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❤️ 🙂

“It’s 4:58 on Friday afternoon. Do you know where your margarita is?”
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❤️ 🙂 have a GREAT friday!

“No quote can describe how awesome Friday is.”

“That’s a horrible idea. What time?”

🙂 🙂 “Some people are like clouds. Once they are gone, it’s a beautiful day.”

“One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening.”

 “Don’t talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.”

🙂 “From the ages of eight to 18, my family and I moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
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Margarita is somewhere in Australia?
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❤️ 🙂 TGIF!

“Sereni-tea. (noun). The absence of stress while drinking tea.”
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❤️ 🙂 coffeeeeee

“Me before coffee:
Judgmental and sarcastic.

Me after coffee:
Judgmental and sarcastic, but faster.”
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A police officer was patrolling late at night off the main highway. At nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car, in lovers' lane, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, The cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, Officer?"
The cop asks: "What are you doing?"
The young man says: "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: "And, her, what is she doing?"
The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails."
Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane and nothing is happening!
The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?"
The young man says: "I'm 22, sir."
The cop asks: "And her, what's her age?"
The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."
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❤️ 🙂

“Day 9 without chocolate. Lost hearing in my left eye.”
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❤️ 🙂 

“I’m not great at advice, may I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”

“I’ve never faked a sarcasm in my life.”

“I have ABS
olutely no self-control when it comes to dessert.”
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❤️ 🙂 

“I may not be your cup of tea, but I’m totally your 10th shot of tequila.”
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❤️ 🙂 

“I wonder what my dog named me.”
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🙃

“You think I’m sarcastic? You should hear what I don’t say!”
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🙃

“Get your facts first. Then you can distort them as you please.”

“Everyone is entitled to my opinion.”
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❤️ 🙂 

“I have mixed drinks about feelings.”

“Today is a multiple cups of tea kind of day.”

❤️ “We’ve got chemis-tea!”

🦖🦖🦖 “Tea-rex.”

“Move oolong. Nothing to tea here.”
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❤️ 🙂 

“It’s been a long week.”
—Me, in the middle of Monday
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☕️☕️☕️ 🙃 “Monday checklist: coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee.”

❤️ “According to researchers, Monday mornings are so depressing that on average, humans don’t crack a smile until 11:24 a.m!”
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🤪 “I’m not sure if it’s the end of the world or just Monday.”
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❤️ 🙂 gooodnight everyone! i hope your week will be GREAT! i’m wrapped up in bed. some tea and a book, and then zzzzz. courage to all. i know we’re all going through tough moments sometimes.

“Step aside Monday…This is a job for TEA.”

“Thanks for being my best-tea!”

“I think there’s tea for that.”

“Tea! Crisis management since 1652!”

“Life hurts. More tea?”

“Team is spelled…Tea…mmmm.”

❤️ “Would you like an adventure now, or shall we have our tea first?”
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🤓🤓🙃 tuesday night. we need some sarcastic jokes…

“Woke up today. It was terrible.”

🙃 “I’m not angry. I’m happiness challenged.”

“Yep, despite the look on my face, you are still talking.”

“If stupidity was painful, you’d be in agony.”

“I don’t need anger management courses. The rest of the world needs stupidity management courses.”

🙂 “When life gives you lemons, freeze them and throw them as hard as you can at the people making your life difficult.”

❤️ “Don’t be grumpy. That’s my job.”
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❤️ 🙂 “Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
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❤️ ❤️  “I need a timeout. Send me to the beach and don’t let me come back until I change my attitude.”
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😇

“I like that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it’s adorable.”

“If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one vest…I would miss you so much.”

“I found a hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof, so you can see them all.”
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❤️ 🙂 "When life knocks me down, I just get back up and say is that all you got."
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❤️

“I don’t need a stress ball. I *need* a stress bat.”

“Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.”

“Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.”

🙃 “Reality is the leading cause of stress.”
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🙃

“Reality continues to ruin my life.”
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🙃

“My hobbies include staying up until 2 am for no reason and being exhausted the next day.”
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Always remember it is better to wake up and pee,
than to pee and wake up.
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❤️ “Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
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🙃😇 “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”
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bundleofjoy, of all your jokes this one really put a big smile on my face:

🙃😇 “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”

Aint that the truth!
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:) haha natasana, now you made me smile. i re-read the joke, and laughed again too :).
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