I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
"First they'll give you butterflies
then mental trauma."
"I'm sick of these
10 second weekends."
"Stop having relationship problems
with someone you're not in a relationship with."
"Stop complaining about your life.
There are people out there dating your ex."
"Person:
WTF is wrong with you?
Me:
You mean today or like in general?"
"If we date, you never have to worry about me cheating on you...
I might eat something that was yours, but that's about it."
"If you were offered $900 million to sell a family member,
who would you sell?"
"Me:
I want to wake up with you for the rest of my life.
Him:
I get up at 5:00 am.
Me:
Never mind."
"About 4 minutes into my run,
I decided I want to work on my personality instead."
"2 pm: Proud of self for not buying ice cream.
9 pm: Mad at 2 pm self."
"If you're single, have some patience.
Your soulmate is almost done with those divorce papers."
"Is it just me?
Or do idiots multiply quicker than normal people?"
"Start the day with a brisk walk is what I say.
Start the day with a brisk nap is what I do."
"REMEMBER to:
seize each day...
and squeeze every bit of napping from it
and those treats won't eat themselves!"
--cat motivational speaker
"Monday...
It's like a terrible movie...
with sequels."
"It's been Monday
all week long."
☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕
"Can I please have a Monday-sized coffee to go?"
"Here's to Monday! Would you like cream, sugar or valium in your coffee?"
How to tell someone you hate them politely.
"You're the Monday of my life."
"May March 2023 be the plot twist you've been waiting for."
"Be someone who makes you happy."
"I don't know who needs to hear this right now.
But if you're going through a rough time...
don't cut your bangs."
"Based on my calculations,
I can retire about 5 years after I die."
"It's OK if you fall apart sometimes.
Tacos fall apart
and we still love them."
"Forget about the zombie apocalypse that will never come...
Worry about the idiot apocalypse that's already upon us."
"I wonder if clouds ever look down on us
and say, 'Hey look...that one is shaped like an idiot.'"
"Adult female friendships are mostly
sending messages and helping diagnose sociopaths in each other's lives."
"I'm going to be real pissed if I get my s****it together
and the world ends."
"I really hope my life doesn't flash before my eyes when I die.
There's some s****it I'd rather not see again."