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"Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you're in a bad mood?"

🙂 "What if the hokey pokey...really is what it's all about?"
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🙂 "What a year this week has been.”

“I came, I saw, and I forgot what I was doing.”

“I like cooking my family and my pets.
Use commas. Don’t be a psycho.”

“A perfect metaphor for my life would be ‘someone trying to stand up in a hammock.’”

“What the heck are birds so excited about at 5 am?”
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🥦🥬🥒🥑

"Being vegetarian was a huge missed-steak."

"This lettuce DIED...just so you could be a vegetarian. Have a heart, eat a rock."

🙂 "We don't have any vegetable jokes yet. So if you do lettuce know."
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We're having honeymoon salad for dinner.

Lettuce alone!









UGH;-/
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Not really a joke, but just when I thought I knew every which way a person could possibly wear depends...I saw her with one pair around one ankle and another pair turned inside out around the other ankle, shuffling around her room. I had to chuckle to myself or go crazy.
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🙂 what do we need to cheer ourselves up? grumpy quotes…
😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️🥶🥶😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️

two cats talking, A and B (grumpy).

A: So, tell me what has been bothering you.
B: Life.


A: Smiles are contagious!
B: Don’t worry, I’m vaccinated.


“Dear whoever is reading this, you’re young, you’re beautiful, and someone out there is crazy about you. So smile because life is too short to be unhappy.”

B: No.


A: I just feel like the whole world hates me sometimes.
B: They do.


A: Love is an open door.
B: Close it.


B: Want to see my favorite street sign? “Goa Way”.


Cartoon. Alice in Wonderland.

Queen: Off with her head.
B: I LOVE this movie.


A: I think you’re pretty.
B: Thanks.
A: I wish there was something between us.
B: Me too.
A: Really?! Like what?
B: A wall.


B: I had fun once. It was awful.


“This girl is on fire.”
B: Good. Let me get my marshmallows.


A: Don’t stop believin’.
B: I never started.

🙂
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🙂 more grumpy quotes (continuation of my previous post below). a very grumpy cat saying this:

B: Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.

--
B: Monday: The day humans hate the most. Too bad it's almost over.

--
B: I don't waste time thinking about what might be wrong with me. Instead, I prefer to focus on what's wrong with you.

--
B: Let's just assume everything you've done until now...is wrong.

--
B: Your face. It's breathing my air...Stop it.

--
B: I'm glad that I'm on TV. Now the nation knows that I hate them.

--
Someone gives grumpy cat a big hug.
B: I would ask you to kill me now, but I fear not even death will destroy this memory.

--
B: You went to the beauty parlor? What happened? Were they closed?

--
B: Everything the light touches...I hate it.

--
"Hit me baby one more time."
B: With pleasure.

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B: Don't be racist. Hate everyone.

--
B: I came, I saw, I complained.
🙂

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B: The elections? I hope they all lose.

--
B: You woke up early this morning and can't go back to sleep? Good.

--
"I just called to say I love you."
B: Wrong number.

--
B: Why look for intelligent life on other planets? We don't even have it here.

🙂
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❤️ 🙂 happy saturday!
(last continuation of previous post below). more grumpy cat quotes:

B: Love is in the air? Get out the gas mask.

B: I'm not saying I hate you, I'm just saying that if you got hit by a bus, I would be driving that bus.

B: I'm on Pinterest. I hate it.

B: Even from this angle, I still hate you.

B: One year closer to death...Good.

B: Republicans are red, Democrats are blue...neither of them cares about you.

B: I heard Santa on the roof. So I turned on the fireplace.

🙂 B: It's Saturday. Movement is optional.

B: A little bird told me it's your birthday...I ate him.

B: My dream job would be...driving the Karma bus.

B: I'm not saying I hate you, but I often catch myself fantasizing about you being attacked by honey badgers, barefoot in a desert of lego bricks near a Justin Bieber Concert. Just Saying.

B: I'm not angry. I'm happiness challenged.

B: I purred once. It was awful.
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❤️ 🙂 enjoy sunday!! today...some rules:

10 Lazy Rules:

1. The farther away the remote is, the more you like what's already on TV...
2. If you spill water, it'll eventually dry.
3. Don't charge your phone till it says 5% remaining...
4. Screw the "terms and conditions." Just hit Accept.
5. If it's not on the 1st search page on Google, it doesn't exist...
6. Bundle of Joy is way too lazy to type out lazy rule number 6.
7. Roses are red. I'm going to bed.
8. If you drop an ice cube, just kick it under the fridge.
9. What type of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly squats.
10. Nike: Can't someone else just do it?
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❤️ 🙂 happy monday! continuation of the grumpy cat quotes from my posts below:

B: Shortest horror story: ...Monday.

B: Monday, a hard way to spend one-seventh of your life.

B: Monday: we meet again.

B: Yuck. I stepped on some happiness.
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❤️ 🙂 i just checked my watch. it's still monday! we need more grumpy cat quotes:

B: The best things in life are...Annoying.

B: Don't let the world...Cheer you up.

B: I've lived 9 lives...And this is the worst."
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❤️ 🙂 emmm, it's still monday. we need another grumpy cat quote:

B: Practice random acts of...Grumpiness.
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❤️ 🙂 it's the start of summer!! 21 june 2022!! :) :) :) :) i wish you all a great start of the summer!! :) :) :)

"You know it was a good day if you didn't hit or bite anyone."

"Summer...if you're not barefoot, then you're overdressed."

"Watch more sunsets than Netflix."

"A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp."

"Due to the coronavirus, my summer body will be postponed until 2023. Thank you for your understanding."
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❤️ 🙂 june 23, the longest day of the year! enjoy thursday!

"What inspires you to get out of bed every day?"
Me: My bladder mostly.

"Hmmm, let's see. Which emotional issues shall I bury under deep layers of sarcasm today?"
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🙂 "Behind every successful woman...is a...fabulous handbag."

"I wish my wallet came with free refills."

🙂 "I stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now."
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🙂 🙂 "Remember, as far as everyone knows we are a nice, normal family."
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I saw the funniest outdoor doormat today, no not my Bff.

It read:

Well butter my butt
and call me a biscuit.
LOOK WHO'S HERE!

What a wonderfully light way to great visitors :-)
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❤️ 🙂 

etc.
(end of thinking capacity.)
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🙂  fortune cookies:

"You will soon have an out of money experience."

"He who dies with most toys, still dies."

"OK to look at past and future, just don't stare."

"Probability of being seen is directly proportional to stupidity of act."

"Some days you are pigeon, some days you are statue. Today bring umbrella."

"Wise person never try to get even. Wise person get odder."

"Stop eating now. Food poisoning no fun."

"Drive like hell, you will get there."

"You are cleverly disguised as responsible adult."

"Your inferiority complex not good enough. Try harder."

"Tomorrow at breakfast, listen carefully: do what rice krispies tell you to."
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🙂 more fortune cookies:

"I see money in your future...it is not yours though."

"About time I got out of that cookie."

"Your mom says hi."

"You will travel to many exotic places in your lifetime."

"You are agreeing to the use of cookies."

"Buy a dolphin. Your life will have a porpoise."
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❤️ 🙂 

"Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it."

"Always run away from temptations...but slowly, so they can catch up to you."
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🙂 "Life is short...False. It's the longest thing you do."

"Yeah...We're going to be short-staffed forever. So if you could just work yourself to death that'd be great."

"I'm still waiting for the day my parents will say, 'It's all fake. We are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble.'"
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🙂 “He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”

“Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”

“As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.”

“Life is too short to miss out on the beautiful things like a double cheeseburger.”

🙂 “You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.'”
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❤️ 🙂 ancient proverbs...

"If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum."

"If you want to be criticized, marry."

"Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings."

"On the subject of singing, the frog school and the bird school disagree."

"Being a couch potato is not the same as being a failure. Being a failure implies that you were actually trying to do something."

"It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame."

"Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks."

🙂 "We all know one person who has a laugh that is funnier than the joke."
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🙂 "It's not a Great Wall. It's an alright wall. It's the Alright Wall of China."
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❤️ 🙂 ancient proverbs continued...

"Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway."

"No one is listening until you fart."

🙂 "Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine into your brain, and that's where your crappy ideas come from."

"The best advice your mother ever gave you was 'Go! You might meet somebody!'"

"Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship might just mean that the other person was right about you."

"Two wrongs are only the beginning."
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Woman: Are you on a diet?
Man: A bit yeah. I had a medical check-up and apparently I'm 25% fat.
Woman: Is that bad?
Man: Yeah. It's more than some snacks.
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🙂 "3 out of 4 voices in my head want to sleep. (The other wants to know if penguins have knees!)"
(By the way, they do!)

"Dear Luck, Can we be friends in 2022?"

"Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant."
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🙂 "We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "smart"?"
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❤️ 🙂 happy sunday!

 "The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach."

"If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague."

"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."

"You never really learn to pray until your kids learn to drive."
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