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My wife has dementia. I have her healthcare POA. Her sister is shown as secondary, but she has never signed to accept it and we haven't seen or heard from her in over 4 years. I am her only caregiver and I am 86. My daughter who is not her daughter lives in the lower level of my house. She has no POA and has 2 toddlers and there is no way she can handle my wife long term. What should she do when I pass?

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The person who is assigned POA does not sign they except it. I had two, at one time, and did not sign either. IMO those assigned should sign. There are people on this forum that had no idea they were assigned until told later down the line. Her sister may not even know your wife assigned her and would not even want POA. Even if listed as secondary, a lawyer may still have to invoke it. If her sister is close to your wifes age, she may not be able to be POA anyway.

I think you need to see an Elder Lawyer and ask these questions. Do you have things set up to protect your daughter?
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Your daughter is not her daughter. Her family would be contacted. If they do not wish to assume the POA then they could refuse and your wife would go to guardianship of the state, who would manage placement and funds, as well as any applications for aid that might be needed in future.
If you are leaving money to the wife, who then is your executor? That person may be willing to act for your wife and may not be, but time to find that out would be now. Be certain your daughter has outreach numbers to your wife's family, and to Adult Protective Services if they will not step immediately forward.

Your best bet is trying NOW to contact wife's family. That will answer many questions.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Ask an eldercare lawyer for recommendations for a licensed legitimate eldercare manager. Also ask the lawyer about withdrawing POA of wife's sister. There is a certain legal way to do it. In my state, the POA must be notified in writing that the POA has been withdrawn. No explanation is necessary.

Don't leave any loopholes open for wife's sister to prance in and take over once you are out of the picture!
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Reply to Fawnby
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I think you need the advice of an elder care lawyer. Who is your DPOA, executor, and health care proxy? That’s important also. Let’s hope not your wife as she is not competent.

Does your wife currently live with you?

If your wife will not qualify for Medicare, another option if you have the funds might be a special needs trust.

Who owns the house and who will it pass to when you die?

best wishes
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Reply to Suzy23
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You should go to an eldercare attorney . They can tell you what options you have .
There are care managers to handle medical decisions and placement and a lawyer can be her financial POA . There may be other options , a county social worker for your local County Area Agency of Agjng can possibly be of help to you with some free resources.
You should set up this future plan for your wife’s care ASAP for a smoother transition of responsibilities after you pass .
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Reply to waytomisery
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