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My father refuses to wash more that once a week. I have to stand in the doorway and explain, "what to do next" while he is in the shower. I've tried to get him to do it more often but he out and out refuses. I tell him I will have to get someone to do it for him if he can't do it anymore and that just makes him angry. I am exhausted all the time from explaining everything to him. He has dementia and can't remember things 5 minutes after you tell him. Lots and lots of repetition.

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This frustration is normal. He is going to continue to need more and more care. The other advice you have been given is a good starting point in deciding where to go from here. My mom gets two showers a week at her memory care facility.
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Reply to JustAnon
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Sounds like it’s time for a bath aide. Well worth the cost to have someone trained to help with this, they know the tricks of the trade in getting cooperation and getting the task done efficiently and quickly. Dad cannot remember the steps of showering, his frustration and anger is quite normal. Hire an aide for twice or maybe three times a week, it will improve life for you both
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Once a week shower with rinse free wipes for "moist areas". Armpits, skin folds, crotch and feet.
When showering a dementia client. I wear a swimsuit and get in the shower with them. With a warm room and a chair it can sometimes be enjoyed.
By warm room I mean at least 80 degrees. That cold blast getting out of the shower will be what gets remembered rather than the enjoyable head massage.
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Reply to AnnetteDe
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You could go ahead and hire someone for this, and just let the aide deal with your father when he or she arrives. The aide would be trained in how to gain cooperation and get the shower done effectively.
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Reply to MG8522
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Thats the nature of dementia! Your father can no longer remember the steps involved in taking a shower. Steps that seem simple to you but are complicated to him because his brain isn't working properly. Same thing with boiling an egg. Elders with dementia forget the steps involved and wind up leaving the pot of water on the stove and walking away, making living alone very dangerous.

Once a week to shower is fine.

Place dad in Memory Care Assisted Living if you cannot handle him at home. Or hire in home help on his dime. Things only get worse as dementia progresses, never better unfortunately. You'll be repeating yourself constantly because dad has no short term memory, meaning he cannot properly function any more.

I recommend a book called Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller available on Amazon for you to read. The 36 Hour Day is another good book to use when you have a question about a specific thing relating to dementia.

Good luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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