A Caregiver's Life
She silently sits at the kitchen table.Her need for discussion nearly disabled.
Now crossword puzzles are all she knows.& she burns them up like a ninja-pro.
From morning till night, there's barely a word.But I talk to her, as though I've been heard.
It's maddening when there's no reply.and I want to hide, so I can cry.
I want to mourn the Mom That I used to know.But there is no time! I'm a One-Girl show.
I'm angry & sad I can no longer reach her. This woman was my Mom, my Heart, & my Teacher.
Despite her presence, I miss her dearly& we continue daily, monthly, & yearly.
The last ten years are a haze & a blur.The roles are reversed & now it's all about her.
I miss my Mom. Her support & her caring. I miss her love, interaction and sharing.
Who is this person that shares my home?There's a body here, but I know I'm alone.
I feel like I'm drowning1-2-3...I'm treading water in a tempest sea.
My heart is pounding within my chest.But I want to save MomSo I do my best.
But what if my best isn't enough?So I put on my 'brave', & try to be tough.
But I feel like others can see right through& I 'fake' my strength and resilliance too.
I place one foot in front of the other. I continue to care because it's my Mother.
Who will I be when this comes to an end?When I'm all alone, just a Mom-less friend?
Im not so sure that I'll even be sane.After years & years of circling this drain.
I wish it was over, but until that day...I'll keep on going with a debt to repay.
All those years that SHE cared for ME. And I feel she deserves the same courtesy.
So I put my arms around her & kiss her on the cheek.I 'man-up' to the task, even though I am weak.
I close my eyes and try to remember the mom I had, even last December.
It's such a long 'goodbye' year after year. Her smile & laugh have been replaced by fear.
She knows that her memory is not the same, When she tries to recall a face and a name.
She tells me stories from decades pastBut the details are jumbled and never last.
What can I say? What can I do? Just continue to love, until it's all through.
I'm not a saint or a hero, although I'd like to be. But I can tell you this,,.at the end of the day... Mom, would do the same for me.
Thank you for sharing ❤️
However , I do agree with MG8522.
One person can’t do it alone.
You matter.
If you die, you mom will end up in a nursing home anyway.