My mom has been tested by two different doctors, taken the MoCA test twice (numbers dropping the second time). She lost her license per her doctor and the Easter Seals test and is furious, saying she can drive safely during the day. She forgets the names of her siblings, grandchildren, etc. She thinks there are people in her house having a party in the middle of the night, and that my sister and I sneak new clothes into her closet to get her to dress better. But she doesn't think she has dementia and pushes back, saying "All my friends forget things sometimes!" What should I say to her?
Your mother cannot live alone anymore. Not even for one day. If her license had to be taken away and she thinks people are partying in her house at night, she's not capable of safely living by herself anymore.
Medicating her to keep her stress and anxiety levels down is a good idea. Though introducing a new medication to her now would be a bad idea if she's alone.
I was a homecare worker for a long time and had many care clients with every kind of dementia. Many looked fine and you would think nothing at all was wrong with them, until you were around them every day. In my experience, the ones with anosognosia are the hardest cases for homecare caregivers to deal with.
It would probably be a good idea to look at a few assisted living and memory care facilities for your mother. Take a few tours. Often there are waiting lists to get into these places too. It can't hurt to have a couple of irons in the fire if homecare doesn't work out, and based on what you're saying here it probably won't. Your mother will become more delusional and more paranoid as time goes on. Whatever caregivers you bring in will get accused of stealing if your mother can't find something that she lost 50 years ago, gave away, or never had to begin with. Caregivers turnover in cases like yours is high. Sometimes it's better to go straight to assisted living while the person still has enough mental faculties to acclimate to the place. You've got a lot to think about.
I don't have any real advice to offer, just sympathy from someone who gets it!
If she forgets family names or confuses people, ignore it or be reassuring. “That was Karen, your niece. She does look a little like Marsha.” If she keeps doing it, just ignore if you can. As long as she isn’t hurting herself or anyone else, what does it matter?