My husband and I are the sole caregivers for his mom. She’s 82, has MS, basically bed-bound and has dementia (not sure what stage). We had a rough day with her yesterday, more than usual. She was very confused, argumentative and refused to eat most of the day. We both work from home 4 days a week but starting in July my husband will have to go in 3 days a week. The days when he is not here (she lives with us) can be touch and go, good days, off days. The line between caregiver and son has crossed so far I don’t think it’s healthy. We are working on getting a temporary live in so we can get a few days off but we are so mentally exhausted it’s slow going. He plans on driving back (2hours) from where we plan on staying to go home to check on her and make sure his mom is ok since we won’t know the caregiver more than a day or 2 before we leave. It’s only a short weekend trip. I think his mom will be fine. She gets confused whether we are there or not. I don’t know how to help anymore. We need a break, he needs a break and I love that he loves and cares for her as much as he does but i don’t think it’s healthy.
When the family member is non verbal most of the time.
When your health is suffering and you have chronic exhaustion.
CONSIDER A WEEK OR TWO RESPITE IN A RESIDENTIAL FACILITY when the two of you take your break. Do not drive back to check on Mom.
~ you're too exhausted to do necessary things,
~ your work is impacted (are you there but not there mentally?)
~ you're too tired to rest when a break is offered
~ you feel you're the only one who can care for your loved one but their
needs are more than you're willing to acknowledge
Someone recommended respite care at a facility or try the CT Statewide Respite Program at 1-800-994-9422; that's a very good start. But a MS organization might be able to provide guidance on temporary/permanent placement or in-home care. Trinity Health of New England offers senior living support especially for MS patients: www.trinityhealthofne.org/services/multiple-sclerosis. Why not let those familiar with the condition help?
Yes, I think it’s time. Truthfully, it’s probably past time to place her.
Best of luck.