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😉

"God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die."
(1)
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❤️

"Relax. No one else knows what they’re doing either."
(2)
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❤️🙂 saturday morning...

"If you listen carefully,
you can hear Monday sharpening its claws."
(1)
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❤️

"If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"I wish there was something between coffee and cocaine."
(1)
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❤️🙂

Me: Is it weird to talk to yourself?

Also me: No.
(1)
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😉

‎"I've tried yoga, but I find stress less boring."
(0)
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❤️🙂

"I adore spontaneity,
provided it is carefully planned."
(1)
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❤️🙂

And by sweet "tooth" I mean
"teeth". All of them.
(3)
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❤️

"Friends don't tell friends
that 1980
was 40 years ago."
(3)
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❤️

"Shout out to all
the junk
I haven't bought yet...
I'm coming for ya..."
(3)
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😉

"I went to the paint store to get thinner...
It didn't work."
(3)
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❤️🙂

"The older I get
the more I understand why
roosters scream to start their day."
(4)
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❤️🙂

"I've decided not to be pessimistic.
It wouldn't work anyway."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"How soon after waking up is it OK to take a nap?"
(0)
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❤️🙂

“Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you’d like to lose 1/2 pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times.”
(1)
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❤️🙂

“Stress relief techniques include meditation, deep breathing and visualization of chocolate bars.”
(1)
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🙂

“Doctor:
You don’t need a colonoscopy, but I’m sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don’t like you.”
(3)
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🙃

“Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”
(3)
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😍

“Say no to hatred.
Say yes to pancakes.”
(0)
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😍 in case you’re looking for remedies…

“There is no remedy for pancakes but to pancake more.”
(0)
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😍

“Is it even called a brunch without ordering pancakes?”
(0)
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😍

“Life’s batter with pancakes!”
(1)
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😍

“cozy + smell of pancakes - alarm clock = weekend”
(1)
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😍

“I’m going to have pancakes with a side of pancakes.”
(1)
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😇

“I’m terrible at telling pancake jokes,
but I’m getting batter.”
(3)
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😍

"A brilliant idea just crêped up on me.
I'll have another pancake!"
(1)
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😍

Went to a pancake restaurant, and asked if my dinner would be long.

"No, sir, round," came the reply.
(1)
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🙂

"Happiness is temporary.
Death is forever.
Have a nice weekend."
(2)
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😉

"You can't do it.
Go back to bed."
(3)
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