I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
“What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships."
Anything
you can do
I can do
a little bit worse.
So I've been thinking
and I'd like for that
to stop.
-----
I remember
before you started talking
my lunch was warm
and I was happy.
-----
If you think
this is bad
just wait
it is.
-----
This sounds like
something
I don't care about.
-----
I have 99 problems
and I am
all of them.
-----
I feel very attacked
because of that
true thing
you just said.
-----
Only God
can judge me
and honestly
he's not a fan.
-----
If you don't have time
to do it right,
when will you have time to do it over?
She walked with the sun
danced
with the moon
and spoke
to the stars
honestly it was
super weird.
“Everyone has a guardian angel. The lucky ones have a Snoopy.”
“I have selective hearing. I’m sorry: you were not selected.”
“Be you! The world will adjust.”
“To strengthen the muscles of your heart the best exercise is, lifting someone else’s spirit.”
“OCD. Obsessive Coffee Disorder."
"Coffee. Because anger management is too expensive."
"I love days when my only problem is...tea or coffee."
"Coffee. Because sarcasm needs to stay hydrated."
"I made a huge to-do list. I'm just trying to figure out who's going to do it."
❤️ 🙂 “When life give you lemons, trade them for coffee."
"Coffee helps me maintain my 'never killed anyone' streak."
"I don't care if the glass is half empty or half full - is there coffee in it?"
"Coffee. Because murder is wrong."
"I'd rather take coffee than compliments just now."
"Step aside coffee. This is a job for alcohol."
"This is the last Monday of this week."
"I'm holding a cup of coffee so, yeah I'm pretty busy."
"Once in a while someone amazing comes along and here I am."
"Adulthood. May your coffee be stronger than your problems!"
"Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs coffee."
"I want to K I - - you. Options may vary."
"Forget love, fall in coffee."
🙂 "If you are agitated and confused my work here is done."
❤️ 🙂
"I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship."
"Coffee. Smile. Laugh. Repeat."
"Can I call you back in a few cups of coffee?"
"Follow your heart, but take coffee with you."
“Monday checklist: coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee.”
“I hate mornings and Mondays. And working. But other than that I am entirely happy.”
❤️ 🙂
"Desperate times called, they want their desperate measures back."
🙂 "I have a ton of excitement in my life. I used to call it stress, but I feel much better now that I call it excitement."
"I want you to think 7.048239 inches outside the box."
"We have a surplus of solutions, so I need you to create a bunch of new problems."
"We're seeing a significant drop in customer complaints since we stopped answering our phones."
🙂 "Thinking outside the box didn't work. Thinking inside the box didn't work. Maybe it's a defective box!"
"Perhaps the noble of all rescue animals, the lavatory retriever."
"Never get into an argument with someone who types faster than you.”
“The best therapist has fur and four legs.”
“I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother.”
“My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.”
“A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.”
"Hi, I'm Stopthat. Sometimes they call me 'Getbackhere'."
"Taking a dog named Shark to the beach is a bad idea."
"Dogs are God's way of apologizing for your relatives."
dear ali, to balance things out a bit, today we need some cat quotes. (otherwise who knows what kind of scratches i’ll get the next time i meet a cat) (i’m just thinking about my safety) (i bet they read what i post.)
❤️ 🙂 “In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
“Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause the most inconvenience.”
“As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.”
(i’ll throw in 1 dog quote: “Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.”)
“Cats never listen. They’re dependable that way; when Rome burned, the emperor’s cats still expected to be fed on time.”
“If a dog jumps into your lap it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing it is because your lap is warmer.”
🙂 “I read that when cats are cuddling and kneading you, and you think it’s cute, they’re really just checking your vitals for weak spots.”
“So, in all my lives as a dog, here’s what I learned. Have fun, obviously. Whenever possible, find someone to save and save them. Lick the ones you love.”
“All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For, after all, he was only human. He wasn’t a dog.”
"I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite."
"If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried."
"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."
"He was a dreamer, a thinker, a philosopher. Or, as his wife would have it, an idiot."
"Success is made up of courage, brains, and luck. Since the first two are a function of the third, it's pretty much all luck."
🙂 "Life gave me lemons." - Super-successful lemon farmer
"When life gives you lemons you tell life to get a life because lemons are a terrible gift."
"When life hands you lemonade, don't try to make lemons."
"A grapefruit is just a lemon that saw an opportunity and took advantage of it."
🙂 “When life gives you lemons squeeze one in your hair and go surf.”
“When life gives you lemons, make a lemon detox, and stay away from toxic people.”
🙂 "When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail."
❤️ "Reminder: your spirit needs recharging at least as often as your phone or laptop. Make time to reconnect with yourself."
me: sometimes i talk to myself.
me: omg same.
“If someone tells me to ‘take it down a notch’, that guarantees an immediate 4 to 5 notch increase. Don’t try and de-notch me.”
“My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there’s a new strain out there.”
“Sometimes the obstacles that need to be removed from your life have names…”
🙂 “Sometimes, the amount of self-control it takes to not say what’s on my mind is so immense, I need a nap afterward.”