Looking back, knowing what you know now about Dementia and your LO, if you could go back in time and eagle eye watch for the tiniest sign that cognitive function was beginning to decline, what incident or event would you pick up on as that tiniest sign?
For us, I think it would be her absolute inability to stop herself from bringing a painful subject (and her ridiculous opinions about it) into EVERY conversation. Not just some or most. Every conversation, no matter the topic. Despite being asked not to, despite it being demanded that she not, despite people getting to the point of refusing to speak to her at all because of it. Every conversation, without fail. That started probably 20 or so years ago.
I can think of some others as well, but this one is the most prominent.
Does your mom have tremors or Parkinsons-type symptoms? Just curious. My mom was diagnosed as having "some type of dementia", but it doesn't seem to be Alzheimer’s because her memory is pretty good 10 years into it. She refuses any more tests, and I don't blame her, so we aren't pushing it. But if I had to guess, being a big Google expert (haha), I'd say she has a mix of vascular and Lewy. Delusions and hallucinations galore, but no tremors or stiff limbs. It's a sad puzzle.
It was progressive, as we all know, but the element that made it impossible to deny was when she started putting her hearing aid batteries in her ear, rather than in the hearing aids.
Even though I had seen it all progress over years, and knew what was happening, other family members - with only occasional calls and visits rather than regular weekly visits and frequent calls - still could not see the signs until it became extreme.
At the point where I was taking her to the doctor to get hearing aid batteries taken out of her ear canal, shutting off the breaker to the stove, and disabling her car, I still had my sibling telling me nonsense like “Oh, she’s just bored and lonely.”
Yet, years earlier, my mother could not see the signs of dementia in my father. Spotting the signs seems to take regular contact, but not *constant* contact. She couldn’t see the signs in him because to her it was too gradual from her perspective. Others couldn’t see the signs in her because their contact was too limited and irregular to see the steady steps of decline.
The first sign that made my blood run cold was 8 years ago when she said she felt rats and squirrels inside her mattress and saw a cat in the house. She also heard Christmas music and told me to turn off the radio, which must be on the porch. It bothered me that her hallucinations made sense to her. I had a lot to learn about dementia.
She became increasingly afraid of intruders, saw people attacking family members in the driveway, and at one point she thought people were living in her attic. Paranoia exploded into delusions, of which she couldn't be convinced otherwise. She walked down the highway to escape killers.
It's been around ten years and she lives in memory care now because she gets confused and tries to walk away. But she still recognizes everyone, and performs her ADLs without assistance. Her caregivers say she's the most with-it person in memory care which breaks my heart. She remembers what she had for dinner last night and remembers conversations with caregivers. She constantly tells me how impaired the other residents are. They don't know who they are and can't feed themselves and a lot of them yell and fight and ask for their mothers. She is especially annoyed when they ask the same questions every day over and over.
My mom can give you her full biography, albeit there will be big delusional stories mixed in with the truth.
My Aunt is sick with a virus and coughing so we couldn't discuss it.
This is something new, so I'm praying maybe it's just a u t i. As weird as that sounds.
During the first couple of years I thought, "Maybe she has a sleep disorder and these really are just dreams". Her sleep schedule is definitely backward, but it became more clear that she has hallucinations due to dementia - probably vascular and/or Lewy Bodies. Whenever she gets a UTI, it gets worse and she nearly disconnects entirely from reality. The memory care nurse tests her once a month to see if she needs antibiotics, which really help clear up her confusion, but not entirely. The delusions remain.
My heart goes out to you and your mom! I hope she can get some relief with antibiotics.
Difficulty cooking meals. Frustration at the computer. Problems paying bills.
Four years later, our mom could remember nothing. She was 74. I told my sisters, but no one paid any attention. Our mom had given up challenging herself, on any level around 50 or so, and the youngest two daughters catered to her every need, and got angry at the two oldest, for suggesting mom be more accountable, or we should find out if she “just can’t”. We were ignored, and still are! For mom to have no clue, no memory of that kind of trip, where her daughters spent so much money, and we were for almost three weeks, was unheard of, how she could forget. I now believe mom started with the dementia long ago.
They still live with our sister, in their condo, with her insisting on making every decision, and the two oldest gave up caring long ago. We simple visit every two weeks, as allowed, and let her handle every single thing, as she prefers. I wish our parents had not had so many secrets, and confused only in the youngest, but life is complicated in families. Our family will be more in tune with changes in us, cause we have asked them to not be shy, if they feel we need to know what they, as our two kids, are seeing, that we, as the elders do not. We are very different parents than either of our parents were, as we grew up during very different times. Our parents did as they pleased, were interested in no advice. Wishing you all the best.
Didn't pay his HOA 5 months and was evicted. I was called as emergency contact. The senior community he owned a condo in had no concern for medical issues, just their money. At that point I knew something was wrong. He was always adamant about bills being paid.
I got a DPOA signed, then jumped in and took over. Got him his $200k equity they were going to take. I flat out told the HOA nobody is going to screw a United States Combat Veteran on my watch...divorced from him or not.