I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
“I have CDO. It’s like OCD, but all the letters are in alphabetical order AS THEY SHOULD BE.”
"When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it."
“In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
“I’m wondering who ate my bowl of sunshine this morning?”
“What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.”
“The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.”
Senior Citizen Texting Code:
BFF: Best Friend Fell
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
GGPBL: Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low
IMHO: Is My Hearing Aid On
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
ROFLACGU: Rolling On Floor Laughing And Can’t Get Up
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
“BREAKING NEWS…
The world is almost out of common sense.”
“BREAKING NEWS…
Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to prevent Covid-19 but to stop eating.”
“BREAKING NEWS…
Several people out of millions on twitter offended about something you don’t care about.”
“Now hiring,” read the classified ad. “Cemetery superintendent. The ideal candidate must be able to supervise in a fast-paced environment.”
“Here the bridal couple stood, facing the floral setting, and exchanged cows.”
—
“It took many rabbits many years to write the Talmud.”
—
“Human brian is still evolving, says scientist.”
—
“Employment wanted. Manure woman wanted.”
—
“One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers.”
"Mentally ill needed:
To interview for novel. Must be successful & interesting."
"For Sale By Owner:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica.
45 volumes.
Excellent condition.
$1,000.
No longer needed.
Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything."
"WILL the person who got hit in the head by a tomato in the 1950s please contact (414) 453...."
"USED TOILET PAPER - For sale. I have a wide selection of brands and designs, call for details and prices."
"SURGEON WANTED for a new health clinic opening in the area. No experience needed. Must have own tools."
"FOR FREE:
Beautiful 6-month old kitten, orange & caramel, playful, friendly, very affectionate.
OR
Handsome 32-year old husband, funny, good job, but doesn't like cats. Says he goes or cat goes.
CALL Jennifer. Come see both & decide which you'd like."
"A wise man once said, 'I don't know, go ask a woman.'"
"Things happen for a reason. Except for clowns. There's no reason for clowns."
“If anyone had me
in mind for Valentine’s
Day, my favorite flower
is weed.”
“The last two years
have been a strange
ten years”
“If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rectangle of doubt.”
“OK. I'm ready for Rich People Problems. I've mastered Broke People Problems, so I'd like to move to the next level, please.”
“This year we fought two pandemics.
COVID-19 AND STUPIDITY.”
“My xmas list is short this year:
— $1,000,000 in cash
— the souls of all who have displeased me
— a kitten”
”Does anyone else look in the
fridge for a snack only to find
you have no snack-worthy
snacks so then you lower
your snackpectations and
eat a single slice of cheese
and a random grape?”
”Shout out to the friends who still like me…All two of you.”
“I’m running out of people I actually like.”