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❤️ 🙂

“What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships."
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❤️ 🙂

Anything
you can do

I can do
a little bit worse.
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❤️ 🙂

So I've been thinking

and I'd like for that
to stop.

-----
I remember
before you started talking

my lunch was warm
and I was happy.

-----
If you think
this is bad
just wait

it is.

-----
This sounds like
something

I don't care about.

-----
I have 99 problems
and I am
all of them.

-----
I feel very attacked
because of that
true thing

you just said.

-----
Only God
can judge me

and honestly
he's not a fan.

-----
If you don't have time
to do it right,

when will you have time to do it over?
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❤️ 🙂

She walked with the sun
danced
with the moon
and spoke
to the stars

honestly it was
super weird.
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❤️ 🙂 Snoopy quotes:

“Everyone has a guardian angel. The lucky ones have a Snoopy.”

“I have selective hearing. I’m sorry: you were not selected.”

“Be you! The world will adjust.”

“To strengthen the muscles of your heart the best exercise is, lifting someone else’s spirit.”
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❤️ 🙂

“OCD. Obsessive Coffee Disorder."

"Coffee. Because anger management is too expensive."

"I love days when my only problem is...tea or coffee."

"Coffee. Because sarcasm needs to stay hydrated."

"I made a huge to-do list. I'm just trying to figure out who's going to do it."
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hello monday...we meet again...

❤️ 🙂 “When life give you lemons, trade them for coffee."

"Coffee helps me maintain my 'never killed anyone' streak."

"I don't care if the glass is half empty or half full - is there coffee in it?"

"Coffee. Because murder is wrong."

"I'd rather take coffee than compliments just now."

"Step aside coffee. This is a job for alcohol."
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❤️ 🙂

"This is the last Monday of this week."

"I'm holding a cup of coffee so, yeah I'm pretty busy."

"Once in a while someone amazing comes along and here I am."

"Adulthood. May your coffee be stronger than your problems!"

"Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs coffee."

"I want to K I - - you. Options may vary."

"Forget love, fall in coffee."

🙂 "If you are agitated and confused my work here is done."
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how can it STILL be monday?...

❤️ 🙂

"I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship."

"Coffee. Smile. Laugh. Repeat."

"Can I call you back in a few cups of coffee?"

"Follow your heart, but take coffee with you."
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❤️ 🙂

“Monday checklist: coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee.”

“I hate mornings and Mondays. And working. But other than that I am entirely happy.”
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it's STILL monday...

❤️ 🙂
"Desperate times called, they want their desperate measures back."

🙂 "I have a ton of excitement in my life. I used to call it stress, but I feel much better now that I call it excitement."
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❤️ 🙂 a boss to an employee:

"I want you to think 7.048239 inches outside the box."

"We have a surplus of solutions, so I need you to create a bunch of new problems."

"We're seeing a significant drop in customer complaints since we stopped answering our phones."

🙂 "Thinking outside the box didn't work. Thinking inside the box didn't work. Maybe it's a defective box!"
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❤️ 🙂 a dog standing outside the bathroom, with a toilet paper roll in his mouth:

"Perhaps the noble of all rescue animals, the lavatory retriever."
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❤️ 🙂

"Never get into an argument with someone who types faster than you.”

“The best therapist has fur and four legs.”

“I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother.”

“My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.”
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Another not really a joke. I just realized that depends look an awful lot like booties. Mom illustrated.
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❤️ 🙂 "I'm a light eater. As soon as it's light, I start eating."
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❤️ 🙂 “No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does.”

“A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.”
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❤️ 🙂 “I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor."

"Hi, I'm Stopthat. Sometimes they call me 'Getbackhere'."

"Taking a dog named Shark to the beach is a bad idea."

"Dogs are God's way of apologizing for your relatives."
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❤️ 🙂 “The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math."
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I always appreciate reading your jokes, BOJ, but a special thank you for "Taking a dog named Shark to the beach is a bad idea." I needed that snort-laugh just now! 😂
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have an awesome day everyone!

dear ali, to balance things out a bit, today we need some cat quotes. (otherwise who knows what kind of scratches i’ll get the next time i meet a cat) (i’m just thinking about my safety) (i bet they read what i post.)

❤️ 🙂 “In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”

“Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause the most inconvenience.”

“As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.”

(i’ll throw in 1 dog quote: “Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.”)

“Cats never listen. They’re dependable that way; when Rome burned, the emperor’s cats still expected to be fed on time.”

“If a dog jumps into your lap it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing it is because your lap is warmer.” 

🙂 “I read that when cats are cuddling and kneading you, and you think it’s cute, they’re really just checking your vitals for weak spots.”
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❤️ 🙂 back to dog quotes:

“So, in all my lives as a dog, here’s what I learned. Have fun, obviously. Whenever possible, find someone to save and save them. Lick the ones you love.”

“All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For, after all, he was only human. He wasn’t a dog.”
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❤️ 🙂 we all seek success in various ways (how ever you want to define success). here's some advice on success:

"I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite."

"If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried."

"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."

"He was a dreamer, a thinker, a philosopher. Or, as his wife would have it, an idiot."

"Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck."

🙂 "Life gave me lemons." - Super-successful lemon farmer
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🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋
"When life gives you lemons you tell life to get a life because lemons are a terrible gift."

"When life hands you lemonade, don't try to make lemons."

"A grapefruit is just a lemon that saw an opportunity and took advantage of it."

🙂 “When life gives you lemons squeeze one in your hair and go surf.”

“When life gives you lemons, make a lemon detox, and stay away from toxic people.”

🙂 "When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail."
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🙂 🙂 "There are seven days in a week, and someday isn't one of them."

❤️ "Reminder: your spirit needs recharging at least as often as your phone or laptop. Make time to reconnect with yourself."
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I got a new Famous Five book from the OP shop – Enid Blyton’s name and signature on the cover. Entitled ‘The Famous Five Help Grandma Go On Line’. Clearly by arrangement with the copyright owner, and there was a list of them. My favorite is ‘The Famous Five Go Gluten Free’. Well I never!
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Margaret, there's a range of Ladybird book parodies, too - The Ladybird Book of Mindfulness is fun.
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❤️ 🙂

me: sometimes i talk to myself.

me: omg same.
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🙂 🙂

“If someone tells me to ‘take it down a notch’, that guarantees an immediate 4 to 5 notch increase. Don’t try and de-notch me.”

“My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there’s a new strain out there.”

“Sometimes the obstacles that need to be removed from your life have names…”

🙂 “Sometimes, the amount of self-control it takes to not say what’s on my mind is so immense, I need a nap afterward.”
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❤️ 🙂 "Alexa, skip to Friday. And please bring me 3 donuts right now, and 1 coffee. Strong. Thanks a bunch."
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