and OAS. (I am Canadian.) My income is comfortable enough for me to live on, have options and also save a bit. I paid off my house mortgage some years ago, so was able to buy a condo outright for easier living in my senior years. I buy cars that are a couple of years old and pay them off from my savings. I don't like paying interest.
My kids are not interested/suitable to be my POA or health care proxy. I am well aware it is an issue I need to deal with and am looking into resources that could help me with this. My partner is younger than me and would do it, but he has health problems so we will see. My granddaughter is only 22, but might be an option. I look after myself as well as I can, am on only two prescription meds, and have longevity genes from both parents so knew years ago I would have to prepare myself financially for a long old age. Mother lived to 106.
Here in Canada, nursing homes are government funded so that is not a concern for me. Assisted living arrangements vary from fairly expensive (up to $7500/month) self-paid, to partially government-sponsored where costs are rated to your income. There are some decent ones of that kind in my area. I saw them when I toured ALs while making decisions for my mother's care. I believe this phas eof care will be manageable for us. Depending on circumstances, we may hire help to keep us in the condo for longer. There are approved services in our area.
We are not like R's uncle who at 88 has diabetes, high blood pressure, 70% blocked carotid arteries. lives alone in his trailer, has just had his driver's license revoke by his doctor, and will NOT be moved to "one of those feedlots". Some of you will understand that analogue. Thankfully he lives in a small town and has good neighbours who look out for him. Eventually he may have no choice.
Since I' m old as dirt I'm going to care for myself as long as possible, then either hire someone, go into a nursing home or go into the woods, fight a bear, etc till it kills me then let the vultures eat me.
The problem is that as our faculties decline, we are unable to go through the processes you describe. We're either not strong enough or cognitive enough to follow through on the plan. Hire someone? I've been doing that for my husband. It required forms upon forms, vetting of the agency, or vetting of the private caregivers, so I needed a computer and subscription to a background check company, then the paying, then more forms. Same with all your other suggested plans. Most people in decline can't do any of those things for themselves.
Those of us that truly love our children would NEVER want them having to be our caregivers. That is not why I had children anyway. They deserve better. It's up to all of us to get our legal ducks in a row, save best we can for our futures, and do what we can to stay as healthy as possible. Our future is on us, not our children.
Saving and investing, yes, but also long-term-care insurance. That gives me peace of mind. Like Alva, I do not want to burden my adult children, and--as someone said on this forum not too long ago---have them resent my existence.
YaYa, I'm dealing with a long-term care insurance plan that my husband got many years ago. I'm glad that money is there, don't get me wrong. BUT. Dealing with the LTC company, which is rated one of the best in the US, is so difficult. For one thing, there's a 30-day exemption before they honor a claim. For another, communications by phone are extremely difficult - can't even get through sometimes. Submitting the claims is hard. They prefer online submission to their site, and that's what I prefer too. Unfortunately, they don't accept all file types, so I must convert documents to a platform that they accept. My husband has been in a hospital twice, rehab, a memory care, another memory care and had home help with a health care agency, all since last October. The LTC insurance must approve each one. The facility must submit paperwork to be approved. Both can be way behind in approving things. Keeping on top of and filing all the paperwork is a major headache for me.
IF husband instead had NOT paid premiums to the LTC insurance company and had instead opened a savings account, such as establishing a CD ladder and then renewing CDs as they matured, we'd be so much better off. It could have been given a name such as "Money Bank for My LT Care," interest would have accrued, and he'd never have touched that money no matter what. I'd be able to take money out for his care now with NO messy approval process, as I'd be able to use any facility I think best. It would be available instantly, no forms to submit.
Best of all, every bit of money invested in our own LT Care account would be ours. An LTC policy takes your premiums, invests them to benefit themselves, and has the use of that money until you have a claim, at which time they take their own sweet time in paying it.
Just my take. I have been following my own plan for some time, and glad I did it that way.
I see PoA/legal guardianship as an urgent issue for those who have no relatives or trustworthy people/friends to step into this role. I did a basic browser search for "non-profit legal guardian organizations+MN" and multiple places popped up. One of them was Lutheran Social Services, which is the org that provided the court-ordered legal guardian for my SFIL (obviously contracted by the state or county). We were very satisfied (and pleasantly surprised) at the care and compassion that the guardian provided. There was also several layers of transparency with higher-ups and also accountability. All calls included a 3rd person from the organization (oversite for the primary guardian) and all emails were cc'd to same as well. I have no idea how much something like this costs but I am thinking it is an essential part of your aging/decline plan. I'm going to self-report this so admins can move it Discussions.
I like Alva's advice. Save, save, save. It's what I'm doing, but not sure it will be enough. I'm trying to take walks, have a clean diet and just save. I don't have children, but I do have two nieces and a nephew, and I already know not to depend on them. I wouldn't even look for them to help me. I live in a cheap, small apartment. I often want to move and buy, but don't want to spend a lot of money owning, so I live below my means, if you will. It sounds cruel and awful, but I just don't want to get old. It's not what I want, of course. God decides, but I just don't. Seeing how my aunt with dementia is with no children, but she has nieces and a nephew close by who do not want to be bothered, unless they want something. They begged her to move near them, possibly to help them out, but now that she's in need, they have scattered, or tried to push her off on me. I just have to take it one day at at time, and like Alva said, save, work and hope for some good luck along the way.
I've created and organized computer documents about every important aspect of my life. Financial accounts and where to find passwords, social security info, pension info, every single thing I do to run our home (in a document titled "How To Run This Household"), deeds, titles and other legal documents such as my Will scanned to my computer, lists of doctors, disposition of personal possessions. Prepaid funeral plan. Every expense possible is on autopay so that my executor won't have to scramble around figuring out how to keep things going in a stressful time when still mourning my death. Hard copies of these documents are stored in a safe place.
BUT since I've saved everything digitally, all 125 of these documents are saved to a couple of thumb drives, both drives containing the same info. And I've sent the digital folder by DropBox to my executor. She stores it in The Cloud, and a thumb drive is in her safe deposit box.
Most of our heirs work with computers. All of mine do. Long ago I decided that none of them would appreciate paper files or cutesie scrapbooks. Too hard to work with when most things must be done by computer.
I resolved many years ago when my parents left me with a mess of 3 houses cluttered with belongings they collected over 70 years, office building with files going back 50 years and crammed into cardboard boxes and standing file cabinets that hadn't been opened in 20 years, and money in accounts they'd forgotten about, and not enough money in accounts they remembered, that I wouldn't do that to my kids.
My family knows I have enough money scrimped and saved to take care of me! I will not cost them one penny. I never got to go to Paris, though. Sigh. I wish I'd done that before Covid hit and travel got to be not fun.
Wow, hats off to you! You are SUPER organized. I did some of that when I was in my 70s. I wish I'd done it all since, at 88, it seems quite overwhelming. That said, we have a fairly simple life--i.e., one HMO for healthcare, one financial advisor for our retirement funds, a binder with our annual space rent and major renovations, etc. Our Wills, POA, MPOA, prepaid funeral plan, etc. are in folders and on my computer. It's not complete, but it will be a start for our survivors. If my husband (95) and I don't live too much longer, I hope we have enough money to see us through.
You are a stellar example of what I wish I had done while I still had the organizational ability and energy to do it! Y-a-a-y for YOU!
Absolutely terrified here. Mom passed at 96, Dad at 90. So here I am at age 69 working. Hoping to last until age 70 to retire, but even that gives me pause. Hope I've saved enough to last until my 90s. Hope that Social Security and Medicare are still there for me when I need them most (who knows now that chainsaw guy is at the helm). Hope I've saved enough to hire help when I need it. You can plan and plan until the cows come home, but as some say, "you make plans and God laughs." Of course, that's not to say abandon planning, but even the best plans can go astray because of the unanticipated.
Yes!! Chainsaw Guy and "King Donald" are a highly inauspicious duo for anyone who may eventually need what used to be the safety net in America. Like any large system, it probably didn't work perfectly, but I do not believe there has ever been large scale fraud, waste or abuse.
I would never allow my children to be caregiver to me. That said, I always say here that it takes a LIFETIME of good luck, good jobs, good savings habits, coupon clipping and preparation for aging in order to reach age of being what Dave Ramsey calls "self-insured" meaning you are unlikely to outlive your income and need governmental help, and best case scenario or even LESS than best case, you should be able to afford help and make your exit without your children throwing the most carefee and vital time of their lives onto your burning funeral pyre.
When you think of it, we live too long now. Most of us into our 80s. Geaton's Aunt just passed, still strong in mind, at age 105. My SIL is 71 in a month and his Mom still alive at 92, alive and kicking in fact. He is recently retired. My daughter, his wife, retires in another year. Their child is raised and educated and on his own. THIS is the time for them, with a paid mortgage, to enjoy themselves, travel, do the things they love with NO obligation from an old bat like me, 83 years old.
It's a problem. And more and more of a problem I fear in the future. Once the thought was that we were an aging population and because there are so many of us, there would be creations of lovely metropoli for us everywhere. Money began to be invested into elder care. But nope. Hedgefunds and Corporations that a decade ago thought there was money in this have decided there is NOT, and may be even less in future, and are fleeing the ship like so many rats in the know.
So my advice? Save save save save and work work work (hopefully at something you love). Don't put money into supporting aging relatives; you will soon enough need it. Do not depend on your children. Stay as well as you are able--walk, engage with life, eat a decent diet, and live for the day. No matter WHAT you do, tomorrow can't be assured, or predicted. You do the best you can; we are all different; we all make different choices for ourselves.
And, if you can, plan for end of life (EOL). Try to set aside a "Switzerland Fund" or the equivalent so that, hopefully, you will have some options as the end approaches. As AlvaDeer notes, private equity/hedge funds likely will continue to shed LTC facilities if they can't make generous profits for their members.
"King Donald" and his chainsaw-wielding gazillionaire best buddy are looking to make big cuts to Medicaid. These changes could leave my husband and me in a less-than-optimal position at EOL. Although we have financial resources, they are relatively modest by today's standards. (We're far from wealthy after two lengthy careers in the nonprofit sector.) I suspect that there are many elders in a similar situation.
Frankly, I seriously hope to make my Final Exit before I go broke. At 88, I think that is a reasonable, although not assured, possibility. I have never viewed our family as my retirement plan. They will need their funds for their own senior years.
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We have an only child and I absolutely refuse to put MY child thru the same thing I have watched my husband experience with his mother.
No hyperbole needed -- I live where the winter temps hit 30 degrees below zero and a population of 600+ bears. I have no intention of fighting a bear but have no qualms of driving into the area, getting lost in a blizzard and ending up as bear food if I don't die of a medical problem first.
That's my old age plan.
I have already told my wife to just put a pillow over my face when the time comes, but I don't think she is going to do it.
I decided when I was caring for my Husband that I would not want a friend or relative to care for me so I made the decision to purchase Long Term Care Insurance. Yes it is an expense. But I feel good knowing that I will be able to age in place and not have to move. (The house that I purchased when caring for my Husband is a Ranch that was built "handicap accessible")
If you are not in the position to purchase Long Term Care Insurance then do what you can to save what you can and if possible get into a Continuing Care Community. Yes it is expensive but knowing that you will not have to move as you require more help goes a long way to ease that burden.
The other important thing to do now when you can is get all your "legal ducks in a row" make sure that you have someone that you can count on to act on your behalf for Health and Financial matters when you can no longer make those decisions. And you need to have your wishes in writing as to what you want your care to be. A session with an Elder Care Attorney...yes another expense will be well worth your time.
Live not within your means but below it so that you are not getting into debt.
Pay off the debt you have.
this is not to say you can not enjoy yourself or take that trip you have always wanted to go on but do you NEED a new car, a 85 inch TV, think about other expenses...going out to dinner once in a while is great but not 4 or 5 times a week.
I've always tried to take care of my health but am already starting to have aches and pains here and there. My hubs is thinking we'll hire 24 hour in-home help when the time comes. I wonder about that though cause they are doing that for my MIL and she is just bleeding money like there's no tomorrow. How much would you need to save to have that work?
I used to always say "I try to not think about that" when this discussion came up but I realize now that's foolhardy. One can never be too prepared.
I agree we have to be prepared. I am 60 and hubby is 74 with Parkinson's and some Parkinson related dementia. He is bedbound now for last 2 years. I HAD to plan. We have no kids and I won't stick our niece and nephews with caring for either of us.
We have wills. I have LTC insurance for me. Hubby had conditions that disqualified him from purchasing LTC insurance. But his care is provided by the VA. I'm in the Caregiver Support Program, so he has aid hours. I have set up a Trust to pay for his care in case of my demise. A niece will be trustee when I die, if I die before hubby. Told family hubby will have to be placed in facility if I go first. I have medical and financial POAs assigned. I have told family "pull my plug" and it's all in advance directives. No guesswork about me. I have indicated in writing I want anything that could be used in organ & tissue donation to be taken off me.
Funeral and burial/cremation plans made and prepaid.
We made our home more handicap accessible for hubby and I will benefit from it until I have to move to AL.
And I am slowly decluttering the house. After having to deal with cleaning out my Mom's house, and my Aunt's home upon their demise, I have learned that what we think are meaningful possessions will be overwhelming STUFF to others.
I'm prepared to handle the worst.
I worked till I was 73 so earned a good pension from work as well as maximizing my CPP and OAS. (I am Canadian.) My income is comfortable enough for me to live on, have options and also save a bit. I paid off my house mortgage some years ago, so was able to buy a condo outright for easier living in my senior years. I buy cars that are a couple of years old and pay them off from my savings. I don't like paying interest.
My kids are not interested/suitable to be my POA or health care proxy. I am well aware it is an issue I need to deal with and am looking into resources that could help me with this. My partner is younger than me and would do it, but he has health problems so we will see. My granddaughter is only 22, but might be an option. I look after myself as well as I can, am on only two prescription meds, and have longevity genes from both parents so knew years ago I would have to prepare myself financially for a long old age. Mother lived to 106.
Here in Canada, nursing homes are government funded so that is not a concern for me. Assisted living arrangements vary from fairly expensive (up to $7500/month) self-paid, to partially government-sponsored where costs are rated to your income. There are some decent ones of that kind in my area. I saw them when I toured ALs while making decisions for my mother's care. I believe this phas eof care will be manageable for us. Depending on circumstances, we may hire help to keep us in the condo for longer. There are approved services in our area.
We are not like R's uncle who at 88 has diabetes, high blood pressure, 70% blocked carotid arteries. lives alone in his trailer, has just had his driver's license revoke by his doctor, and will NOT be moved to "one of those feedlots". Some of you will understand that analogue. Thankfully he lives in a small town and has good neighbours who look out for him. Eventually he may have no choice.
It's up to all of us to get our legal ducks in a row, save best we can for our futures, and do what we can to stay as healthy as possible.
Our future is on us, not our children.
IF husband instead had NOT paid premiums to the LTC insurance company and had instead opened a savings account, such as establishing a CD ladder and then renewing CDs as they matured, we'd be so much better off. It could have been given a name such as "Money Bank for My LT Care," interest would have accrued, and he'd never have touched that money no matter what. I'd be able to take money out for his care now with NO messy approval process, as I'd be able to use any facility I think best. It would be available instantly, no forms to submit.
Best of all, every bit of money invested in our own LT Care account would be ours. An LTC policy takes your premiums, invests them to benefit themselves, and has the use of that money until you have a claim, at which time they take their own sweet time in paying it.
Just my take. I have been following my own plan for some time, and glad I did it that way.
I don't have children, but I do have two nieces and a nephew, and I already know not to depend on them. I wouldn't even look for them to help me.
I live in a cheap, small apartment. I often want to move and buy, but don't want to spend a lot of money owning, so I live below my means, if you will.
It sounds cruel and awful, but I just don't want to get old. It's not what I want, of course. God decides, but I just don't. Seeing how my aunt with dementia is with no children, but she has nieces and a nephew close by who do not want to be bothered, unless they want something. They begged her to move near them, possibly to help them out, but now that she's in need, they have scattered, or tried to push her off on me.
I just have to take it one day at at time, and like Alva said, save, work and hope for some good luck along the way.
BUT since I've saved everything digitally, all 125 of these documents are saved to a couple of thumb drives, both drives containing the same info. And I've sent the digital folder by DropBox to my executor. She stores it in The Cloud, and a thumb drive is in her safe deposit box.
Most of our heirs work with computers. All of mine do. Long ago I decided that none of them would appreciate paper files or cutesie scrapbooks. Too hard to work with when most things must be done by computer.
I resolved many years ago when my parents left me with a mess of 3 houses cluttered with belongings they collected over 70 years, office building with files going back 50 years and crammed into cardboard boxes and standing file cabinets that hadn't been opened in 20 years, and money in accounts they'd forgotten about, and not enough money in accounts they remembered, that I wouldn't do that to my kids.
My family knows I have enough money scrimped and saved to take care of me! I will not cost them one penny. I never got to go to Paris, though. Sigh. I wish I'd done that before Covid hit and travel got to be not fun.
You are a stellar example of what I wish I had done while I still had the organizational ability and energy to do it! Y-a-a-y for YOU!
That said, I always say here that it takes a LIFETIME of good luck, good jobs, good savings habits, coupon clipping and preparation for aging in order to reach age of being what Dave Ramsey calls "self-insured" meaning you are unlikely to outlive your income and need governmental help, and best case scenario or even LESS than best case, you should be able to afford help and make your exit without your children throwing the most carefee and vital time of their lives onto your burning funeral pyre.
When you think of it, we live too long now. Most of us into our 80s. Geaton's Aunt just passed, still strong in mind, at age 105. My SIL is 71 in a month and his Mom still alive at 92, alive and kicking in fact. He is recently retired. My daughter, his wife, retires in another year. Their child is raised and educated and on his own. THIS is the time for them, with a paid mortgage, to enjoy themselves, travel, do the things they love with NO obligation from an old bat like me, 83 years old.
It's a problem. And more and more of a problem I fear in the future. Once the thought was that we were an aging population and because there are so many of us, there would be creations of lovely metropoli for us everywhere. Money began to be invested into elder care. But nope. Hedgefunds and Corporations that a decade ago thought there was money in this have decided there is NOT, and may be even less in future, and are fleeing the ship like so many rats in the know.
So my advice? Save save save save and work work work (hopefully at something you love). Don't put money into supporting aging relatives; you will soon enough need it. Do not depend on your children. Stay as well as you are able--walk, engage with life, eat a decent diet, and live for the day.
No matter WHAT you do, tomorrow can't be assured, or predicted.
You do the best you can; we are all different; we all make different choices for ourselves.
Interesting subject for our discussion.
"King Donald" and his chainsaw-wielding gazillionaire best buddy are looking to make big cuts to Medicaid. These changes could leave my husband and me in a less-than-optimal position at EOL. Although we have financial resources, they are relatively modest by today's standards. (We're far from wealthy after two lengthy careers in the nonprofit sector.) I suspect that there are many elders in a similar situation.
Frankly, I seriously hope to make my Final Exit before I go broke. At 88, I think that is a reasonable, although not assured, possibility. I have never viewed our family as my retirement plan. They will need their funds for their own senior years.