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❤️🙂

"Insomnia is a glamorous
term for thoughts you forgot to have in the day."
(3)
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😉

"Mood:
Wanna sleep for 3 years."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"I can tell today is going
to be a 'does not play well with others'
kind of day."
(1)
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❤️🙂 

"Sunday morning workout.
Coffee
cup curls."
(1)
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❤️🙂 

"I'm so confused when people say they don't
drink coffee.
What do you do?
Get an appropriate amount of sleep?
NERD."
(2)
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🙂☕

"Bad day? Coffee
Good day? Coffee
Stressed? Coffee
Happy? Coffee
Inspired? Coffee
Coffee? Coffee"
(2)
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😡🤯

"Me on my way to overreact." 😂
(2)
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❤️🙂 

"I 🐝 🌿 in you!"
(2)
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❤️🙂 

"One day I was born.
Then everything bothered me.
And that brings us up to date."
(4)
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😉

"Am I getting older
or is the supermarket playing great music?"
(3)
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❤️🙂 

"Just say
YIKES
and move on."
(1)
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"Expect Nothing and you will never be disappointed"

"Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it."
(3)
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❤️🙂 

"SUNDAY
A friendly reminder that you have approximately
24 hours to get your life together."
(1)
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🙂 just some humour from a comedian...

“A somewhat odd thing happened to me a couple of months ago — I lost my wedding ring. I was in one of those, um, what do you call it? Oh, a divorce! And now I have to find somebody new, which is easier said than done, because I was married for so long I have nothing. I have no game. I don’t know where the stadium is anymore. Because I’m so trained as a husband, that’s all I know. I’m just gonna be staggering up to women in bars, ‘Excuse me, I saw you sitting there all by yourself, and I thought you might have a long list of chores and errands you wanted me to do. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll come by your place and drive your mom to Target.’”
(2)
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🙂 more humour from a comedian...

“My brain is evil. It attacks me. It’s like a bully. I’ll be at a party, hanging out, and everybody’s having a good time, talking. My brain’s like, ‘Hey, you weirdo, you’re being too quiet. Everybody’s wondering why you’re such a quiet weirdo. Come on. Get in there, say something, you lunatic. Come on, you freak. Jump in, you psycho. Come on, get in there.’ Then you finally say something, and your brain goes, “Whoo…that’s what you picked?’”
(2)
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Never blame someone else for the road your on.
That's your own asphalt.
(4)
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❤️🙂 

"When in doubt,
blame Monday."
(0)
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❤️🙂 

"Be
f*****ng polite
PLEASE."
(0)
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😉

"I miss you like
an idiot misses the point."
(0)
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❤️🙂 

"Been there -
done that. Then
been there several more times, because
apparently I never learn."
(0)
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❤️🙂 

Monday...
Garfield:

"So much to not do.
Sigh.
I don't know where to not start."
(0)
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❤️🙂

A flying saucer in the sky. The UFO lands on Earth.

Garfield:
Whoa!

Green alien:
Greetings, Earthling. I come in peace.
I need a break. All we have to eat on my planet is pizza and jelly-filled donuts. All we do there is eat and sleep.

Garfield:
Abduct me!

Green alien:
Sorry, no can do. No room. I couldn't abduct you if I wanted to.

Garfield:
Oh...
Adopt me?

Green alien:
Sure, why not? Welcome to the family.

Garfield:
Can I borrow the keys to the saucer..."Dad"?

Green alien:
Boy, I walked into THAT one.

🙂
(0)
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❤️

"Please let me know
if there is anything I can do to help you
from getting me sick."
(0)
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❤️🙂

"Dear sneeze,

If you're gonna happen, happen.
Don't put a stupid look on my face and then just leave."
(1)
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🙂

"I don't always do the wrong thing,
but when I do,
it's the wrongiest of all the wrongs that ever wronged."
(0)
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😉

"It's not boring staying in the house for weeks in a row.
But how come one bag
of rice has 48,356 grains
and the other 47,998?"
(0)
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❤️🙂

"Want to escalate an argument?
Smile."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"I'm the type of girl
who will make a snack,
while waiting for another snack to cook."
(2)
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❤️🙂 so proud of myself! i had a GREAT workout today!

"My top 3 exercises:
1. Jumping to conclusions
2. Carrying things too far
3. Pushing my luck"
(1)
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🙂

"I don't always work out
but when I do,
I expect immediate, spectacular results."
(1)
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