Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
"What if one day Google got deleted and we could not google what happened to Google?"
(1)
Report

*17 minutes into diet*


I can't live like this.
(1)
Report

Snaccident
(noun.)

Eating a family-sized bar of chocolate -- completely by mistake.
:)
(0)
Report

"I hope when I die, it's early in the morning so I don't go to work that day for no reason."
(2)
Report

"Keep your friends close, and your snacks closer."
(0)
Report

:) “Questions to ask on a first date: Are you a normal ice-cream cone licker or one of those people who bites right into it like some kind of animal?”
(1)
Report

:) “I don’t know how to flirt, I’m going to stare at you until you marry me.”
(0)
Report

;) “Well, aren’t you a little ray of pitch black.”
(0)
Report

“I’m in a good place right now. Not emotionally. I’m just at the liquor store.”
(1)
Report

"Good moms let you lick the beaters...Great moms turn them off fist."
(1)
Report

"A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one."
(2)
Report

"If you want to call a family meeting, just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it's located."
(2)
Report

"I wish the first word I ever said was the word 'quote', so right before I die I could say, 'unquote.'"
(1)
Report

:) "Sometimes you just need to lay on the couch and read for a couple of years."
(2)
Report

:) "The suspense is terrible. I hope it lasts."
(0)
Report

"I already want to take a nap tomorrow."
(1)
Report

"I finally got 8 hours of sleep. Took me four days but whatever."
(2)
Report

:) "I'm the kind of person who tries to fall back asleep in the morning just to finish a dream."
(1)
Report

“How to sleep faster: decorate your bedroom to look like a classroom.”
(1)
Report

“I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.”
(2)
Report

:) “I hate when I go to the kitchen for food and all I find are ingredients.”
(1)
Report

“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
(1)
Report

“If by ‘crunches’ you mean the sound bacon makes when you eat it, then yes I do crunches.”
(0)
Report

:) “Bacon. Admit it. For a second there, all your problems went away.”
(0)
Report

“Why was the cook arrested? He was beating an egg.”
(0)
Report

“Vegetarians! Stop eating my food’s food!”
(0)
Report

;) “Mistakes are the price of an interesting life.”
(0)
Report

:) “There is real honor in being a total goofball.”
(0)
Report

;) “The best way to be beautiful is to choose your parents well.”
(0)
Report

“I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than f*ck.”
(0)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter