I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
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🥳🥳🥳
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“I don’t believe in superstition because it brings BAD LUCK.”
You have some great jokes, making me laugh all the time.
I just try to pass on a few (copy, paste) that make me laugh.
Thanks though, I cannot take any credit.
I am always fearful that the copy/paste police will arrest me.
“It is a little known fact that the Bermuda Triangle used to be called the Bermuda Rectangle. Until one side mysteriously disappeared.”
dear llamalover,
“Common sense is not a gift, it’s a punishment…because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.”
“Astrology:
because millions of planets and stars have spent billions of years lining themselves up just to let you know that you will meet someone with brown eyes today.”
“Hey people who know astrology. I’ve been having a lot of feelings recently. Any planets I can blame that on?”
“Man: It’s not my fault officer. I’m a Gemini, and Gemini’s are always in a hurry.
Cop: Wow, that’s crazy. I’m a Libra, which means I don’t care, and here’s your ticket.”
“Doctor: What’s your zodiac sign?
Woman: Cancer.
Doctor: What a coincidence.”
“When a person you like is into astrology and they tell you that your signs don’t match…
I defy you, stars!”
😫😫😫
“Some of these astrology posts are so biased and specific like…
aquarius: super great friends!
pisces: beautiful people truly
cancer: are always there for you
libra: super understanding
capricorn: will convince you to break up with your boyfriend and then have s*x with him behind your back. f*** you Sara.”
🙂😉
“We didn’t provide any alcohol at this family reunion. We were concerned people would start being honest with each other.”
“If you’re upset because you couldn’t bring a boyfriend or girlfriend, just remember: It’s in their best interest.”
“I’ve heard it said many times “family reunions create stronger families.” No one ever told me that it was done by thinning out the weak. I’m concerned I may not make it home once this thing’s over.”
“How do you get everyone excited about a family reunion? By telling them it’s been cancelled!”
“All the women I love in one room, and I couldn’t be more scared for my life!”
“The only thing that could make this reunion more dangerous is a Monopoly competition.”
“Do you remember what happened at the last family reunion? Yeah, I’ve tried to block it out too.”
"Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands and then eat just one of those pieces."
“When life gives you lemons, throw them away and ask for chocolate.” 🙂
“I can’t keep calm around chocolate.”
“I’m not overweight, I’m chocolate enriched.
“Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’, I wash my mouth with chocolate.”
“If you ever feel unlucky, remember there are people who are allergic to chocolate.”
“Please save the planet. It’s the only one with chocolate.”
“Either you love chocolate or you’re wrong.”
“Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.”
"If there’s no chocolate in Heaven, I’m not going."
This went on for years and years until one day, suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened, and god stepped in front of her and slapped her across the face!
"At least buy a bloody ticket, Margie!"
This made me laugh as I keep squinting at the 500M-1B lottery Powerball prizes over the past year. Oh, what a dream. Guess I have to buy a ticket to have a (non) chance.😜
“Every day a piano doesn’t fall on my head is good luck.”
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“Are you ready to eat? I totally yam.”
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🥰
“Nice legs.”
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“I only have pies for you.”
“Let your light shine bright so the other weirdos can find you.”
"Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That's one of my mottos."
"I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness."
🦉“Thank you for owl you do.”
🐕 “Thank you furry much.”
☺️ “Thank you for being your amazing self.”
“Sometimes I go hours without coffee. It’s called sleeping.”
“I’m not the kind of person you should put on speaker phone.”
“I do not spew profanities. I enunciate them clearly, like a f*** lady.”
“I need to get out of this bed! I’m late for the couch!”
“So when is this ‘old enough to know better’ supposed to kick in?”
“Another fine day ruined by responsibility.”
“I wasn’t planning on going for a run today. But those cops came out of nowhere.”
“Telling someone to calm down works about as well as baptizing a cat.”
“My guardian angel…just filed a restraining order against me.”
“Please be patient. I’m messing things up as fast as I can.”
“I don’t usually brag about going to expensive places, but I just left the gas station.”
🥰 “My needs are simple, all I want is everything.”