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"Find a man who strokes
your hair and says how
soft it is and doesn't
even care that it's on
your legs."
(6)
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I just found out you can tell the sex of an ant by putting them in water;
if it sinks - girl ant,
and if it floats - .......


(I have to admit it took me way too long to get this one)
(9)
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Three symptoms of laziness
#1
(7)
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❤️🙂

"No quote can describe how AWESOME Friday is!"
(2)
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😉 doormats that say:

“Not in a people mood.
Come back never.”


“Come back when you have tacos.”


“The neighbours have better stuff.”


“WELCOME
Beware of wife
kids are also shady
husband is cool”


“I’m Sick Of People Walking All Over Me”
(3)
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😉

“Don’t make the same mistakes
twice. Say NO to reincarnation.”
(3)
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❤️🙂

"X:
Are you coming to bed?

Y (busy typing on a computer):
I can’t. Someone is WRONG on the internet.”
(2)
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❤️🙂

“Think globally,
act locally,
panic internally.”
(3)
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❤️🙂

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re talking about when you criticize me.”
(3)
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❤️🙂

X:
Would you like some tea?

Y:
No.

——

ANARCHY IN THE UK
(3)
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Yeah! My DH keeps saying that he’s only doing it for the money, and it’s the Americans who love to read about it, hence the money. You’ve just proved to him that some have quite enough brains! Thanks, Margaret
(1)
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😉

🐕🐩🐕🐩🐕🐩🐕🐩
"Dogs never bite me.
JUST HUMANS."
(3)
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Does anyone know?

If you are from Poland you are a Pole. Correct?


Does that mean if you are from Holland you are a Hole?
(3)
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❤️🙂

X:
I'm so MAD at you!!!!! 😡🤯🤮🤮🤮🤮

Y:
But do you still love me?

X:
Yes!

Y:
Good.
(2)
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❤️😉

"My to-do list from today seems to consist of everything from my to-do list yesterday."
(6)
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❤️🙂

"I waved to a man because I thought he waved at me. Apparently he waved to another woman. So to get out of the awkward situation I kept my hand up and a taxi pulled over and drove me to the airport. I am now in Poland starting a new life."
(6)
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❤️🙂

"Long story short..........
I need 1 million dollars."
(1)
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🤯

"Want to hear a scary story?
Tomorrow's Monday."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"YOU CAN.
End of story."
(1)
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❤️

“Before you reach the top of the ladder, make sure it’s leaning against the right wall.”
(2)
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🪟🪟🪟🙄🙄🙄

“A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.”
(2)
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❤️🙂

What Da Vinci should have painted...
"The Monday Lisa"
(2)
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"With this coffee ☕
and many, many refills...☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕
I shall overcome Monday!!"
(1)
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🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈

😉 "When petting cats...
be sure not to activate their murder button."
(2)
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❤️🙂 7 am...

"I've dealt with enough idiots for the day.
I need a nap."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"Just stop talking.
Whatever you have to
say can wait until
you're smarter."
(3)
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❤️🙂

"We interrupt your happiness to bring you Monday. Your regularly scheduled happiness will resume on Friday. Sorry for the inconvenience!"
(2)
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❤️🙂

"Always trust your gut.

Your brain can be fooled
and your heart is an
idiot, but your gut
doesn't know how to lie."
(3)
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❤️🙂

"I don't know why
people say such hurtful
things like... 'Let's go for
a run!' or 'Try this kale.'"
(1)
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❤️🙂

"Our generation will be the weirdest grandparents."
(2)
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