I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
Fortune cookie message: "This cookie is never gonna give up, never gonna let you down."
Fortune cookie message: "Your pet is planning to eat you."
Fortune cookie message: "Pigeon poop burns the retina for 13 hours. You will learn this the hard way."
Fortune cookie message: "Be kind to pigeons. A statue will some day be made of you."
Fortune cookie message: "What's the speed of dark?"
Fortune cookie message: "Only listen to fortune cookie, disregard all other fortune telling units."
“You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't."
No Susan. I'm not even ready for today.
“Do you ever meet someone for the first time and want to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?”
“I hate when I go out in public and the public is there.”
“I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”
“I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.”
“Hey, are you a software update? Because not now.”
Mood 24:7”
“There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you’re busy interrupting.”
“I HATE having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a really disgusted stare from my seat on the couch.”
“I found out that saying, ‘There, there little girl,’ to an angry grown man only makes things worse.”
“I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.”
“If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.”
“Someone just honked to get out of my parking spot faster so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.”
“Having a dirty mind makes ordinary conversations much more interesting.”
“IF I AM SILENT it’s because there’s thunder inside me. Or I’m just chillin, it depends. May the odds be ever in your favor.”
“You can always tell when a man’s well-informed. His views are pretty much like your own.”
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
“Man cannot live by bread alone; he must also have peanut butter.”
“I loaf you dough much!”
“Bakers make the world smell better.”
“All you knead is love.”