I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
“One more cookie and I swear I'll fit in the Santa costume.”
A reindeer speaking to Santa:
Sorry, Santa, but pulling your sleigh isn’t exactly the most fulfilling job in the world. So, I decided to enroll in nursing school.
“Self-care is officially over, ladies. We’re doing drugs again.”
A xmas tree. A man sitting on a sofa. The cat sits in front of him, giving him a beautifully wrapped box.
Man: If that’s another dead bird, we’re not doing xmas next year.
A Jewish boy sitting on Santa’s lap:
First of all, this conversation never happened.
A man opens the door to
his house. In front of him is the Grim Reaper, with his hood and scythe. In the living room is a shriveled up xmas tree.
The man is startled to see the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper:
Relax. I’m here for the xmas tree.
A xmas tree.
A man opening a letter and speaking to his wife:
Honey, our lawyer wishes us, but in no way guarantees, a Merry Xmas.
"Due to privacy concerns, Santa no longer sees when you're sleeping, or when you're awake."
An elf speaking to Santa:
Your naughty list has been hacked.
A reindeer speaking to another reindeer:
I have no idea why he calls us those weird names...My name is Bob!
Santa and all the reindeers are wearing masks, covering their mouths and noses.
Santa: Okkkkk, which one of you is Rudolph?
"According to serving sizes, I'm a family of four."
"It's not that I want more shoes, it's just that they keep making them in my size."
"I'm stuck between a rock and someone I'd like to hit it with."
"You just have to take it one "are you f**** kidding me" at a time."
To quote Hamlet, Act III, Scene III, Line 87, "NO".
"I can't believe I'm related to these people."
"For convenience sake, I'm considering having our family reunion in the parking lot of a liquor store."
Santa Claus running with his list to the sleigh.
A reindeer:
Chill, dude - it’s just toys. It’s not like you’re delivering a vaccine or anything.
"What do you call a chicken at the North Pole? Lost."
“Why doesn’t Santa eat junk food? Because it’s bad for your elf!”
"I have been good-ish all year."
“Nice until proven naughty.”
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
“You can all come out now, I’ve had my coffee.”
“Qualified to judge you.”
“I get enough exercise pushing my luck.”
“Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at. Take the time and thank a stupid person for their contribution.”
“I see dead people. Well technically they are stupid people, but give me a few minutes.”