My wife gets stuck in a loop of asking the same three questions over and over again for hours. I have tried answering the questions. She says ok, and a few minutes later the loop repeats. I have tried distraction. Same results; the loop repeats. I have tried ignoring the questions; this also does not do anything but make her ask the questions louder. I leave the room. However, I can still hear her asking the same questions to no one in particular. I find myself getting upset with her. This is silly of me. I know that this must be part of dementia. I need some advice on how to break the loop and control my feelings.
"What time is the news coming on"
"We are watching the news at 5pm, and it's currently 4:30"
Give your answer in a flat tone, no judgement and no attitude. You might not be able to break the cycle ever. If I am at my mother's house and I need to go to the bathroom I will stand up and say, "I'll be right back I need to use the bathroom" If I don't she will ask where I am going or what I'm doing or what I need.
If the questioning suddenly becomes much worse, mention it to her doctor. Pain, infection, medication changes, constipation, poor sleep, or anxiety can sometimes increase repetitive behaviors.
Interestingly, about 10 years ago when my husband was in his early 50s he fell backwards on our icy lake and got a concussion, the result which was him termporarily having no long-memory and asking the same 8 questions in the same succession until the next morning when he eventually returned to normal.
“A loved one who asks the same question every few minutes doesn’t remember asking it, let alone your answer. But the person may remember that something is on the agenda, which can produce anxiety. Have the answers in written form to minimize questions.
“Keep a calendar or whiteboard, and write things down so that the person can refer to that,” suggests Helen C. Kales, M.D., a geriatric psychiatrist and chair of the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the University of California Davis Health. “Say to them, ‘We’ve talked about this and whenever you have a question, look right here.’ ”
Because boredom may be a factor, Kales suggests giving the person simple tasks like folding laundry, tearing the lettuce for a salad or setting the table.”
I found this to be true with my DH aunt. She would get very anxious when we were in the car going to the doctor. She would ask me over and over where we were going. One of her questions after Where we are going would be “did I complain”. Usually the answer was no. One time I got to say yes Your DW sounds extremely anxious.
Aunt always seemed to be able to read my anxiety. The calmer you are, the calmer she will be. You already see that the more agitated she is, the more agitated you are.
Find ways to create calmness in the home. It might be music, nice scents like from an infuser. Stroking a pet. A cup of hot tea. A foot soak. Or some other busy work. The white board would never have worked with aunt. . Each person is different. I would buy her little cuties and she would peel them and eat them. When I brushed her hair she would find it relaxing or applying lotion seemed to calm her. She also seemed to get relief from CBD oil. This phase will pass. You could ask her dr about calming meds that might also help. I did use these on longer dr trips to take the edge off but be careful as they might affect her balance. Another thing I did was call people for her to talk to. She would only talk a minute but if I put the phone on speaker and visit with them she liked to listen to the conversation of others.
She might be agitated if the tv is too loud or if the programs are violent. Even though she may not sit and watch tv she may be agitated by the content. Try to keep a log of when it starts and when she is calmer. It might help her doctor better u sweetens her condition. Anytime her behavior changes abruptly have her checked for a UTI. This is often a problem when behavior is suddenly worse than usual.
Please realize that it is important for you to have breaks. This is not just for you but for her as well. It’s important for her well being for you to remain able to be her advocate. Many spouses of care recipients die before they do. The stress can be so emotionally draining that it makes other health issues worse. Look into adult day care or having a part time aide to give you a break.
one day you will notice she doesn’t ask those questions as often. As the disease progresses, the symptoms change.
I’m sorry you are going through this with her.
Wishing for better days ahead for you both.