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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Boundaries only work when you demand them, and if one is raised to not have them they are all that mush harder to acquire. A lot of women are made to feel guilty for saying no to anyone for anything. Not a problem for me personally. but i see lots of examples of women who have no boundaries whose families run over them like they are not there. My grandma was a profound narcissist, to outsiders she was a sweet old lady only those close by knew the level of absolute control and whiny narcissism she ran her world with. the very fact we so note women who are selfish and demanding it telling. Like it "isn't the way things should be" or it is more offensive in women.
Mom tried to come between hub & I numerous times. She has on occasion "caused turmoil in our home" as hub says. She has not and will not be successful in destroying our marriage as she did her own!!!! Just today i gently tried to tell her that the reason people flee from and avoid her is because she manipulates and uses them. Something for the old girl to chew on. Of course she denied any offense or spiteful usery of anyone but countless others know better. "The Greatest Generation" is/was not all that. They did/are doing their share of damage to society as well. The AARP & other organizations have lobbied for laws to protect them but there are few to protect us/caregivers. How did we let this happen?????
I'm not good in psychological disorders.. but my mom has been known to be anti-social. After many decades of teaching elementary, high school and university students, she's the opposite now of what she was before. Many decades ago she can handle an entire class of noisy super active kids. Now she wants no kids at all. lol... Also, she's known for being a man-hater, a perfectionist of super high standards, and very reserved and quiet when I discuss with her what went wrong with her relationship with my dad. I guess until now she's heartbroken that's why she never opened up her heart again to find love or go on dates again. this is a common woman's syndrome i guess... the old maid trap. Hope it does not happen to me... LOL
Crowemagnum --- you wrote "However, that does not really change anything. When you were younger, you probably did not have as much insight into your mother and yall's relationship, but now you do and what will you do?"
Honestly I don't know what to do... I take it one day at a time... There's nothing much I can do, all things here very limited already, especially financial resources. That's why I can't move her out. To start, I asked my friends to check out on government-run nursing homes. My friend told me there's one but it's overcrowded, lousy dirty facility and overcrowded and far from where we live. Plus the facility will be moved farther away next year as the land that it occupies right now was sold to a shopping mall already. As to how I can get back to work, find a good man, go online dates, meet my men for dates, be able to live my life, save for my future, raise my daughter the positive way, get rid of my mom... I don't know any solution I am just so burned out already. Remember, it's been 18 years like this already. This is already too superhuman for me to endure. I am numb already and I just want to ignore her. Don't advice for medicines, milk, diapers, doctor's visits, etc. there is no fund for that. period. Whatever I can save, I save it for her sudden death as her non-caring sisters and brother will no immediately put up with the cash requirement of a sudden funeral expenses. I really want her dead. 18 years Crowe... I guess I have the right to complain and vent and be selfish now.
Crowemagnum --- you wrote "However, that does not really change anything. When you were younger, you probably did not have as much insight into your mother and yall's relationship, but now you do and what will you do?"
Honestly I don't know what to do... I take it one day at a time... There's nothing much I can do, all things here very limited already, especially financial resources. That's why I can't move her out. To start, I asked my friends to check out on government-run nursing homes. My friend told me there's one but it's overcrowded, lousy dirty facility and overcrowded and far from where we live. Plus the facility will be moved farther away next year as the land that it occupies right now was sold to a shopping mall already. As to how I can get back to work, find a good man, go online dates, meet my men for dates, be able to live my life, save for my future, raise my daughter the positive way, get rid of my mom... I don't know any solution I am just so burned out already. Remember, it's been 18 years like this already. This is already too superhuman for me to endure. I am numb already and I just want to ignore her. Don't advice for medicines, milk, diapers, doctor's visits, etc. there is no fund for that. period. Whatever I can save, I save it for her sudden death as her non-caring sisters and brother will no immediately put up with the cash requirement of a sudden funeral expenses. I really want her dead. 18 years Crowe... I guess I have the right to complain and vent and be selfish now.
Crowe, I'm sure my mother is a undiagnosed narcisscist but if I'm BPD, I don't know what that is. Sorry, showing my ignorance. My mother, unlike some mentioned, isn't a man hater. She's an eldest daughter hater. And when I said she'd have liked for me to lose my husband, I'm pretty sure she had designs on him herself. Weirdo!
Naheaton....yep glad you brought up the Narcissist. When I finally discovered NPD Narcissistic Personality Disorder last year the bells and whistles finally went off to describe the issues I had with my mother all my life. The narcissist build the life around themselves at the expense of others. My mom will just come up with little demands just so she can still just demand..it's that control they want and strive for. Control over others is what keeps them alive it seems. My mother on Sunday afternoon was 'commanding' that the tv set be set on timer....something I usually do in the evening...she just belted out a command for the sake of belting out a command. Seems the same with the woman you are mentioning. I told my mom there is no one to look after me. I have no kids no husbands - non existent family remnants...so there is really no one...does she even utter a word when I say that. Funny if I mention Nursing Home to her...she belts out real fast 'NO WAY' well time will tell if I nor the caregiver can get her up. She is just a rolly poly ball of fat in the middle, her legs have no strength anymore she refuses to walk around with the caregiver. She seems to me a big slug that eats and sh*ts and belts out commands and baby whines if she don't get her way. Otherwise she is healthy so to speak....sad sad sad...I don't want to be anything like that.
Doesn't it all come down to selfishness? It's all about 'me me me'. Isn't that the definition of a 'narcissist'? They are the world and we all revolve around them. Like the song said, 'they're a legend in their own mind'. Sad, and sadder still how many people get sucked into the orbit.
Partly because women are expected to do everything for everyone and subjugate their own needs for others their entire lives. How often does one hear about men having to sacrifice this and that in their lives or make time for and/or juggle family and work? Women are raised to be the drudges and to feel guilty if they are not practically killing themselves to do for others. The topic is "give up your marriage for the care of a parent" (IE the mother here) and "why" Because she is expected to. Where are the tales of sons quitting their jobs, or having their wives give them ultimatums about the marriage "either your father goes or I go?" It takes three to make this impasse and it is the woman/wife who is in the middle.
Your mother and my mother in law sounds like two cookies from the same mold. My MIL has some reasons or possibly perceptions for those reasons for being a man hater and I don't think it's a cover for her being a control freak.
Yes, your mother would make any marriage hell on earth and you would have to cut her off to preserve it. Yet, with your being a single mom and if I remember correctly, no job plus having to deal with her under your own roof sounds to some degree like she has already made your personal and parenting life hell on earth. Your mom sounds like she might have an undiagnosed case of borderline personality disorder plus bipolar with those mood swings. However, that does not really change anything. When you were younger, you probably did not have as much insight into your mother and yall's relationship, but now you do and what will you do?
I followed your thread with interest and a smile, no let me correct that, a smirk instead. Although I am not yet married, I understand the issue and could feel my blood boil a bit. My mom is like the women mentioned here. Ever wonder why at my age I followed her steps of becoming a single parent too. I remember I spoke to my mom of my desire to have my own family and am praying and hoping to find a good, compatible husband. At first she did not say anything but the look on her face showed that she hates the topic and eventually told me she doesnt trust any man. Her being a man-hates is sometimes a cover up of her controlling attitude towards me. I can imagine that if I get married tomorrow, she will make my life miserable by frequent calls asking for help, for companionship and for all sorts of reasons. It is requiring me a massive effort to remain a distance from her freakin' controlling style of parenting as we live under the same roof, it makes it really very very hard to avoid her anti social behavior, man hating outlook in life and her changing moods.
I should issue a disclaimer to my post. I wouldn't know what it's like to have a loving mom so I have a hard time understanding being tied to your mother. Those who have a good mom should be extra thankful for her. Mom had her chance at life, now it's my turn, my kids' turn and their kids' turn. Mom thinks the world should revolve around her so she doesn't agree. I wish I had a dollar for every time she has said "I deserve it because I'm old". You deserve Meals on Wheels, when you have money to eat, just because you're old? You deserve public assistance, when you have money in the bank and savings, own property, just because you're old? (My dad is rolling in his grave!) Excuse me, but NO, I wouldn't give up my marriage for someone like that. Her negativty chokes the life out of me.
I am glad that your marriage did not get thrown away. My MIL would love to see both me and my BIL leave her daughters so that she could have them all to herself. This Appalachian Bible believing fundamentalist Christian woman has no use for men unless they are slaves and has so much hatred toward her brothers that she almost made her daughters too afraid to get married.
My arm chair gut feeling is that the last in the list probably leads the pack because from what I read here, it's like it just happens and they are clueless. It is tempting to call this a 'mid life crisis' but that would not be fair.
I've heard everything from using very narrowly applied Bible verses about the elderly while leaving out the ones about marriage to the "oh he was just looking for an excuse to leave" blame the victim thinking, to the extremest view of 'oh well spouses and children come and go, but you only have one mom."
Dang, my grandmother, a very dignified Presbyterian woman with a college education and more money than she could count told my mother one day "well it's time for you to leave your husband and come home to take care of me."
I would guess it to be they don't have their priorities straight, they already had a weak marriage, they didn't take their marriage vows seriously or they are still tied to mother, not necessarily in that order. Mothers shouldn't or wouldn't if they were in their right mind, expect or demand their daughters give up their lives to care for them. If there isn't room in their lives for a marriage and caring for mother, then find a place for mom and keep your marriage. This is just my humble opinion. I almost fell into that trap, torn between my husband and my mother. My husband said no way was she coming to live with us because her and my relationship was very volatile. My mom would've loved to see me lose my husband. I have a good husband and good marriage. Mom is being cared for. Thank God, I snapped to. It's all about priorities.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The key word is "tend". It is not determinative for other factors play in as well.
Just today i gently tried to tell her that the reason people flee from and avoid her is because she manipulates and uses them. Something for the old girl to chew on. Of course she denied any offense or spiteful usery of anyone but countless others know better.
"The Greatest Generation" is/was not all that. They did/are doing their share of damage to society as well.
The AARP & other organizations have lobbied for laws to protect them but there are few to protect us/caregivers. How did we let this happen?????
Honestly I don't know what to do... I take it one day at a time... There's nothing much I can do, all things here very limited already, especially financial resources. That's why I can't move her out. To start, I asked my friends to check out on government-run nursing homes. My friend told me there's one but it's overcrowded, lousy dirty facility and overcrowded and far from where we live. Plus the facility will be moved farther away next year as the land that it occupies right now was sold to a shopping mall already. As to how I can get back to work, find a good man, go online dates, meet my men for dates, be able to live my life, save for my future, raise my daughter the positive way, get rid of my mom... I don't know any solution I am just so burned out already. Remember, it's been 18 years like this already. This is already too superhuman for me to endure. I am numb already and I just want to ignore her. Don't advice for medicines, milk, diapers, doctor's visits, etc. there is no fund for that. period. Whatever I can save, I save it for her sudden death as her non-caring sisters and brother will no immediately put up with the cash requirement of a sudden funeral expenses. I really want her dead. 18 years Crowe... I guess I have the right to complain and vent and be selfish now.
Honestly I don't know what to do... I take it one day at a time... There's nothing much I can do, all things here very limited already, especially financial resources. That's why I can't move her out. To start, I asked my friends to check out on government-run nursing homes. My friend told me there's one but it's overcrowded, lousy dirty facility and overcrowded and far from where we live. Plus the facility will be moved farther away next year as the land that it occupies right now was sold to a shopping mall already. As to how I can get back to work, find a good man, go online dates, meet my men for dates, be able to live my life, save for my future, raise my daughter the positive way, get rid of my mom... I don't know any solution I am just so burned out already. Remember, it's been 18 years like this already. This is already too superhuman for me to endure. I am numb already and I just want to ignore her. Don't advice for medicines, milk, diapers, doctor's visits, etc. there is no fund for that. period. Whatever I can save, I save it for her sudden death as her non-caring sisters and brother will no immediately put up with the cash requirement of a sudden funeral expenses. I really want her dead. 18 years Crowe... I guess I have the right to complain and vent and be selfish now.
I'm sure my mother is a undiagnosed narcisscist but if I'm BPD, I don't know what that is. Sorry, showing my ignorance.
My mother, unlike some mentioned, isn't a man hater. She's an eldest daughter hater. And when I said she'd have liked for me to lose my husband, I'm pretty sure she had designs on him herself. Weirdo!
Your description sounds very much like how I was raised and how I lived until I saw the light about boundaries!
Isn't that the definition of a 'narcissist'? They are the world and we all revolve around them. Like the song said, 'they're a legend in their own mind'. Sad, and sadder still how many people get sucked into the orbit.
Yes, your mother would make any marriage hell on earth and you would have to cut her off to preserve it. Yet, with your being a single mom and if I remember correctly, no job plus having to deal with her under your own roof sounds to some degree like she has already made your personal and parenting life hell on earth. Your mom sounds like she might have an undiagnosed case of borderline personality disorder plus bipolar with those mood swings. However, that does not really change anything. When you were younger, you probably did not have as much insight into your mother and yall's relationship, but now you do and what will you do?
Mom had her chance at life, now it's my turn, my kids' turn and their kids' turn. Mom thinks the world should revolve around her so she doesn't agree. I wish I had a dollar for every time she has said "I deserve it because I'm old". You deserve Meals on Wheels, when you have money to eat, just because you're old? You deserve public assistance, when you have money in the bank and savings, own property, just because you're old? (My dad is rolling in his grave!) Excuse me, but NO, I wouldn't give up my marriage for someone like that. Her negativty chokes the life out of me.
My arm chair gut feeling is that the last in the list probably leads the pack because from what I read here, it's like it just happens and they are clueless. It is tempting to call this a 'mid life crisis' but that would not be fair.
I've heard everything from using very narrowly applied Bible verses about the elderly while leaving out the ones about marriage to the "oh he was just looking for an excuse to leave" blame the victim thinking, to the extremest view of 'oh well spouses and children come and go, but you only have one mom."
Dang, my grandmother, a very dignified Presbyterian woman with a college education and more money than she could count told my mother one day "well it's time for you to leave your husband and come home to take care of me."
.
I almost fell into that trap, torn between my husband and my mother. My husband said no way was she coming to live with us because her and my relationship was very volatile. My mom would've loved to see me lose my husband. I have a good husband and good marriage. Mom is being cared for. Thank God, I snapped to. It's all about priorities.