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"People bandwagoning the OP are just letting their emotions get the better of them. " Totally agree.

The elder care system is designed to maximize suffering for the elerly and family caregivers.

Thats why many caregivers die before the person they are caring for.

Thats why many caregivers are financially ruined. Thats why many caregivers are mentally and physically broken.

We should all work together to find loopholes for ALL caregivers. Loopholes and preserverance to find said loopholes are the path to freedom for all caregivers.🗽😄

And I am going on 14 hours without water right now. I can guarantee you if i could find a loophole to get the water back on i would do it in a heartbeat.
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Way2tired Jul 2023
Yeah. But you wouldn’t complain after the water was turned back on
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i have been reading the comments, a few things I do not understand. You are posed with two options, get the Medicaid in home care hours, or wait until the progress or something catastrophic happens and are forced to drop them off the ER then refuse to take her home leaving it up to the social worker to find placement. Based off this forum alone those options of placement are not great.

How is the latter situation more ideal over the former?

The tax payer comments I do not have the numbers but I am sure Congress pet projects make up far more in terms of wasted taxpayer dollars.

Based off the comments especially those that state if they would report us. What does that solve? His mother would still need care. It is not safe to leave someone with mental health issues alone. I am certain any medical professional would agree with that. It is better to have her in a community where she has friends and activities that keep her comfortable and at peace, with the aide provides safety and supervision.

Every adviser echos one statement when it comes to elder care. Never use your own money to provide care. So, would it have been better to leave her alone outside those 28 hours and wait until for the worse to happen?

Some of the moral grandstanding does not match up, you do not care about the person that is sick. All you really care about is the fact that someone is not having to give up everything because the system is broken to the core.

I am going to leave it at that. Thank you for the other suggestions. I will be doing my best to make use of this time I have, I do not have my house back but at least I have some freedom. The shed / tiny home idea is awesome, and will be one of the first things I invest in after I get a job.
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CTTN55 Aug 2023
"I am not sure what exactly I wish to accomplish with said post, but I need something other than being told I am kind, and such a great wife for doing this."

And you got something else, right? Some (many?) here don't think you are so great for making excuses for apparent Medicaid fraud.

"You are posed with two options, get the Medicaid in home care hours, or wait until the progress or something catastrophic happens and are forced to drop them off the ER then refuse to take her home leaving it up to the social worker to find placement. Based off this forum alone those options of placement are not great.

How is the latter situation more ideal over the former?"

Well, you came here complaining that your MIL is in your house. Option 2 would seem to meet your apparent great need (despite all the caregiving hours the taxpayers fund) to have your house to yourself again.
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The OP is radio silent. I doubt she’s reading any of these comments.

My favorite thing is putting an irrevocable trust in place so that loved ones can get on Medicaid if it’s in place before the the 5 year look back and protect their assets. This enables their family to inherit.

How is that any different? And this is LEGAL.

There are plenty of ways to game the system.

Maybe the system needs to change.
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Abzu00 Aug 2023
Tbh, I think the difference is the OP did not have to suffer or struggle the same way as others have. This has left a sour taste in the mouths of people.

In short the issue is people broke the first law of cargiving. Don't compare your situation to others.
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“Therefore, COME OUT FROM THEIR MIDST AND BE SEPARATE,” says the Lord. “AND DO NOT TOUCH WHAT IS UNCLEAN; And I will welcome you."
II Corinthians 6:17

Unfollowing this thread before the OP's connected husband decides to sue the posters and aging care.
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BurntCaregiver Aug 2023
@Send

No one needs a sermon from you or anyone else. Keep the fire and brimstone to yourself.
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In my opinion, MIL has 84 hours a week of home care & goes to a day program…that’s more than enough help. I really don’t see where there is a problem. MIL was there before she had all this help. You could go and do your own thing without seeing or interacting with MIL. She has someone other than you to watch her. You could join a beach 🏝️ club the rest of Summer and read a book 📖 on beach 🏖️ for most of day for remainder of August. Then when you get home from your day at beach 🏝️, husband will tend to his own mother along with the home health aide. You will eat your dinner, take shower & go to bed 🛌.
Good luck! & hugs 🤗
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BurntCaregiver Aug 2023
@CaregiverL

Or they could get the MIL her own apartment that she can pay for considering the state is picking up the tab for all of her fraudulent services. This way the OP would not even have to pass her in the hallway because she'd be living somewhere else.
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YouTube video about health care fraud: Steve Lewis video "Inside the FBI"
https://youtu.be/wKyJQrUdS-I
"shockingly common" "involves a lot of money" "who's committing these frauds?"
Well worth watching if you're thinking about finding "loopholes."
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