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😉

Empaths be like
"I got 99 problems
but 89 of them belong to other people."
(1)
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❤️🙂

Sign outside a house:

"Beware of the dog.
But beware of the cat too (he's kinda weird)"
(1)
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"They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could do any harm."
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❤️🙂

"It takes me like 3 days to wake up in the morning."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"I've decided to leave my past behind me, so if I owe you money...
I'm sorry, but I've moved on."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"The fridge is a perfect example of
what matters is on the inside."
(3)
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😉

"I'm 99% sure my soulmate is a DOG."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"I came
I saw
I left early."
(3)
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❤️🙂 yup, describes me perfectly.

"Not fast
just furious."
(3)
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❤️🙂 also describes me perfectly.

"I was normal 3 cats ago."
(4)
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"I, for one, was not kung fu fighting."
(1)
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Your last joke made me think of "PeggySue, I don't love you'. Probably inappropriate, but !!!
(0)
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❤️🙂 have a great weekend!

"Eagles may be able to soar high, but chickens never get caught in airplane engines."
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❤️🙂

"Don’t surround yourself with negativity. Surround yourself with food instead."
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❤️🙂

"Be a goal digger!"
(1)
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❤️🙂

"Should I put on my fancy pants or my smarty pants today?"
(2)
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😉

"Be yourself.
Somewhere else."
(3)
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❤️🙂

"Why don't you slip into something more comfortable
like a coma."
(5)
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❤️

Who invented hugs??
I mean the 1st hug would have been soooo awkward.
"What are you doing, why are you grabbing me?"
"Shhhh just trust me."
(2)
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WEDDING INVITATION - Quite Unique

I was invited to a wedding where it was written on two doors:
1. Brides relatives
2. Grooms relatives
When I entered Groom’s relative door there were two more doors.
1. Ladies
2. Gentlemen
Went through the Ladies and found two more doors.
* People with gifts
* People without gifts

I went through the door where it was written people without gifts and found myself outside the hotel through the back door. 😂🤣
(6)
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❤️🙂

“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.”
(3)
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🙂

“If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'”
(3)
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😉

“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.”
(3)
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❤️🙂 so true...

“It’s the job that’s never started that takes the longest to finish.”
(4)
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❤️🙂 haha, i need to post this one again.

"Today is the day
that I do everything tomorrow!"
(3)
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🙂

"You are the result of 4 billion years of evolution.
So act like it."
(1)
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❤️

"I have a happy personality
with a heavy soul.
Sometimes, it gets weird."
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❤️🙂

"I'm just here to
establish an alibi."
(1)
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🙂

"If your coffee order is more than 4 words
you're part of the problem."
(3)
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🙂

"Me (sobbing):
I can't see you anymore, I won't let you hurt me again.

Trainer:
It was a sit-up. You did one sit-up."
(3)
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