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🤯😱

“If you think this is bad,
you should see what our government is up to.”
(3)
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😢🥺😘

“Whenever you feel sad,
just remember that there are billions of cells in your body and all they care about is YOU.”
(2)
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❤️🙂

“Dentist: Open up please.
Me: Sometimes I feel sad.”
(2)
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Give a weed an inch
And it will take a yard
(5)
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❤️

"Someday I will solve my problems with critical reasoning. But today, I will solve it with chocolate."
(2)
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❤️

“Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I'm here for you. Sincerely, fridge.”
(3)
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❤️🙂

“I wonder if the planet Earth teases other planets for having no life.”
(1)
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🙂

“Some people don't get sarcasm. They really don't.”
(1)
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❤️🙂

“15-LIKE”

Commitment issues in tennis…
(1)
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🙂

“Anything you can do
I can do a little bit worse.”
(3)
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🙂

“So I’ve been thinking
and I’d like for that to stop.”
(3)
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❤️🙂

“Only God can judge me
and honestly
he’s not a fan.”
(2)
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❤️🙂

“Heart meet brain.
You’re going to
hate each other.”
(2)
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🙃

“I feel very attacked
because of
that true thing you just said.”
(4)
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❤️🙂

“I can think of no good reason for acting my age.”
(4)
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😉

“Employees must stop crying before returning to work.”
(3)
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😇

“Not fast
Not furious”
(2)
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😉

"I'm not bossy.
I just have leadership skills."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The weekend!"
(2)
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🍤🍤🍤

"You are shrimply the best."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"Free business idea: emergency cat service

Having a panic attack and need a cat to sit on you and purr it away?

Travelling, and just can't sleep without a fuzzy maniac hopping on you?

Emergency cat services would have you covered, delivering a cat to your location post-haste."
(1)
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🙂

"Sometimes I want to be sarcastic but I'm afraid they wouldn't get it and could actually like me."
(2)
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🙂

"The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one."
(0)
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🙂

"My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, 'Who murdered this guy with a pipe?'"
(2)
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😉

"If they let prisoners take their own mugshots
would they be cellfies?"
(3)
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❤️🙂

"When you realize that the last day of 2023 will be
123123"
🙂
(4)
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❤️🤔

"Do birds ever fly just for fun or are they always on some kind of mission?"
(2)
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🙂

“Keep 🫘 bean you.”
(0)
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🏝

A man stranded on an island places rocks together to form this message:

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
I, BENDER, BID YOU HELLO!
YOU DON’T KNOW ME, THOUGH YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF ME, BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT, LONG STORY SHORT…
I NEED HELF

———
The man, looking at his last word “HELF”, says, “Damn, one rock short of being rescued.”
(1)
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Me: 🤯😱😡🤮😵‍💫🤯🤯

Also me: Why yes, I am a bit stressed. Why do you ask?
(1)
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