I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
"When I was a kid, I used to watch two drops of rain roll down a window and pretend it was a race."
"Noah called. He picks us up in 10 minutes."
"My dog hates the rain. He doesn't want to step in a poodle."
Be careful when stepping on toes, they may be attached to a butt you will soon have to kiss.
“Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.”
“I finally quit drinking for good. Now I drink for evil.”
“Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.”
🙂
“Reality called so I hung up."
"If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it."
"Would you like a table?"
"No not at all. I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground. Carpet for 5 please."
“If at first you don’t succeed, keep flushing.”
“If at first you don’t succeed, love your second child.”
“If at first you don’t succeed, you’ll get a lot of free advice from other folks who didn’t succeed either.”
“If at first you don’t succeed, it’s called ‘attempted’ murder.”
B: Will your drama…be having an intermission?
B: Row, row, row your boat…gently off a cliff.
A: Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
B: And then?
B: 2026? I already hate it.
B: ‘Don’t worry, be happy.’? Are you new here?
B: I hate being negative…but I’m sooo good at it. 🙂
“Adulthood is like losing your Mom at the grocery store for the rest of your life.”
“Adulthood is straight up the worst hood I've ever lived in."
"That horrifying moment when you're looking for an adult and you realize that you are an adult. So you start looking for an adultier adult."
"I'm slowly becoming an adult...please make it stop."
"I don't want to adult today, I just want to dog. I'll be lying on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks."
"Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that were excited for the car ride until we realized where we're going."
"Beard (noun). A food storage device usually found on man's faces."
❤️ 🙂 "Adulthood is saying, 'But after this week, things will slow down a bit,' over and over until you die."
"Things I'm bad at:
singing.
Things I do a lot:
sing."
1. Notice that your body is covered in skin.
2. Say "Wow I'm skinny"
Congratulations you are now skinny."
B: Goes to McDonald's. Orders Unhappy Meal.
B: If you feel depressed you shouldn't go out on the street because it will show on your face and you'll give it to others. Misery is a communicable disease.
B: Your opinion has been duly noted and immediately disregarded.
B: Why socialize when there's perfectly good wifi and food at home.
🙂
Filtered water.
That's been filtered through coffee grounds.
Now I understand...
🙂 "Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine into your brain, and that's where your crappy ideas come from."
Lol.
❤️ "You should not attend even the end of the world without a good breakfast."
"Can any medical person explain to me how a bladder infection and cognitive lucidity are connected?"
🙂 "Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine into your brain, and that's where your crappy ideas come from."
Answer is: Never hold your urine in.
i am currently in knee bend position, and picking up 64 cookies, which are going directly into my mouth.
"Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for the laundry. Welcome to: THE CHAIR."
"Me: Treat yourself. Bank account: Don't treat yourself."
🙂 "Organized people are just too lazy to look for what they want."
"That awkward moment when you say ‘Goodbye!’ to someone, but you both walk off in the same direction."
"That awkward moment when you're ignoring a call and accidentally answer it."
"That awkward moment when you say the wrong answer aloud in class. Confidently."
🙂 "That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word."
"That awkward moment when you chew on someone else’s pen."
"That awkward moment when you accidentally call your boss ‘Honey’."
"That awkward moment when you throw something at your friend and it hits somebody else."
enough awkwardness for today...hug!
bundle of joy 🙂
"Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number."
"Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing what I did yesterday."
🙂 "Never judge a book by its movie."
"Never ask a starfish for directions."
🙂 "I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays."
true story. i fail every time:
"Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world."
true story:
"I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning."
also true story:
🙂 "If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘chocolate’ and I’ll turn around..."
"The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive."
"I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making."
"I'm too lazy to be lazy."
"Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.”
"There’s life without Facebook and internet? Really? Send me the link."
🙂