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9 years ago my husband and I made a decision that we regret and would nearly ruin our family. My husband and I in 2018 started renting a house that belonged my in-law's friend that locates two blocks down from my husband's parents. But a couple of months later, that friend decided to sell the property, so my FIL decided to retire and dig into his 401k to buy the property and ask us to rent it to own it. I told my MIL that I am uncomfortable with it because I would like my husband and I to choose our permanent home, well MIL says that if we don't want the house she would fix it up and give it to her daughter, so on false pretense that if I agree they will fix the house up for us, but that never happened. My husband also told me at that time it was a 5 year contract, so after 5 years of living there I asked MIL how many more years we have left and she said 7 years! I asked my husband why he lied to me for so long he told me " so I would get off his back about it.," I don't like living next to my in-laws because they are so demanding, hardly visit( even when we live two blocks down) and is always in our business or tell me how to raise my children, or is playing favouritism between their son and daughter, but every time I bring up my concern with my husband he still refuses to move and is always defensive of them. I tried everything ..from building a privacy fence, to refurnishing, to thinking about buying a guest cabin shed ( of which MIL said no to) I have been giving chances for 9 years and doing everything I can to be " comfortable" nothing worked. My husband and I continue arguing over moving, I even said okay we will wait another 4 years and SEE if we get the deed after it's paid off but I also express the likelihood of it happening being less because the agreement is only verbal and is not written down.
And since my husband lied to me for five years about it, I can't trust his word either, now I am close to giving up and leaving him because I feel like I can't do this anymore, because it seems like my needs are not important to him. I even told him I am not saying that we have to cut contact move far away we just need to be on a different street or 15 mins away, but it's still not good for him.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore in this situation, he claims it's normal for normal families to be close..but I beg to differ..sure my family are not perfect but we also respect and encourage independency.

Don't talk to him about leaving.

Go see a divorce attorney or divorce mediator who can advise you about the laws in your state.

I tiptoed around the subject of divorce with my then-husband; he told me I wouldn't get any money and he would get sole cus of the children.

He was very, very wrong.

I am so much better off, emotionally, financially and physically since we divorced.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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I am curious as to what "legal documentation" there is on this "rent to own" house.
My guess is this was just a verbal agreement and there is nothing in writing. If that is the case in 7 years it could be another 5 years...then another 7 and so on until
you leave, you divorce, your husband gets a backbone.
And while you are asking about the paperwork on the agreement find out who the property will be left to if your in-laws die. (wanna bet the property goes to their daughter?)

I agree that you need to see a lawyer about this
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Reply to Grandma1954
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MG8522 Jun 11, 2026
That's a good point, about who inherits the house. In fact, I suggest you look up now whose name is on the house, to make sure your sister-in-law isn't already on the deed with them.
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Feelinguseless,
The more you say, the more it becomes clear that you are in an abusive relationship. You have been accepting this poor treatment from your husband and his family for years. Either make peace with it or leave.
You are not going to change your husband, his parents, his sister, or the house you live in.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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Your post starts by saying you and your husband regret the decision made nine years ago. But the rest sure sounds like only you regret it, your husband is content to stay there. Unless he’s open to couples counseling, you have little choice but to either leave or make peace with living there. Make very sure of your legal and financial situation before you say or do anything. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t value your opinion or feelings and wish you well in finding the best path forward
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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I would first consult with a divorce lawyer (just to see what options are and how to prepare financially just in case). Then I would tell your husband that you are at a crossroads with the marriage and if he'd be willing to go to couple's counseling with you. Make sure he understands that a no to counseling is a yes to divorce (and he will act quickly to corral the money etc). Don't make a threat you aren't willing and able to carry out.

I'm so sorry for this situation. I truly hope he chooses counseling and things can be worked out.
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Feelinguseless Jun 11, 2026
I have tried talking to him about it but it always ends up with me crying or him crying. He refuses to go to marriage counseling and continues to call me names, defend his family, or call me crazy.
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It can be normal for families to be close; to live nearby, or even live together with multiple generations. Some families get along just fine with their extended family living in close quarters.

Not every family is comfortable with this arrangement. It's up to you what is comfortable for you.

I think you have unclear ideas about what the situation is, and what exactly you really want. The things you mention that you think would make this better are NOT solutions! Like living 15 min away - how on earth would that be any different? Or waiting another 4 years to see if you finally get the deed to this house. Why would you want to own the house and continue to live there? And the fact that you don't even know the terms of this "agreement", so you would just wait for 4 more years to see what happens?
You have been conditioned over the last 9 years to accept this and allowing your husband and your in-laws to call all the shots. You've lost so much of yourself, you don't even know what you want or how to fix this. Your husband is not being honest with you and you hate living there. I don't know what the answer is; I don't advocate for breaking up a marriage, but if you are truly miserable and have a husband who is not on your side, you might need to leave on your own.
It's not your house. It's your In Laws house and your husband doesn't want to leave. I'm sorry to say, the ball is in your court. You have to make the choice that you can live with. Stay and accept this, (it won't change) or leave.
I hope you are able to make peace with whatever you decide to do.
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Feelinguseless Jun 11, 2026
My main problem is that I don't like living next door to my in laws because I honestly don't want to unwilling know what's going on around their house, hence me building a privacy fence which ended up way too short than I expected it to be, I don't want to see SIL there every day because it hurts my feelings that she never bothered to visit me even when I invited her to, her mom was always making excuses for her for 3 years, I even bought her a plant for mother's Day she barely looked at me or them. So I figured if we moved to a different street or different town if would at least solve one problem the next problem to solve would be my husband. I told him over and over that I am not trying to cut contact with his family however I want my peace and my option to choose my own home..I feel like that choice was stolen from me.
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Be wary of being roped into caregiving husbands elderly parents because you live next door, and they own your house and can control you with that. Husband sounds like he’s way deep in generational enmeshment and doing what momma and daddy say. As unhappy as you are now, your life can get worse if you are tagged with caregiving elderly mil or FIl when they have a stroke or dementia and incontinence and behavioral problems and medical problems. Imo, Your husband will not stand up for you and place them in a nursing home or care facility. SIL does not sound like she will be much help. He will browbeat you into caring for them and save the money so he and SIL get an inheritance and you are sacrificed to caregiving his parents. Think about it. If I were you, I’d get out, get your half of your marital assets, and have no legal ties to these people who have not been honest or respectful with you. IMO, Your husband is going to use you as a caregiver for his elderly parents. Get out and take half of what is yours. If he’s that great, you can continue to date him with no legal or financial obligation and leave at any time with your own job, life, money intact. Your husband will fight you to divorce. He knows the depths his parents will go to control you, because they have done it to him, his whole life and he has not been able to break away. Your husband sounds weak and heavily under the influence of his overbearing parents ( read about family enmeshment, generational trauma and emotional immaturity and narcissism). You can’t save him but you can save yourself and give him an example to follow.
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Reply to Beethoven13
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It sounds like a catch 22 condition and a helluva lot of manipulation going on. I would check in with an attorney to see what rights you have in this situation.

I know in my case, I got taken big time advantage of by my dad and his wife. I almost signed a contract committing me to a $30,000.00 loan on top of taking care of a severely disabled sister. No paperwork in sight whatsoever! I would not have received a title; if ever, until the loan was paid off. Dad being the slickster he was would never have signed that title over to me. I had my sister placed and moved into an apartment after three years of that nightmarish situation. Dad moved into the house with his wife, stepdaughter and the new grandchild. He died in 2014 and willed the family home to his wife and her family.

This was the big time manipulation of all time, and it played out until I got my derriere in counseling and eventually moved the heck out. Thankfully, I had older women as friends who told me what dad was doing. I couldn't believe he would stoop so low. However, he told my mother before she passed away that he was going to have his fun no matter who it hurt.

So be it.
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Reply to Scampie1
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I would bet dollars to donuts that no written contract exists. It's obvious from what you've written that, in your husband's mind, you play second fiddle to his parents.

Both he and his parents have lied to you for years. They are happy with things as they are. What makes you think they'll ever change? The situation as it is benefits them, and they obviously don't care that you're not happy.

You can't control what your husband or his parents do. The only thing you can control is whether you want to accept the situation as it is or remove yourself from it.

If you're not ready for a divorce lawyer (because once trust is gone, the marriage is dead), please see a therapist who can help you develop the skills to get yourself out of this toxic situation.
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Reply to Dogwood63
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Your response “He refuses to go to marriage counseling and continues to call me names, defend his family, or call me crazy” Your husband has sadly, but firmly shown you nothing will change. Can you accept staying with a man who totally disrespects you, calls you names, and says you’re crazy? I could not and would not, but this you must decide for yourself. Just know that you deserve better, including respect, and a peaceful home
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