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Recently, my mom’s memory care sponsored a field trip. They put a tag around mom’s neck that said “I have Alzheimer’s”. She has anosognosia so it came as a surprise even though she’s been told several times. She said “This says I have Alz!” I said gently, you do mom but hey, you’re in good company so did … and named her aunts and uncles that had it, most of whom she loved dearly. That seemed to make it ok.

I don’t tell her all the time but when it is right, I do. I always also tell her, “but I got your back, Mom”.
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Reply to Lovemom1941
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Telling your loved one that they have Dementia/Alzheimer's is such a challenge in a way that you don't want her/him to be depressed. I would say: I will look into their eye and say : I observed that you are getting forgetful with things. What you feeling about it?
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Reply to AdultBestCare
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A great number of them suffer from anosognosia anyway, and won't believe you OR the doctor who diagnoses them, that's why. My mother with dementia called the doctor "full of sh$t" and insisted there was nothing at all wrong with her for the entire length of time she suffered from dementia and lived in Memory Care Assisted Living.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Why should you NOT tell them?
I can't imagine why you should not tell them.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Probably because they most likely already know but are afraid to admit it.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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My cousin told my feisty aunt, and my aunt has had it in for her every since.
I recall staying over night at aunt's house and all through the night, aunt was fussing to herself in the middle of the night that cousin started all this _ _ _ _, going around spreading "rumors ' that she had dementia and she was going to get her.
The next morning, she was still fussing. "Your cousin is the one I want!" She all the sudden decided she wasn't trustworthy, even though she picked up from out of state to move near her.
Be ready for the person to be combative towards you, but I think they should be told. My aunt is still in denial.
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Reply to Tiredniece23
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Geaton777 Oct 13, 2025
"Kill the messenger" syndrome.
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I've heard this said, and I can understand why someone would say that. Because they won't believe you. They won't understand. Sometimes, they will have forgotten what dementia is so it won't do them any good to tell them. But, I thoroughly believe in telling the truth. Don't expect that they'll run out to the doctor and mention it, asking to be evaluated. That's a rare occurrence. More often than not, they'll "showtime" for the doctor, to prove you wrong. They might even stop going to the doctor because no diagnosis, don't have it, therefore, you are wrong. What I should have done, probably, was not try to convince my mother that she needed to move into a senior apartment Independent living place, trying to be gentle with her. I should have called her Dr. and at least left a message. Even if the doc never called me back, at least I planted the seed.
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Reply to mommabeans
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Are you looking to be relieved of having to do it? I don't blame you... but...

You should be the one to tell them if you're the most logical person to do so. Delaying won't help them at all. Dementia is diagnosed mostly by eliminating all other medical issues, such as a UTI, dehydration, vitamin deficiency, tumor, thyroid problem, etc. Your LO could be having these problems, so I would lead the conversation with presenting the evidence that is causing you to be concerned. Then tell your LO that the first step would be finding a medical cause first, but also discretely asking their primary physician to do some cognitive testing as well at the same appointment.

Be reassuring that you'll help them figure out what's going on. Do not mention dementia unless and until the primary and/or neurologist has to consider this as a cause for the symptoms and therefore further testing.
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Lovemom1941 Oct 13, 2025
This is such a great answer! They will bristle if you mention dementia but might be willing to check other issues. Call ahead to the dr.’s office and tell them the whole story. I would also sit behind my mom so I could signal that she was not telling them everything correctly.
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