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:) “Some people are like slinkies. Not really good for much, but bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.”
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:) “If you stumble, make it part of the dance.”
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:) “My alone time is for everyone’s safety.”
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:) “Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.”
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“Well, well, well…Look who finally decided to show up. Hello Friday.”
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Line from a commercial: I just have to get back into the dating pool... and I'm pretty sure there's pee in there!
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:) "Time flies whether you're having fun or not. The choice is yours."
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"If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?"
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"Stop destroying our planet. It's where I keep all my stuff."
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"There is no wifi in the forest but we promise you will find a better connection."
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:) "The only exercise I've done this month is running out of money."
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:) “When I count my blessings, I count you twice.”
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“I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone and ignore them like all other adults.”
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“I don’t care what people think about me…at least mosquitoes find me attractive.”
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“I was taught to think before I act. So if I punch you, rest assured I’ve thought about it and am confident in my decision.”
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:) “Ok. I’m here. What are your other two wishes?”
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“Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I’d go up to a back teller with a mask on asking for money.”
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“You look like trouble. Call me.”
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“Please note that I am self-employed. So if you see me on my own, talking to myself please do not disturb cos I am having a staff meeting.”
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“If you’re lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you’re lonely anymore.”
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“I hate being bipolar. It’s awesome!”
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“I saw a spider in my bathtub, so I got a piece of tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.”
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“A thief broke into my house last night…He started searching for money, so I woke up and searched with him.”
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TNtechie: Right- that's from "90 Day Fiance" all the MANY spinoffs.
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TNtechie: Edit - No joke - I am losing it! This was supposed to say ...... "90 Day Fiance" *and* all the MANY spinoffs. I watched one of them for all of two minutes and that was enough of a time waste.
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"My room was clean. But then, I had to decide what to wear."
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"When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown. But it takes only 4 muscles to extend your arm & smack them in the face."
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"Life is like an ice cream. Enjoy it before it melts."
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"I ran out of coffee this morning. Tequila seemed a reasonable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today."
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"Due to a huge misunderstanding about the concept of adulthood, I will be hiding under the covers until further notice. Send snacks."
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