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🙂 don't take this seriously. it's just some jokes about disasters.

"Dear 2022, first of all, I would like to let you know I'm typing this with my middle finger."

"Why does everything in my life have to be such a complicated disaster?"

"Disaster movie (noun). Always starts with the president ignoring a scientist."

"It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark."

🙂 "Our disaster plan goes something like this, 'Help, help, help.'"

🙂 "In the event of a tornado, or other natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first."
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"Dear Monday, go step on a lego."
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I broke my nail at work,, is this Workers Comp? Why would they not let me go home,,, is this a COVID symptom... Can I sue? LOL
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While this is not a joke, it is a humorous story.

I was talking with my prescription mail order person on the phone the other day. She began calling me John sir. Then, she changed to sir John. Then she alternated between the two during out 20-minute conversation but stuck with sir John.

When I thanked her for going the extra mile by calling my doctor's office for the authentification, her response was yes, we love, oh, I mean we care for our customers that much.

ha, ha, ha, called sir John and told I was loved and cared for by an insurance company representative on the phone. That made my day! My wife and I laughed about that.

I hope you find this something to laugh about also
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🙂 happy tuesday!

🙂 “Nothing messes up your Friday, like finding out it’s Tuesday.”

“I googled my symptoms. Turns out I just need a vacation.”

“It’s very impolite to keep a vacation waiting.”

“How to have a beach body: 1. Have a body. 2. Go to the beach.”

“My favorite memory from childhood is my parents paying for my holidays.”
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And they say customer service is dead, Yoda. It isn't! You were given honorable titles and told you were loved... all in one 20min interaction. :)
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🙂 “It's only Tuesday? Monday took so long, that I thought today was Wednesday."

"Of course women don't work as hard as men...They get it right the first time."

"Apart from being exhausted, financially unstable, nearing a mental breakdown and being fat, everything is great. Thanks."

"Only a few more mental breakdowns until the new year. C'mon people, we can do this."

🙂 "Sometimes all you need is a billion dollars."
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🙂 "If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs, send him to KFC."
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🙂 "Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you."
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🙂 "He who wakes up early, yawns all day long."
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🙂 for all us single girls out there:

A perfect man:
-wakes up at 5 am every day
-exercises daily
-makes his own bed
-cleans his room
-works sincerely
-does not touch alochol
-helps in the kitchen
-does not indulge in night life
-is always punctual
-prays daily
-reads
-hits the bed at 9 pm sharp

Where do you find such perfect men?
Answer: Jail
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🙂 happy wednesday! here's some de-motivation:

"Nobody can stop me but only because I haven't started yet."

"Those who doubt you probably have a valid reason."

"Please take your feelings and tuck them back inside your heart."

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

"You thank God daily, but have you ever once heard a ‘You’re welcome’?"

"If life doesn’t break you today, don’t worry. It'll try again tomorrow."

"I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your text. It’s just that I don’t care about your feelings."

"Every time you tell a dead person to rest in peace, you disturb their rest."

"If you give up on your dreams that may free up some time to get some actual stuff done."
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🙂 A judge (a child), stands up with the hammer in her hand, and proclaims:

"3 years in jail
for stealing my nose!!"
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🙂 hugs! more de-motivational quotes.

"Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because if you don’t, everyone will ask you what’s wrong."

"Expectations – Refuse to accept anything but the very best and you are never going to last around here."

🙂 "The secret of my success? I make a list of things not to do, and then I check them off as I don’t do them."
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🙂 yay! some more de-motivation.

"Because there’s nothing standing between you and your goal but a total lack of talent and complete failure of will."
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❤️ "Don't grow up. It's a trap."
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boj, I used to joke that I may be getting older but, I refuse to grow up :-)
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🙂 keep refusing, isthisrealyreal.
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🙂 "I asked my parents what it's like to have such an awesome kid, they told me to ask my grandparents."

"If your heart was really broken, you would be dead, so shut up."

"If life is so hard, how come so many idiots are doing it?"

🙂 "I'll jump in front of a train for you, as long as the train is not moving."
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❤️ happy thursday!

"May your day feel like pancakes and coffee on a Saturday morning."

"The best pancake topping is more pancakes!"

"I don't have to tell you I love you. I fed you pancakes."
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❤️ "It may look like I'm having deep thoughts, but really I'm just thinking about what to eat next."
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❤️ "I need something that's more than coffee but less than cocaine."
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❤️ "I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row.”
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❤️ happy friday!! have an awesome weekend everyone!! some funny quotes about friends:

"I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well not fire, because that's dangerous. But a super humid room...Well not too humid, because you know...my hair."

🙂 "We'll be friends till we're old and senile...and then we can be new friends."

"We've been friends for so long I can't remember which one of us is the bad influence."
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❤️ have a great saturday!

warning: the topic below is jerks.
...sometimes we bump into jerks. there are many in the world unfortunately, North, South, East, West. here are some quotes to try to make us laugh, while we deal with such people :).

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew."

"It isn't that I'm not a people person, I'm just not a stupid people person."

"Of course I talk like an idiot. How else could you understand me?"

"I don't think you're stupid. You just have bad luck when thinking."

🙂 "I get so emotional when you're not around. That emotion is called happiness."
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🙂 and now, for something more positive:

"Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit!! So proud of myself.

It was a scarf. But still. Let's be positive here!"
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Oh my gosh! I started a new exercise routine called cross-fit and it is so easy.




I put on an outfit, cross my fingers and hope it fits.
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My great granny asked her husband "What should I do with these week old buns?", he replied "Try some deep knee bends!"
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have fun this weekend everyone!! :) :) i'm off to a lazzzzzy saturday, sunday :),
bundle of joy :)

🙂 "For some reason, I already feel tired tomorrow."

❤️ "My goal this weekend is to move...just enough so people don't think I'm dead."

"Lazy rule: Can't reach it, don't need it."

"Laziness is the first step towards efficiency."
just trying to be positive :)

"Lazy rule 2: If something falls under the bed, it's gone forever."

🙂 "Don't be mad at lazy people. They didn't do anything."
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❤️ happy sunday! today, quotes about cookies!

🙂 "That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people."

"Cookies make the world go round."
so glad to hear it, i thought it was money.

"If you can't change the world with cookies, how can you change the world?"

🙂 "You know when you buy a bag of salad and it gets all brown and soggy? Cookies don't do that."

🙂 "Yesterday, I really wanted cookies. Today, I'm eating cookies. Follow your dreams."
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