I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
🍪
take this cookie just in case.
🙂 "Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap."
“Every time I eat a salad, I’m like, my life better change after this.”
“Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.”
“Alcohol! Because no great story started with someone eating a salad.”
“If you see me eating a salad in a restaurant, I have been kidnapped and I am trying to signal you.”
bundle of joy 🙂
"If hard times only make you stronger, then I should be able to whip Superman's *ss by now."
"Don't let anyone else ruin your day. It's your day. Ruin it yourself."
"When reality and your dreams collide, typically it's just your alarm clock going off."
🙂 "Women love mythical creatures...Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, men who listen..."
"Monday again? Is this every week now?"
“Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family, they seem like good people.”
🙂 “I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.”
"A book called: How to slap someone through the internet."
“Why am I getting older and wider instead of older and wiser?”
🙂 "I dream of a world where it is perfectly acceptable to slap stupid people."
🙂 “My day starts backwards…I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.”
Limb paralysis.
Circling.
Boldness or unprovoked aggression.
Disorientation, staggering.
Uncharacteristic friendliness.
No, the skunks in my yard do not have these signs of a rabid skunk,
but my husband does.
🙂 "I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them."
(true story)
❤️ "I am a queen because I know how to govern myself."
🙂 "I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep."
"I give myself sometimes admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it."
"Every day thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. Help end the violence. Eat bacon."
"My favorite place is inside your hug."
"I have this disease called Awesome. Kiss me, I’m contagious!"
"I have an eating disorder. I’m about to eat dis order of pizza, dis order of fries and dis order of nuggets."
🙂 🙂 "I am waiting for blessings that aren’t in disguise."
have an awesome weekend everyone!! :) :)
"Fri--nally!"
"Nine out of ten people like chocolate, the tenth person always lies."
this one goes out to Sendhelp:
🙂 "I, Bundle of Joy, can make chocolate disappear. What's your superpower?"
"Chocolate is nature's way of making up for Mondays."
🙂 "Chocolate is great, it gives you energy, which can be used to buy more chocolate."
and here i'll just throw in a vegetable quote:
"I hate when I think I'm buying organic vegetables and when I get home I discover they're just regular donuts."
🙂
"The Senility Prayer
God grant me the senility
To forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to
Run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight
To tell the difference."
------
here some quotes on Saturday:
"A day on Jupiter's moon lasts less than 5 hours, just like Saturday and Sunday on Earth."
"My week is basically: Monday, Monday #2, Monday #3, Monday #4, Friday, Saturday, Pre-Monday."
❤️ "I'm multi-slacking today."
enjoy Saturday!! 🙂
🙂 today, some Garfield quotes:
Garfield says:
🙂 "I thought about wishing you a "Happy Monday!", but that's like saying "enjoy your root canal.""
"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone...and if I do, I'll tell them not to tell anyone."
"I can't take this long-distance relationship anymore...Fridge, you're coming to my room!"
"I'm a Friday person in a Monday world."
🙂 "The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable."
"God grant me the serenity to accept stupid people the way they are, courage to maintain my self-control, and wisdom to know that if I act on it, I will go to jail."
"I've only got one nerve left, please don't get on it."
"I changed my car horn to sound like gun shots...People get out of the way much faster now!!"
"If you want to appear smarter, hang around someone stupider."
🙂 "I'm so good at being bad."
"Diet: an eating program that removes excess pounds and your will to live. Also your sense of humor."
🥳 🎉 "I swear if my memory gets any worse, I'll be able to plan my own surprise party."
🙂 "Exercise makes you look good naked. So does tequila. Your choice."
🙂 "I haven't made any really bad decisions lately. I'm getting bored."
"When all else fails, there's always delusion."
"I've heard that Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
❤️❤️❤️ "If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much."
"The difficult is that which can be done immediately, the impossible is that which takes a little longer."
"Being an adult is basically a choose your own adventure book, but every choice sounds terrible."
🙂 "I meant to behave but there were too many other options."
❤️ "Make good choices.
Love,
Your Future Self."
"Please stop looking so attractive, I'm trying to stop liking you."
🙂 "Excuse me, I am NOT a stalker...I am a researcher."
"What happens when two boats fall in love?...Row-mance."
"I didn't fall for you, you tripped me!"
"From the first time I saw you I knew I was going to give you the wrong phone number."
"That awkward moment when your crush asks you who your crush is."
🙂 "And you sir, you're very attractive. Therefore, I will stare at you."
🙂 "The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it."
"I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry."
🤔 "Reverse psychology backfires forwards."
"Waldo group therapy, for people who need to find themselves."
"I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Please don't read it."
🙂 "I'm kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy."
🙂 "I don't friend zone people, I relationship zone them. You wanna be my friend? Too bad, we're dating."
What would Jesus do?🤔
So... I turned it into wine😉
"bundleofjoy
May 30, 2022
❤️ hopeless, hopeless. i managed to get away from the internet for about 8 hours. anywayyyy, i want to wish everyone a great week!! :) did anyone read the Senility Prayer to their LOs? i did! they laughed a lot. 🙂"
Getting away from the internet? It's like a black hole, constantly sucking you back in! I don't watch TV, so this is my way to "catch up" on the news, watch some videos, check/update my account/bills, read/respond to emails, etc., so it isn't likely I will be able to "cut the cord", so to speak... But, I was finally able to stop reading and responding to so many posts on this forum. My first attempt lasted a short while, then it sucked me in again, but other than a few messages posted privately and looking at the thread that prompted an email because someone "liked" it, so I could see what it was I posted (most are over a year old), I did manage to get off this train! Much as I did like helping others, if I could, it was taking up way too much of my time.
So, there are few emails now, very few, but when this one popped up, I decided to open up and see what I've missed! This is a good thread, to help tone things down when you are mired in care-giving. My journey ended when mom passed in December 2020 (second stroke did too much damage.) I was still willing to offer help or just commiseration, for a while, but needed to move on to getting this house "fixed" - all put on hold for 6+ years after buying it, partly because of having to oversee/help with mom.
It was fun going through this thread! No need for me to put my shoulder in for anyone to cry on, brought a few chuckles and didn't really require any effort/thinking.
I've snagged some posts that I might respond to, but since they can date back over a year, I will include the poster and the comment in particular, to 'jog' memory!
Keep those jokes going! It's good to focus on something other than care-giving and this is so helpful!
yup, you're right, it's like a black hole. a black-hole-with-advantages. the internet is good and bad.
we really are - all - so addicted to the internet.
in any case, here i am again, because i want to post more quotes/jokes :). happy sunday, everyone!
❤️ "Never miss an opportunity to put a smile on someone's face. It might be the only one they get today."
🙂 "Internet addiction is now an official mental disorder and you can go to rehab for it. I'm only going if there's Wi-Fi."
🙂 "Internet. Please let me sleep. I like sleep."
"On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog."
"Cinderella never asked for a prince. She asked for a night off and a dress."
🙂 "Step 1. Look at the list of chores. Step 2. Reward self with two hours of internet for making it that far."
🤔 "Coffee is vital for survival. Dinosaurs didn't have coffee, and look how that turned out."
🙂 "You must expect great things of yourself before you can do them."
❤️ "RUN. Because zombies will eat the untrained first."
“Dear Past Me,
You were so stupid. Just beyond stupid. I can’t even explain how stupid you were.
Dear Present Me,
You’re still stupid. Just not as stupid as you were before.
Dear Future Me,
Don’t be stupid.”
—History
Doctor.
Because they thought it was your boundaries! !
"When in doubt, look intelligent."
"If cats could write history, their history would be mostly about cats."
"Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I'm your kitten, so pet me maybe?"
"If lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us."
(that's true for some of us on this forum as well, not learning from other people's past mistakes and wise warnings.)
🙂 "I'm sorry I haven't been online for a while, my cat ate my mouse."
"If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me and we can make fun of people together."
bundle of joy 🙂
🙂 "If cats could talk, they wouldn’t."
"You can’t own a cat. The best you can do is be partners."
"People that don’t like cats haven’t met the right one yet."
"A cat sees no good reason why it should obey another animal, even if it does stand on two legs."
"Cats have it all — admiration, relaxed sleep, and company only when they want it."
🙂 "Most beds sleep up to six cats. Ten cats without the owner."