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A women's work that is never done is the stuff that she asked her husband to do.
(5)
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❤️🙂

"First they'll give you butterflies
then mental trauma."
(2)
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😉

"I'm sick of these
10 second weekends."
(2)
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❤️🙂 advice of the day...

"Stop having relationship problems
with someone you're not in a relationship with."
(1)
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😉

"Stop complaining about your life.
There are people out there dating your ex."
(2)
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❤️🙂 

"Person:
WTF is wrong with you?

Me:
You mean today or like in general?"
(3)
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❤️🙂 

"If we date, you never have to worry about me cheating on you...
I might eat something that was yours, but that's about it."
(1)
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😉

"If you were offered $900 million to sell a family member,
who would you sell?"
(2)
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❤️🙂 

"Me:
I want to wake up with you for the rest of my life.

Him:
I get up at 5:00 am.

Me:
Never mind."
(2)
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❤️🙂 

"About 4 minutes into my run,
I decided I want to work on my personality instead."
(2)
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❤️🙂 

"2 pm: Proud of self for not buying ice cream.
9 pm: Mad at 2 pm self."
(3)
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❤️🙂

"If you're single, have some patience.
Your soulmate is almost done with those divorce papers."
(2)
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🙂

"Is it just me?
Or do idiots multiply quicker than normal people?"
(3)
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❤️🙂 happy sunday, everyone!

"Start the day with a brisk walk is what I say.
Start the day with a brisk nap is what I do."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"REMEMBER to:
seize each day...
and squeeze every bit of napping from it
and those treats won't eat themselves!"
--cat motivational speaker
(3)
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🤯🤮🤮🤮

"Monday...
It's like a terrible movie...
with sequels."
(2)
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🤮😡

"It's been Monday
all week long."
(0)
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❤️🙂☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕
☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕

"Can I please have a Monday-sized coffee to go?"
(0)
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❤️🙂☕

"Here's to Monday! Would you like cream, sugar or valium in your coffee?"
(0)
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❤️🙂

How to tell someone you hate them politely.
"You're the Monday of my life."
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❤️🙂

"May March 2023 be the plot twist you've been waiting for."
(0)
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❤️

"Be someone who makes you happy."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"I don't know who needs to hear this right now.
But if you're going through a rough time...
don't cut your bangs."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"Based on my calculations,
I can retire about 5 years after I die."
(1)
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❤️

"It's OK if you fall apart sometimes.
Tacos fall apart
and we still love them."
(0)
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🙂

"Forget about the zombie apocalypse that will never come...
Worry about the idiot apocalypse that's already upon us."
(1)
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🙂

"I wonder if clouds ever look down on us
and say, 'Hey look...that one is shaped like an idiot.'"
(4)
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❤️🙂

"Adult female friendships are mostly
sending messages and helping diagnose sociopaths in each other's lives."
(3)
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❤️🙂

"I'm going to be real pissed if I get my s****it together
and the world ends."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"I really hope my life doesn't flash before my eyes when I die.
There's some s****it I'd rather not see again."
(2)
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