This is my first question, and I’d like to start by saying how much I appreciate everyone’s transparency. In two years, this was the first time I actually felt like someone else understood my situation—I found this forum by chance and I’m so grateful.
My father was my mother’s sole caregiver and he died suddenly of a heart attack. I immediately left my dream job, favorite city and beautiful home to care for her. She’s paralyzed from the waist down, and she’s “max assist” meaning she can’t get up on her own. She has a catheter and wears diapers, and when I first arrived we were in the ER every other month. She never took care of herself and gets defensive when people try to help. Caring for her has been exhausting and quite traumatizing for me, and I can see the ways it’s aged me on my face.
I finally decided that it’s simply too much. I worked so hard to leave this abusive family and start my own life, and now I’m back in the very place I left. I’m often complimented on how selfless I am, and how great it is that I care for my mother rather than putting her in a home. But to me those aren’t compliments, because not everyone can uproot their life to care for a parent or loved one. I’m hanging on by a thread myself.
The best part is that my mother has chosen where she wants to be, and she understands how hard it’s been on me. She’s also thanked me for coming here immediately and helping with funeral arrangements, home repairs, and for getting her healthy again. In fact, the doctor once commented how great her blood pressure was—but now MINE is high, and it never was before. Irony. Truly.
SO *deep sigh* my question is—has anyone ever noticed a decline in their own health and chosen to step away from caregiving? Please tell me what your life was like after that. I’m so curious to hear everyone’s stories. Additionally, all of you are amazing, and I’m so glad there is a safe space we can all share with people who actually understand. Thank you so much.
