Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Can you provide more context? When did you stop living together in the first place, and why does she have to live with you now? Does she have any conditions or illnesses? There can be many reasons. I had a friend at college that I loved so much, and we loved hanging out with each other. The day we started being roommates, everything changed. It is one thing to like someone as a friend or family member, but it is another thing to live with someone. It can change your relationship instantly.
The bottom line is, tell her that since she's unhappy living with you, she will need to live somewhere else. Then work with her, or without her if she doesn't cooperate, to find the new place for her. Wish her well in being happy somewhere else. And be happy to reclaim your life with no guilt.
This is yet another reason why it's not a good idea to move a parent into our homes! So many people think it's all happy la-di-dah we get along so great my beloved mother has always cherished my company and I will cook cook cook and clean clean clean and change her pants 100 times a day and walk her hateful dog so she can keep her pet and we'll all go shopping together and on a cruise and to bingo at the casino but now all of a sudden that beautiful future is lost and I never get a day off and we hate each other or at least don't like each other she is not the mother I remember and I WANT OUT.
Cautionary tale: Don't let them live with you in the first place and you'll never have this particular mess of problems. Just other problems but at least not in your house (which used to be your sanctuary but is now a trap with jaws).
Why not ask her why she's being so mean to you now, and offer to help her relocate OUT of your home since she's obviously so miserable living there? Multigenerational living rarely works out.
You don't give any details, like how old your Mom is or whether she is showing signs of dementi, or what the circumstances were that caused her to move in with you.
If you think she has dementia: Please consider a future with her: this "mean" behavior will become worse (because dementia is progressive). She may become paranoid and lose empathy (which is what my Mom is doing). She may lose her short-term memory so that you can't even carry on a conversation with her, or she'll ask you the same thing a thousand times. She may become incontinent, refuse to bath, depressed, and much more.
And, if you are currently not her PoA this should be a deal breaker to her living with you.
Were you her only retirement plan? If so, did she ask you? Did you agree to it? Sometimes well-meaning adult children make promises to which they have no idea how difficult -- or impossible -- it is to keep. And it almost always comes at a steep cost to the caregiver.
I would figure out how to move her out. She doesn't have to agree to it since it's your home. It will be easier now that later and you won't regret it.
Basically, and probably, because it is difficult to live with others, whether husband-wife, brother-sister, parent-child, or roommates. And because she is used to you and in her own home and able to drop all the social niceties of casual relationship. Moreover, if you are her caregiver you have gone from darling daughter to caregiver and no one likes caregivers. They dictate thing and are bossy and in charge.
There are a few reasons, but when you think on it there are many others that apply.
Now she has expectations, and you are not meeting them to her satisfaction. Before she moved in you were a visitor. She needed to make you feel comfortable or you might not come and she would be alone. Is this the way she was when you were young? Is this a recent, distinctive personality change? Does she have medical issues that are not well controlled? Does she have a sleep disorder that makes her perpetually cranky? Is it dementia? These are all questions to discuss with her doctor. Get answers, then reassess if Mom can live with you long term. If the answer is no, find a permanent solution as soon as possible. These situations get worse and harder to manage.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
There can be many reasons. I had a friend at college that I loved so much, and we loved hanging out with each other. The day we started being roommates, everything changed. It is one thing to like someone as a friend or family member, but it is another thing to live with someone. It can change your relationship instantly.
Cautionary tale: Don't let them live with you in the first place and you'll never have this particular mess of problems. Just other problems but at least not in your house (which used to be your sanctuary but is now a trap with jaws).
If you think she has dementia: Please consider a future with her: this "mean" behavior will become worse (because dementia is progressive). She may become paranoid and lose empathy (which is what my Mom is doing). She may lose her short-term memory so that you can't even carry on a conversation with her, or she'll ask you the same thing a thousand times. She may become incontinent, refuse to bath, depressed, and much more.
And, if you are currently not her PoA this should be a deal breaker to her living with you.
Were you her only retirement plan? If so, did she ask you? Did you agree to it? Sometimes well-meaning adult children make promises to which they have no idea how difficult -- or impossible -- it is to keep. And it almost always comes at a steep cost to the caregiver.
I would figure out how to move her out. She doesn't have to agree to it since it's your home. It will be easier now that later and you won't regret it.
Moreover, if you are her caregiver you have gone from darling daughter to caregiver and no one likes caregivers. They dictate thing and are bossy and in charge.
There are a few reasons, but when you think on it there are many others that apply.