What were the earliest signs of dementia in your loved one?

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What were the earliest signs of dementia in your loved one?

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A Blank Look On my Dads face when I mentioned a Person on Christmas eve - I Knew there was something wrong . Walking very slowly and thinking it was His shoes . Temper tantrums , Falling Off steps , Cutting Himself . Losing things constantly Like every day several times a day . Obsessions with His Phones battery . Burning Food , Not acknowledging smoke coming from the Oven . Obsessions . Little things . I thought it was Old age .

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Mom was diagnosed early 2011.

2000 - The absolute first signs mom showed were some unfounded hostilities towards her beloved sister. Mom became convinced my aunt had taken more than her share of my deceased grandmother’s assets (which were minimal). She remained angry for FOUR YEARS! This was just not in line with her typical behavior.

2008 - Mom struggled with comprehending and learning any new technology. We thought she’d soon get comfortable with DISH, but she continued to struggle. And she often picked up the tv remote and haphazardly pushed buttons and changed inputs. BUT she was still able to call me and I could walk her through troubleshooting.

About that time I discovered her handwriting had gotten smaller, and she was no longer keeping an accurate checkbook. She was rounding up all entries.

We bought her a digital camera. Showed mom how to turn it on and take a pic. TWO STEPS. Thought she had it. But she didn’t. Called me a couple of days later yelling and cursing me for buying her the camera.

2010 - I don’t recall now what triggered a visit yo the neurologist but I know it was memory related, and she was fully aware it was becoming an issue. Her father had Alzheimer’s but he also had a severe B12 deficiency which can cause memory problems. I convinced her to go so that we could check her B12 levels. We were all hoping that was what the problem was. Sadly, her B12 levels were fine.

At some point, she stopping putting her groceries in the pantry. She’d stack it all on the counter. Claimed she had no where else to put it (not so). Saw something similar in her bedroom with piles of boxes of toothpaste and moisturizer on her dresser.

We thought all of challenges of technology were just normal age-related changes. But I think now it was truly the beginning of her dementia journey. The personality shifts. The handwriting changes. The checkbook.

She remained highly social and worked out at a gym three times a week. She walked a mile every day. I believe these things helped her remain independent for years. She didn’t reach a point of not being able to live alone until 2018.

She’s still with us. She’s gone from assisted living to memory care (she refused to live with me so her home was sold to pay for these things). She’s now straddling states 6/7 and resides in a nursing home. She’s still ambulatory but rarely speaks.

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My sister is 81 and in the last stages of Alzheimer’s. I remember her telling me two things probably 10-15 years ago. She quit wearing lipstick and she quit folding her underwear - just stuffed it in a drawer. There were probably signs earlier, but these stick out in my mind. She was EXTREMELY organized and structured, so these signs were remarkable.

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Hi Pam. My mom was concerned with her appearance her whole life. Her clothes and hair were just-so. Then she stopped wearing makeup. (I thought, okay, makeup is a hassle, I don't usually wear any, so that's probably normal.) Then she stopped brushing her hair and there was always a tangle in the back of her head. I've realized that if someone's baseline is "just-so" or dressy, and that changes, that's a clue.

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First it was the minor damage to my MIL’s car, scratches and dented bumpers, and not telling us. She had always been a bad driver but it escalated exponentially and she started getting lost. Then it was overhearing her on the phone reading off a bunch of numbers. She had gotten a call where they told her to go get $2500 in gift cards to pay off an IRS debt.

These events got my husband and I to contact an elder care attorney to ensure all of her paperwork (will, powers of attorney, medical wishes, funeral wishes) were all documented prior to her being evaluated by a neurologist. This was to make sure she was protected; but to also ensure that we were as well since she had been living with us for years. We wanted to make sure that no medical or financial businesses could come after us for any of her outstanding debts.

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For my father, it began with him not following driving instructions. He would pass Into OnComing traffic and saying “he had the right of way”, my mother stopped riding with him because of all his cussing, swearing, weaving in and out of traffic. Last Straw, was unfortunately my 9 year niece that came home upset that Grandpa went THE COMPLETELY WRONG WAY in a round-about.

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For my husband, it was two things. First, when he handed over his car keys and told me that he had driven all his life and now it was my turn. Second, when he handed me his iPhone and asked how it worked because he couldn’t figure it out.

Both big red flags as he was always big on driving anything with a motor (trucks, cars, private airplanes, motorcycles). He was a big computer geek and always the first in his office/family to get the latest tech gadget and show the rest of us how to use them.

In hindsight, I can see him becoming less interested in group activities and preferring to hang out more at home.

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I recall my mom making decisions she definitely would not have made before. The biggest thing that sticks out is when she told me she was being followed. Then whenever we went somewhere, she would say there they are or that person is following me too. She claimed people were outside her apartment at night, talking to her. I immediately had a family meeting! From there, she would get lost driving so my dad went with her everywhere. There is more.

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I think it was my DHs inability to balance his checkbook. He had always been an obsessive financial record keeper - hole punches, three ring binders with business cards taped inside, the whole bit. Suddenly (or maybe not so suddenly?) he couldn’t reconcile at the end of the month. Once I started doing it for him I started to see he was sending donations to national organizations over and over again, forgetting that he’d done it the month before. He would get mad at me for pointing it out. Then he admitted that he was afraid if he didn’t send a check when asked something bad was going to happen although he couldn’t say what.

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For my now 95-yr old Mom, it was within the last 7 years. She was still driving and one day confessed to me that she went to an area she wasn't familiar with but was eventually able to get home. Didn't think to call me. Nothing odd happened for a long while after that (like maybe 2-ish years). Then one morning she called me up and wanted to know how much toothpaste she should put on her toothbrush. A totally weird question. I was so dumbfounded I just gave her an answer. She sounded confused. I wondered if she'd had a TIA. Then, about a year or so passed and she became more and more forgetful and easily confused. Made more mistakes cooking even when following a recipe. Would shop for me at the grocery store from my list, and still bring back the wrong items or brand. Became more insistent that someone did her wrong, rather than acknowlege she made a mistake; became tonedeaf in conversations and not relenting when told she'd crossed a line, less empathy, more paranoia about people taking things or me wanting to "put her away in a home"; was forgeting how to use her appliances but insisting they were broken and torturing the customer service phone reps; worsening judgment (like trying to walk down her snowy driveway in sneakers when she has boots with cleats); repeating herself; incessantly asking inane questions until I have to tell her to stop; broken filter; negativity; inappropriate social behaviors; etc. It starts very slowly and spotty. By time we see more regular and unmistakeable behaviors, our LO is already in moderate dementia.

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Yes, a mom's rent was on auto pay and she would then also log into the system and pay it. And would swear up and down she didn't do it. Even with the proof in front of her face. She was convinced the management was trying to steal money from her. And also, the tone-deafness. Phones and computers that got replaced because they "didn't work" but they were just turned off or unplugged. Social behaviors I would say got oddly "extra". Not really inappropriate just dramatic. Like the worst acting job ever...

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Person A: Anger, paranoia and hallucinations. Person B: Anger, paranoia, and forgetting things, plus making really bad decisions about everyday matters. Person C: Falling a lot and thinking she was going to marry Elvis. Person D: Unable to complete tasks that required following simple instructions. Person E: Didn't recall that she'd sold a house she'd inherited from her mother. Person F: Thought everybody important in her life was stealing from her and wrote letters about it to all of them as well as the police. Person G: Lying about things, such as saying family members stole money from parents and put their dad in hospice without his permission. Person H: Started talking about digging up his parents (dead for more than 30 years) and building a huge mausoleum for them in a cemetery in a town 20 miles away.

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My uncle kept falling and wouldn't hit is medical alert button. He said he didn't want to bother anyone. That logic didn't make sense and in retrospect I wonder if he couldn't rember he had it or how to use it.

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That's a good one! If my mother remembered how to use it,the company could've helped us locate her when she became lost. This should become an essential point of conversation with the use of them to the elderly.

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My Mom, reasoning. My disabled nephew came to live with her, shewas 80. Dad hadvpassed 2 yrs before. My neohew was suppose to be here to go to a Community College to see if he was capable of doing it. He easn't. My Mom felt sorry for him because he was an orphan and felt my brother and wife were to strict with him. His neurological problem means he needs structure, Mom did not think so. She believed everything he said over me who was 60. I could not believe it. She was aware of his disability. I would explain why he could not do something, before she would have gone along with me, not now.

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Yes, the loss of reasoning is so frustrating;

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For me with my late husband it was when he'd forgotten how to use the microwave, and became very incontinent, and then started falling a lot.
I then knew something was very wrong

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For my mom I think she knew early on like 10 years prior to my farhers diagnosis.

After she passed I was going through her stuff she had stuff going back to 2013 about memory loss, what to can be done and stuff.

I do wonder what caught her eye first l.

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My mom caused a crash and that's how she got diagnosed, but we had already been begging her to go back to her doctor and ask for help for a few years.

Becoming less social, even with her family, was also early sign, but it came much later than the conversations that couldn't happen without that one topic being brought up.

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For my brother, poor balance, occ. difficulty swallowing, "dreams" that weren't dreams but nighttime hallucinations, and he was aware and certain he was awake.
An inability to hear well on the phone, and hanging up on us when we called thinking we were no longer talking. Addressing an envelope wrong. For instance all right, but the city and state. Increased anxiety when out shopping. Increased worrying over bills, files, keeping things straight. Less social.

He was in a car accident and this is how he got diagnosed. Laying in the arms of a neighbor kept repeating "I knew something was wrong; I knew somethings was wrong."

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@AlvaDeer, I'm so sorry that this has happened to your brother. All of his signs are "classic" dementia, but as the saying goes, "If you know one person with dementia, you know one person with dementia." There are so many types of this devastating disease, clinical diagnosis is the only way to know for sure. Look for a local chapter of The Dementia Friendly group in your area. They have great resources and can help you, your brother, and family how to "manage" his personal care and needs. I take my mom who has a few of the cognitive signs of early dementia to the Elgin Area Dementia Friendly chapter. This is as much for me as it is for her. I'm on he advisory council now too. We go the 2nd Tuesday of every month and my mom loves the time we get to bond and learn together there. The others on the council are a second family to us. I thank God for this group.

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What were the earliest signs of dementia in your loved one?

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