Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
How are they going to administer the clock test (for cognitive decline, dementia) to the new generation who were never taught to read an analog clock in school? 🕝
Oh, I know-put Mickey Mouse ears on it and they will learn...⏰
(3)
Report

Save the chickens. 🐤

How will we know if the sky is falling if we don't save the chickens?
(5)
Report

I'll never reveal my sources Send. But it may be possible they were on twitter🤔🤨
(4)
Report

Wondering how graffitti will continue in the future if they can't write?
Maybe there will be an app or technology for applying graffitti messages to walls?
(5)
Report

It is so hot that the cows around here are producing evaporated milk!

It is so hot here that my lab, Raven, will only pee where the grass has had some shade for a while. That's some hot grass! She's a smart dog!
(6)
Report

Amusing note: a drunk driver ran off the right side of the highway, through two lawns, and finished by running into the local THP (TN highway patrol) station and injuring an EMS worker (not badly). The 41 yo lady was surprised she was promptly charged with reckless endangerment and DUI... maybe she will understand when she sobers up!
(6)
Report

Chicken Pot Pie pox.
(3)
Report

Here's a link for all of you who are now or have in the past dealt with rehab facilities:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOmGs7B-T94
(3)
Report

Bundle of joy, where are you?

Hope you are doing well and will come back here soon.

Miss you and your jokes.
(5)
Report

hugs polarbear!! :) just saw your message!! :) i'll returnnnn. i'm on holiday, learning how to fish!! :) :)

i just saw sendhelp's joke about "obedient wives" and round Earth. hahaha :). i'm going to call my parents right now, and tell them your joke, sendhelp. (my parents normally receive daily jokes from me).

**update: my parents loved your joke, sendhelp! :)
(6)
Report

❤️ 🙂 happy monday! i’m really enjoying my 1st time fishing. clean water: you can drink straight from the lake. blueberries everywhere.
🙃🙃🙂🙂

so…here some fishing jokes:

“Please hold, I’m on the other line…”

“WTF. Where’s The Fish?”

“Keeping it reel.”

🙃🙃 “Good things come to those who bait.”

anddd we also need some non-fishing jokes:

“Vacation calories don’t count.”

“Some of the best memories are made in flip flops.”

🙂 “Why go on vacation when work is so much more fun?”

🙂🙂 “I can’t afford vacation, so I’m just going to drink until I don’t know where I am.”
(3)
Report

My Doctor had a stroke 3 years ago, I finally made an appointment with another doctor.
He gave me an assessment test, at the end of the visit he prescribed me depression pills.
I told him I'm not overly depressed, but he wanted me to take them. I looked up the brand before picking them up, it said the medication was for schizophrenia.
I know I don't have that, as a matter of fact I checked with the others in my head and we all agreed, we don't have schizophrenia, the people have spoken. I'm not taking it.
(5)
Report

Boj;

Fishing is my second favorite activity, catching is my first.

If it was easy, they would call it catching, not fishing.
(2)
Report

dear isthisrealyreal,

haha :). i see! :)
i'm really getting into it. i think it's going to become my new hobby. it was simply DELICIOUS, in the frying pan 5 minutes after catching it.

some of you know that my dinner usually consists of Twix (rest of the day I eat healthily). this has now changed. fresh fishhhhh. :)

------
loved your joke stoshsdaughter :).

------
it is time for another joke :).
regarding the heat wave over here...

❤️ 🙂 

"I gotta get my life together. This damn heat made me realize I can't go to h*ll."

"At least my coffee won't get cold in h*ll."
(2)
Report

🙂 

❤️ "I'm eating just in case I get hungry later."

"Dangerous when hungry."

"Eating pizza in yoga pants is as close to exercise as I'll ever get."

❤️ "Every time we try to eat healthy along comes Xmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Wednesday, and ruins it for us."
(2)
Report

❤️ 🙂 more food quotes:

“If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger.”

"Donut kill my vibe."

"Always crust your instincts."

"When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate."

🙂 "I’m not like other girls. I know what I want for dinner. I’ve been thinking about it since lunch."
(2)
Report

❤️ 🙂 more fooood quotes:

“Indigestion happens when you love food that hates you.”

“The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!”

“Another one bites the crust.”

🙂 “The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”
(5)
Report

I like that chocoholics program! Mmmm, chocolate😋
(3)
Report

❤️ 🙂

“Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”

“All you have to know about celery is that it’s made up of 95% water, and it’s 100% not pizza.”

🙂 “I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.”
(3)
Report

❤️ 🙂 true story. fork and knife in my hands, slicing a pizza:

“This is how I cut carbs.”

——
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with eating bad carbs at the airport.”

🙂 “The cardiologist’s diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.”
(3)
Report

❤️ 🙂 “I’ve got 99 problems, and they’re all carbs.”

“I save my carbs for tacos. It’s called priorities.”

🙂 “I never thought I’d be the kind of person who would get up early to exercise. I was right.”
(2)
Report

❤️ 🙂 “Due to the confidentiality of my job, I don’t know what I’m doing.”
(2)
Report

❤️ 🙂

“Told you so.”

Sincerely,
Your intuition
(2)
Report

🙂

“I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.”
(5)
Report

🙂 “I know it’s cheesy, but I think you’re grate.”
(2)
Report

🙂 🙂

“I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
(3)
Report

❤️

“Marriage is a wonderful invention; then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.”
(2)
Report

🙂 “The only time I passionately knocked everything off a table, I was trying to make room for a pizza.”
(4)
Report

❤️ 🙂

“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.”

🙂 “If you reach for a star, you might not get one. But you won’t come up with a hand full of mud either.”

“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.”
(5)
Report

🙂 “You live and learn. Then you die and forget it all.”
(3)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter