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🙃 “If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.”

🤓 “It’s not failure, it’s unfinished success.”

🤓 “If at first you don’t succeed, give up and try something else.”

❤️ “If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0”
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❤️😎🤓🤓 as a good friend, i want to make sure everyone knows the Senior Citizen Texting Code:

ATD: At The Doctors

BFF: Best Friend Fell

BTW: Bring The Wheelchair

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

FWIW: Forgot Where I Was

GGPBL: Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low

IMHO: Is My Hearing Aid On

LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

OMMR: On My Massage Recliner

ROFLACGU: Rolling On Floor Laughing And Can’t Get Up

TTYL: Talk To You Louder
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🙂🙂 “Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can't answer.”
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🛳🛳🛳 “I don’t give a ship.”

“I was gonna take over the world today, but I overslept.”

“My dog is not spoiled; I’m just well trained.”

🙂 “I’m sorry, I was thinking about cats again.”

“You’ve cat to be kitten me!?”

“Whenever I see a cat at a party: finally someone I can talk to.”

“Saw it, wanted it, threw a tantrum and got it!”
(quote for those poor caregivers who are dealing with toxic parents for example.)
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🙂 “I’m not spoiled. Just well loved.”

“I work hard so my dog can live the dream.”

“I’ve run the numbers. We’re allowed to get 3 more cats.”
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❤️🙂 “Let’s face it, I was crazy before the cats.”
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🙂🙂 “Am I the only one who spent a large portion of my childhood waiting for my superpowers to start working?”

🏖🏖 …still waiting.
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🙂

“I hate it when I don’t forward a chain letter, and I die the next day.”
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❤️🙂

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."
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“A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.” 

🙂
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“When parents say to kids “go to your room & think about what you’ve done” it’s really good practice for what you’ll do every night as an adult.”

🙂
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“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my mother after all!”

🙂
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🙂 “Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom? He had no body to go with.”
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❤️🙂

“Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.”

“Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost.”

“Best Friends. They know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.”
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“Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore?”
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"There are many challenges to long distance running, but one of the greatest is the question of where to put one’s house keys."

"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch TV."

"Life is short. Running makes it seem longer."

"Run like hell and get the agony over with."

🙃 "I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups."

"How do you know if someone ran a marathon? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you."

🙂🙂 "We can’t all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."
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🙃🙃🙃

“The most difficult thing about a marathon? Working it into every conversation for the next year.”

“Don’t be a jogger, they’re the one’s who find dead bodies.”

“This is a lot of work for a free banana.”

“I’ve got 99 problems, so I went on a run to ignore them all.” 

“It’s a hill. Get over it.”
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🙃🙃🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

“If found on the ground, please drag over the finish line.”
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🙂 “There are too many witnesses for me to tell you what I really think.”
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😴😴 “If the monster comes out of the closet tonight, say hi for me then go back to sleep.”

“Trust dogs. They always know who to stay away from.”

😎😎🤓 “Having a bad day? No worries! Wear sunglasses. Now you’re having a bad evening.”
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❤️ “It’s OK if you fall apart sometimes. Tacos fall apart and we still love them.”
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❤️🙂

“Dear abs, maybe we will meet someday."

"Abs are great, but have you tried donuts?"
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"I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was, 'I bet a donut wouldn't have done this to me.'"

🤪🤪 "Donut worry, be happy." 

❤️ "When you kinda want abs, but you kinda wanna eat 17 donuts and 3 large pizzas."
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❤️

“The most common cause of stress nowadays is daily contact with idiots.”
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❤️ 

“Two things: 1. Where have you been all my life? 2. Can you please go back there?”
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🙂

“I don’t think I meet the height requirement to ride your emotional rollercoaster.”
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‎🙂 "I've tried yoga, but I find stress less boring."
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‎🙂

"I’m not judging you. I’m just trying to guess what medications you’re on.”
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‎🙂 

"Not to brag, but I haven’t had a mood swing in, like, 7 minutes.”
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🤓🤓 “To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time.”
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