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😇

"Death is more universal than life.
Everyone dies.
But not everyone lives."
(5)
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❤️🙂

"Dear cool people,
They didn't name a candy after you, did they?
Sincerely,
Nerds"
(3)
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❤️🙂🌮

"Have a specTACOlar day!"
(2)
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“I’m just one stomach flu away from my goal weight…”

🙂
(1)
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❤️🙂

“My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.”
(1)
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❤️🙂

"I learn something new every day.
And forget 5 other things forever."
(1)
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❤️

"Friendship is
...knowing each other's embarrassing nicknames."
(0)
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🙂

“Whoever woke me up



is going to die.”
(2)
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❤️🙂

“I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk or be around anyone.
I call this mood ‘awake’.”
(2)
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❤️🙂

"Tradition (noun):
Peer pressure from dead people."
(3)
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🙂🙂

"Going through life
one mental breakdown at a time."
(2)
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🙂🍪

"I'd give you a cookie...
But I ate it."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"Should I have a cookie? A Memoir."
(2)
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❤️🙂🍪

"You can’t eat just one cookie. It would get lonely. Be kind."
(2)
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❤️

"I plan to be spontaneous tomorrow."
(2)
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❤️

"Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up Over'?"
(2)
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🦷🦷🦷

"My dental hygienist is cute ❤️. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments."
(1)
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🙂🙂

Here's a list of things I'd like to do today:
(2)
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🙂🙂

"I hate it when I plan my day and nobody follows the script."
(3)
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🙂🙂

"I'm not convinced we've wasted enough time on this."
(2)
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😳

"They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"How come abbreviated is such a long word?"
(2)
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❤️🙂

"On the other hand, you have different fingers."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"Physically I'm here,
mentally I'm in a pool in Mexico,
ordering my 3rd tequila."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"That message felt like a great idea until I hit send."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"Welcome to your 40s.
If you do not already have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly."
(2)
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🍅

"Why did the tomato blush?
It saw the salad dressing."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"Why can't I be an emotional exerciser instead of an emotional eater?"
(2)
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🙂

"There is a reason the word 'die' is in diet."
(4)
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❤️❤️

"You're so sweet.
I just went into diabetic shock."
(3)
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