I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
"The best things in life are free.
The second best are very expensive."
"Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics."
"I really hate it when the voices in my head argue among themselves as though I wasn't even in the room."
"Getting older is just one body part after another saying, 'Ha, ha, you think that's bad? Watch this.'"
"Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons."
"Do you ever get that sudden outburst of motivation to go and make your life better, then after 5 minutes you're like... 'Yeah, that's not happening ;).'"
"It's bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips."
“If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.”
“Only when a mosquito lands
on your testicles...
...do you truly learn to solve
problems without violence."
"Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same."
"You really should not have told me to dance like nobody's watching."
"Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered...
'Who ties your shoelaces for you?'"
"I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I'm thinking out loud."
Reactions:
Listening to lyrics:
"Incredible...so meaningful. So deep. So poignant.
Such a POET. These words understand my SOUL."
Reading lyrics:
"This is very stupid."
"If my life were narrated.
X: How are things?
Me: Things are good!
[Narrator: Things were not good.]"
"As the day goes on, co-workers start appearing more flammable."
"The world is not full of a****oles, but they are strategically placed
so that
you'll come across one every day.
Every. F***g. Day."
"Three stages of life:
1. Birth
2. What is this???
3. Death"
"Things to keep private:
1. Everything"
"The best ab exercise
is 5 sets of stop eating
so much crap."
Deep Creek, Stony Creek, Salt Creek, Dry Creek (most of them dry in the summer).
Frosty Hollow, Windy Ridge, Razorback Road, Sandy Lane (great until you live there and find it’s all true).
Chinaman’s Well, Chinaman’s Creek (Chinese market gardeners often made more money selling veges to miners than the miners made in the 1890s gold rush).
‘Once upon a time’ names like Seaview Road and Forest Drive (not these days).
Mosquito Swamp Road (genuine, and they’ve never put a housing development there).
And my favorite – the Church-based Nursing Home development in a cul-de-sac for which they lobbied the Council to change the name – St Peter’s Close was a bit off-putting!
I’d love to hear some more. Perhaps the US has fewer Dry Creeks, but other interesting options.
"Just burned 2,000
calories trying to avoid
someone I know at
Walmart."
"You know what would look great on you?
Cement."
"I just sold a lawnmower on Craigslist...
That's the last time my neighbour is going to wake up on a Saturday morning."
"If I throw a stick
will you go away?"
"On average
I spend about $80 a year to watch
bananas turn brown."
"I know it's ruff out there."
"OK...I just had a talk with myself, and things didn't go well. Now I'm GROUNDED!"
: Because the dog was after his bones..