Each time I think everything is going to be ok, dad does something else. Long story short, he is doing so well in his new facility. He now wants to sell his house ( he is currently renting it out). I would support this idea but I know him and he has a plan. I told him he needed to keep his home because he keeps talking about wanting come home for a visit. Well he then says he can stay with me. I told him that would not work because his home has been fixed for him ( pull bars in the bathroom and etc.) So he became angry with me and said that it is bad that I do not want him in my home. But I know him and I think he is trying to leave the facility. He keeps saying he is in his right mind and can do what he wants.
That person that said they were taking him home for an overnight and was going to stay with him??? What a first class JERK! She "had to work"?? I would tell the staff where he lives that this person is NOT allowed to take him out of the facility ever again.
He needs to just stay put, for goodness sakes!
While the rental may be going fine at this time, renting can be a pain in the neck and as your dad is declining, it will become YOUR pain in the neck. I would support him selling it and do it ASAP. Will he make more than $250k in gains (someone else mentioned that number)? If not just get it done so he can not go back there. Yikes.
And yes, your house is 110% off limits. With all that's going on, don't even let him come for a visit. Nope.
Good luck. Stay strong.
His house is rented. The person who rents it is not there all the time due to work so he was not there last weekend when dad came home. The person who helped did help get him home but not stay the night because they were called in to work. They originally had gotten someone to cover their shift but then that person had an emergency. I know the house is not worth 250,000. No where near that amount. I have told him that it is not possible for him to stay with me.
* Learning to set boundaries - be aware of needing to set boundaries and then be willing to do that (it could be hard, elicit 'guilt' feelings ... )
* New behavior is hard and it starts with how you think about - his behavior - and what you want to do / figure out what is the 'right' way to proceed.
* Understand dementia - it likely is 'more than dealing with a difficult parent.' His brain is / has changed and will continue to change.
- The more you understand what dementia is and how to mange / communicate with a person inflicted, the more you'll be able to make appropriate decisions on how to proceed). For instance,
- You do not argue.
- You expect him to be / get angry
- You undertand that he is scared, confused, fearing losing independence.
--- then you learn how to communicate based on how he 'may' process feelings / new information.
Once you are more educated / aware of what dementia is - how the brain changes which continue to change how he communicates, you will be in a better position to make decisions in his - and your - best interests.
Google TEEPA SNOW. Watch her webinars, read her You Tubes, books, etc.
Learn that you can be both compassionate and practical / set boundaries at the same time. First, you need to know you can set boundaries, not take his behavior and words personally (not so easy to do, easy to say), and learn to put yourself first ... in order to be there for him. If you continue to let him ... determine your thoughts and behavior, you will burn out and it will not serve either of you.
Gena / Touch Matters
New behavior is definitely hard to start when you are not use to not putting yourself first. What is also hard is that fact that my dad has always been this way. I could accept it better if it was only Dementia. His ill treatment of me, my mom ( when she was living) and others is not new. I am noticing him being more forgetful now and a little confused like when it comes to what day it is but he still wants to control and speak harshly/ugly . His side of the family know how he is and is just now admitting it. Lord forgive me if I'm wrong but I think he has lied all these years and made them think my daughter and I did nothing to help him but now they have seen the light.
You don’t have to do one thing about his thoughts.