I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
“Travitude (noun). When you start to feel grumpy and sassy because you miss traveling.”
“I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.”
🙂 “I’m not lost, I’m exploring.”
“I’ve got 99 problems. But I’m on vacation so I’m ignoring them all!”
“I need Vitamin Sea.”
“If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine, it’s lethal.”
🙂 “Can we just skip to the part of my life where I travel the world?”
"Most beds sleep up to six cats. Ten cats without the owner."
Well... There was a time 6 fit with me... I don't take up much room, but they all jockey for position somewhere right next to or on me... So there was potential room for at least 4 more!
meanwhile, from bundle of joy:
"It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles."
Two turtles having a stroll in the morning. They talk to each other:
"What's on your mind, little turtle?"
🙂 "World domination."
"What if 2021 was just a trailer for 2022?"
"Tonight's forecast: 99% chance of wine."
"Weather forecast for tonight: dark."
🙂 "People will accept your ideas more easily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said them first."
🐢 🐢🐢 🐢
“You are turtley awesome.”
☕ "Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees and then kindness."
“I try to wear my angel wings every day. But sometimes I’d like to take them off and beat somebody with them!”
"I'm on my second guardian angel. My first one quit and is now in therapy."
"Do you ever get the feeling that your guardian angel went out for a smoke?"
"Never run faster than your guardian angels can fly."
"I think you're suffering from a lack of vitamin me."
"After you, hell should be easy."
"50 shades of tired."
"I would call my fashion style: 'clothes that still fit'."
"If you're arguing with me and I say 'woowww', abort mission and run for your life."
🙂 "If you can't say something nice, say it in French."
🙂 "When I'm bored, I send a text to a random number saying, 'I hid the body...now what?'"
“I wonder if pizza thinks about me too.”
🙂 "Dear food, stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.”
This only works when you are young! The stories I could tell even on days with no arguing in which my wife was having a bad day.
here are some quotes:
🤦 "When you're feeling sad, just remember that somewhere in the world, there's a moron pushing a door that said pull."
"I have no words to describe this day. I do, however, have a ton of obscene gestures."
"Dear life, when I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question not a challenge."
🙂 “Just think how happy you would be if you lost everything you have right now, and then got it back again.”
“Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”
🙂 "Whenever you feel sad just remember that there are billions of cells in your body and all they care about is you."
🥟🍤🍣🥩🍳🧀🥨🍖
🥐🥚🥖🥞🧇🥧🍪🍿
"Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch."
Thanks! Yes, I do need cheering up. The problems we faced yesterday, my wife and I, was like a day from hell! :(
Dang, I could tell you other problems as well, but you may not want to hear about those.
The statement below is not helpful.
“Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”
🙂 “I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult…”
I will never forget the look on the cashier's face as she scanned thr bird seed and I asked how long would it be before the birds showed up after planting.
“Puddle (noun). A small body of water that attracts other small bodies wearing dry shoes.”
"The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza."
"Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties. Because he's such a fungi."
"Pizza (noun). The only love triangle I want."
"If at first you don't succeed, order some pizza."
🍕 "Have a slice day!"
🙂 “The 'let's order a pizza' people are the kind of people I wanna be around."
"Sometimes, it takes me all day to get nothing done."
"I know Victoria's secret."
"Dear YouTube, I will always skip ads."
"I wish I could donate my body fat to those in need."
"My daily routine: get up, be brilliant, go back to bed, repeat."
🙂 "I'm brave enough to listen to my heart."
"When I text someone, and they don't text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from excitement."
🙂 "To be honest, I get a little nervous right before I say Worcestershire sauce."
🤔 "Being myself is what got me to where I am."
"I like anyone who loves the me in me!"
"I'm wondering who ate my bowl of sunshine this morning?"
🏃♀️ "I've never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that's all I ever need to know about that."
"Some people are afraid of heights. Not me! I'm afraid of widths."
❤️ "I'm going to make the rest of my life the best of my life."
🙂 "I'd be much healthier if I didn't have taste buds!"
"I came. I saw. I made it awkward."
🙂 "I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, but if you'd like to see me as someone who is funny, gorgeous, rich, and famous, that's fine with me."
"WTF (where's the food)."
"May the fork be with you."
🙂 "Don't be afraid to take whisks."
"Vegetarian is an old word for bad hunter."
"Whoever said I can't cook has obviously never tasted my cereal."
🙂 "I have learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I can repeat them exactly."
❤️ "That's a horrible idea...What time?"