Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
❤️😉

"I need a break from my own thoughts."
(0)
Report

❤️🙂

"Note to self:
Double up on the happy pills for a week."
(0)
Report

❤️🙂

"Well, That Didn't Work"
--an autobiography
(1)
Report

🌮🙂

"I don't wanna
taco 'bout it."
(2)
Report

❤️🙂

"55 smiles per hour."
(2)
Report

❤️🙂

Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, "See? This is why I chew the furniture."
(3)
Report

❤️🙂

"You're incredibly mature for your age."

First of all, I'm traumatized.
(0)
Report

🙂

"Sometimes I feel like I have my life together
and then I'm like
wow
that was a really nice 45 seconds."
(0)
Report

❤️🙂

"Temporarily closed for spiritual maintenance."
(2)
Report

🙂

“I should get up.
…But I’m willing to admit when I’m wrong.”
(1)
Report

❤️🙂

"That awkward moment between birth and death."
(1)
Report

❤️🙂

"I just want to let you know
that if you ever need to have a plant killed,
I'm the person for that job."
(3)
Report

❤️🙂🍰

"Everything in life should be done in moderation.
For example, when you buy a large cake, don't necessarily eat it in one sitting.
Rather, eat half, have a nap, then eat the other half..."
(1)
Report

❤️🙂🏖️

"Happiness is
...doing nothing
and then resting afterwards."
(1)
Report

❤️🙂

"Look officer, I'm not being a wise guy.
All I'm saying is, if you caught me then you were speeding too."
(2)
Report

😉

"If I'm ever murdered,
feel comfort in knowing that
I ran my mouth until the bitter end."
(1)
Report

❤️🙂

"What do we learn from
cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It's impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking."
(4)
Report

🙂🙂

"Remember when you thought this year was going to be better than last year?"
(3)
Report

@Mrsribit! Look what you started? :) This is not the joke btw! Mrsribit are you still on the forum?

This is the joke below:

I was forced to go to a positive-thinking seminar. I couldn't stand it. So I went outside to the parking lot and let half the air out of everyone's tires. As they came out I said, "So, are your tires half-full, or half-empty?"
(3)
Report

I've finally got a car the turns heads. Mostly because of the knocking, rattling, and backfiring.
(4)
Report

My mom always says "Keep your chin up"
That's how I ran into the door..
(4)
Report

I went to the dentist. He said, "Say, 'Aaah.'"
I asked, "Why?"
He said, "My dog died."
(3)
Report

🙂

Wish list:
--Peace of mind.
(4)
Report

😉

"I had a better social life when I was like 8 years old
than I do now."
(2)
Report

🙂

"I moved past having a depressive episode.
I'm actually having a depressive series
haha
season 8 available now."
(1)
Report

❤️🙂

"Him:
Wow look at you trying to be romantic with all these candles.

Me:
First of all, I'm about to sacrifice you."

🙂
(2)
Report

🙂

"I'm not saying you're stupid.
I'm just saying you have bad luck when it comes to thinking."
(2)
Report

🙂

"It's very rude to talk
when I am interrupting."
(1)
Report

🙂

"What ended in 1945?
1944."
(1)
Report

😉

"It's not that I'm immature.
It's just that you started it."
(1)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter