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“It’s not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it’s the seconds.”
(5)
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🙂

“Enjoy the good times because something terrible is probably about to happen.”
(2)
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😊😇

“The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that’s even worse.”
(2)
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🥧🥧🥧🦃🦃🦃

“Leftovers are for quitters.”
(4)
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Thank you for all the jokes! And for making our days brighter. x
(5)
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thanks for your sweet words!! hug!! 🙂🙂❤️
(1)
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❤️😉🦃

“It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring.”

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"I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family."

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"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often."

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“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.” 
🙂
(2)
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❤️😉🦃

“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.”
(4)
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❤️🙂

"The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we can agree so vehemently about? I don't think so."
(3)
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❤️❤️❤️🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧

“If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must first invent the universe.”
(2)
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🥧🥧🥧🥧

“What did the pumpkin say after Thanksgiving? Good-pie everyone!”
(3)
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🦃🦃🥧🥧😇😇🌵🌵🌵🌵

“A man (Bob) is hugging a cactus. Overwhelmed with gratitude, Bob hugged the wrong tree.”
(2)
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🥧🥧🥧🥰🥰🥰

“Pumpkin pie fixes everything. Fact.”
(1)
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🌵🌵🌵

“You may be given a cactus, but you don’t have to sit on it.”
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❤️🙂 funny pessimistic quotes to demotivate you...

"If it tastes good, it's trying to kill you."

"When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults."

"You're not deep, you're not an intellectual, you're not an artist, you're not a critic, you're not a poet. You just have internet access."

"Tell your boss what you think of him, and the truth shall set you free."

"There are no stupid questions, there are a lot inquisitive idiots."
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🥧🦃🦃🥧

“Remember to set your scales back 10 pounds this week.”
(5)
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❤️🙂 haha, nice one.

a few more:

🦃🦃🥧🥧
“Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape…to play Santa Claus.”

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🥹🥹
“That look, when you get on the scale.”

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😳
“If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE.”

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✏️✏️“What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin pi.”

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🤔🤔
“If I was a turkey, I’d be doing everything I could to taste terrible right now.”

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“For the first time, we are going to have a HAPPY Thanksgiving. This year, I am stuffing the turkey with Prozac!”

❤️🙂🦃🦃
(1)
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❤️🙂

“OMG, I gave thanks for everything yesterday, but it was the WRONG DAY.”
(1)
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❤️🙂

“Thanksgiving journal, Day 3: Have come to regard eating pie 3-5 times a day as normal. Wearing a bed sheet as a toga because nothing fits.”
(2)
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😋😋😇😇🥔🥔

“*switching the place cards so I’m sitting next to the mashed potatoes and turkey*”
(2)
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🥰

“I followed my diet, but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.”

🥹 “Today I bought a cupcake without sprinkles…Diets are hard.”

“Maybe psychopaths are just regular people on a low carb, sugar free diet.”
(2)
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🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🥛🥛🥑🌽🍅🍆

“80% cookie monster, 20% health goddess.”
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🦃🦃🥧🥧☕️☕️🥰🥰

“Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”
(1)
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😜🥸

“Happiness is…being weird every now and then.”
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🥰

“Happiness is…the privilege of friendship (to talk total nonsense but have that nonsense respected).”

“Happiness is…to be able to pull each other out of the hole no matter how deep it is.”

“Happiness is…when you stop over-analyzing everything.”

🥸🥸 “Happiness is…talking to yourself and laughing at how weird you are.”
(3)
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🥰

“Happiness is…reading a quote and thinking, ‘Yes! Exactly!’”

“Happiness is…truly not caring what people think of you.”

🥰🧁🧁🧁“Happiness is…when you’re having a bad day and it suddenly starts to rain cupcakes.”
(1)
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Socrates to do is to be.

Plato to be is to do.

Scooby do be do
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🙃

“Where is far, far away and how do I get there?”
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🤔🫣

“Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?”
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Mom always said: "Work hard so your bank account balance looks like a phone number."

Well, I did.

Balance is $9.11
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