I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
"After all the stupid things I've done in my life...
if I die because I touched my face, I'm going to be seriously pissed!"
"I'm awake.
Please respect my privacy during this difficult time."
"4 rules to remember in life
1. Money can't buy happiness. But it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Dance first. Think later.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they are in trouble again.
4. Alcohol does not solve problems but neither does milk."
Let's eat, Timmy.
(Correct at the dinner table)
Let's eat Timmy.
(Correct on a raft in the ocean)
"Friend:
Can I ask your advice on something?
Me (Have never made a decision that didn't screw me over for months afterward):
Yes, absolutely."
"Sleep well,
middle finger,
you've got a big day ahead of you tomorrow."
Your jokes are stupid, ridiculous and even insane.
I am getting all your jokes.
They make me laugh.
I love them, in between the stress of needing to call 911 for a welfare check on a loved one.
Don't we all just love it when those 90 y. o. family have our big day all planned out for us, with an early morning call?
The joke about the therapist’s office is hilarious!
Once I gave my neighbor a ride to her therapy appointment. She was having car trouble.
Anyway, she started saying all of these crazy comments which were horribly offensive to the other patients in the waiting room. Oh my gosh, I wanted to crawl under the coffee table to hide from embarrassment, plus I didn’t want to be found guilty by association.
The looks that people gave her were priceless! I started looking around for a hidden camera. LOL 😆
No hidden camera. It wasn’t a practical joke for my benefit, although I wish it had more.
I discovered that my neighbor was a whack job! I never took her anywhere else after that experience.
"Some of you walked into my life
and made it better,
others walked out and
made it f****ing fantastic!"
"Dogs can be our best friends,
but the cat will never tell the police where the marijuana is."
"You will understand when you are older."
I am now older and still don't understand a f****ing thing.
"Laughter is the best medicine.
Unless you have diarrhea."
"I am 200% done with today.
And about 37% done with tomorrow."
"I'm in a really good place spiritually.
So, please f****k off."
"I'll be saving my resolution for 2024.
I think I want to be an a*****ole for 1 more year."
“I have met my quota for stupid people this year.
I am no longer taking applications.
Thank you.”
“My mind is more talkative than my mouth.”
"All right...
Who pushed the fast forward button my weekend?"
“Monday again?? Is this really necessary?"
“How to get through a Monday:
1. Fill a bucket with chocolate mousse.
2. Place bucket over head.
3. Wait till Tuesday."
"But first,
champagne.
I mean, coffee...
It's Monday."
"Hello, Emergency?
I need to report a theft.
Someone stole my weekend...
I last saw it on Friday...
I turned around & POOF it was gone!"
“It says here that you should greet Monday with a smile."
"Is Monday over yet??"
"Is it normal to be thinking about wine at this time on a Monday?
Asking for a friend."
"The Monday Lisa"
"It's all fun & games until Monday rolls around and you have to put a bra back on."
"If I manage to survive the rest of the week
I'd like my straight jacket in hot pink & my helmet to sparkle."
"It's been 'one of those days' for like, 3 years now."
“You’re a smart cookie,
a wise chocolate cake,
a brilliant pancake.”