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❤️🙂☕ gooooood morning, everyone!

"Today's Tuesday, also known as Monday Part 2.
Coffee, lots of coffee, please."
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😉

"My circle is so small, I started talking to myself."
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❤️🙂

"If you see me talking to myself, don't be alarmed.
I'm getting expert advice."
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🙄

"I just can't help it...
I'm even a bad influence on myself!"
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🙄

"I have NEVER
faked a sarcasm in my life."
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🙂

"Therapist:
It seems like you fall in love too easily.

Me:
What babe?"
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🙂🐈

Cat, looking at the empty bowl and then at the owner:
"What part of 'meow' don't you understand?"
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🙂🐈

"My sprit animal is
a grumpy cat, who slaps annoying people."
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🙄🙋‍♀️

"Raise your hand
if you think the whole world has gone crazy."
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🙂

"Do you remember the days when people were smarter than their phones?"
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❤️🙂🥗🥬🥕🍅🥒🍆🌽🥦

"I wish I were
the person I thought I'd be when I bought all these veggies."
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Love this site and the jokes!
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Thank you!!
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🙂

"Two tectonic plates bump into each other.
One says, 'Not my fault.'"
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❤️🙂

"For the fifth time...
I don't wanna come to your cat's birthday party, FREAK.
My dog is getting married that day."
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🙂

"Row, row, row your boat
gently off a cliff."
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❤️🙂

"I had a lot of stuff to do today.
Now I have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow."
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🙂

"...Counting to ten only makes it premeditated."
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❤️🙂

"You want a compliment?
I love when you leave."
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❤️🙂

"If I had a dollar for every time I thought of you
I would be broke."
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❤️🙂

"If I had a dollar for every existentialist moment I've ever had...Does money even matter?"
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❤️🙂

"If I had a dollar for every time a woman said, 'I hate you', I'd have enough money to change her mind."
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🙂

"Internet Law #1:
For every workout plan on the internet,
there is an equal and opposite dessert recipe."
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🙂

"Not all men are annoying.
Some are dead."
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🙂

"I can rise & shine
just not at the same time."
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❤️🙂

"I’m going to start the morning with a smile.
Please be patient. This could take a while."
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❤️🙂

"Today is the day
that I do everything tomorrow!"
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🙂

Reading a new book...
"How to Slap Someone Through the Internet"
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🤯😡

"Whoever woke me up
is going to die."
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🙂

"Seriously dude...
Is there a name for what's wrong with you?"
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