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"Dear optimist, pessimist and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it. Sincerely, the opportunist."
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"There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, please tell me."
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“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
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"If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?"
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:) "We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much."
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"Never ask a starfish for directions."
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"I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up?"
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"Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once."
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:) "There's nothing better than a friend, unless it's a friend with chocolate."
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Science Fair
(noun)

A time for parents to show how talented they are.
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“Birds: animals that stir our sense of beauty, wonder, and freedom. And gave us pillows.”
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:) "Life would be a million times better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout the day."
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:) "Save time: See it my way."
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"I like to tell people I have the heart of a small boy. Then I say it's in a jar on my desk." -- Stephen King
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"Don't spend two dollars on drying clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning, buy it back for seventy-five cents."
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"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm."
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:) "Sometimes being an adult is exactly what you imagined it would be when you were five: staying up late and eating Lucky Charms for dinner."
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:) "Enjoy your job, make lots of money, work within the law. Choose any two."
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:) "If it’s not broken, let’s fix it till it is."
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:) "Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot."
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"Infinite loop: see ‘Loop, infinite’. Loop, infinite: see ‘Infinite loop’."
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:) "Where there’s a will, I want to be in it."
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"My life is an open book, but it's very poorly written and I die in the end."
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"Honestly, I don't even play an active role in my life anymore...Things just happen & I'm like, 'Oh, is this what we're doing now?' Ok."
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"If I was Snow White you'd never be able to kill me with an apple...you'd have to poison an eclair or something..."
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“Anger is just sad’s bodyguard.”
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:) "FUN FACT: Penguins have knees."
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:) “FUN FACT: It’s impossible to hum while holding your nose (just try it!).”
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:) “FUN FACT: The dog ate John Steinbeck’s homework—literally. The author’s pup chewed up an early version of Of Mice and Men. “I was pretty mad, but the poor fellow may have been acting critically,” he said.”
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:) 2 more fun facts for the day. have a great day, everyone! :)

——

“There are more people in California than Canada.”

“Slugs have not one, not two, not three... but four noses.”

:)
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