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🤯

“Yeah, I’m about ready for the weekend.”
—me, Monday at 7:14 am
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❤️🙂

"I'd like to unsubscribe
from my on thoughts."
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❤️🙂

"I'd like to unsubscribe 
from my own thoughts."
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😉

"Wanted:
a tiny dragon to incinerate a***oles, sh***ty drivers, and dumb***sses."
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❤️🙂

Instead of my car saying stupid things like
"your door is ajar"

it should say helpful things like
"there's a cop hiding in the bushes".
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BOJ, I laughed out loud at the cops hiding in bushes.

I drive a 4x truck because I am a form believer that a car built to go 0 to 60 in 3 seconds should be driven that way, except for the cop hiding bushes :-) (of course the safety issue is a factor but, I would drive it like I stole it if I owned one)
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❤️

"If you are going to call the cops
every time you spot me in your bushes
I don't think this relationship is going to work."
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❤️

"Don't think of it as turning 30.
Think of it as being old."
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🤓

“By the time you’re 90 years old, you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.”
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🤯

“The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget.”
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🤓

“Grandpa, tell us about the days when you had to buy the whole album even if you only wanted one song.”
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😉

“The best years of a woman’s life…the 10 years between 39 and 40.”
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My Mom with dementia lived with me full time said,,,,I’ve been sitting here in this heavy metal chair so long watching you repair the fence I’m stuck to this chair. me-I’ll get a large putty knife and scrape you off. Begin scraping and unbuckle belt keeping Mom from wandering off. mom-thank you young man. You can take a break from work and get me some cherry pie. Tell the kitchen help it’s for Irene in number 161.
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😉

"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."
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😉

"My wife says I'm too competitive.
I told her I already knew that."
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❤️🙂

"My dog is a genius...
I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing."
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“It seems I have spent a lifetime of mouthing mechanically, ‘Say thank you. Sit up straight. Use your napkin. Close your mouth when you chew. Don’t lean back in your chair.’ Just when I finally got my husband squared away, the kids came along.” —Erma Bombeck
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What do you get when you drop a piano down a coal mine?
.
.
.
.
.
A flat minor!
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🙂🙂

"I even overthink my overthinking."
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🙂

"Hold on. I've gotta overthink about it."
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❤️ true story...

"I'm all out of clever things to say."
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"I think about you every day.
***hole."
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🙂

"Quiet.
I'm overthinking."
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🙂 .......

"Overthinking in progress."
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❤️

"Hey overthinkers, we're gonna to be OK."
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❤️

"Sleep
is for people without internet."
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❤️

I am a recovering people pleaser.
(Is that OK?)
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🙂

"I don't know who needs to hear this...
but you don't need anything from Amazon today."
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❤️

Dear New Year Resolutions,

Well, it was fun while it lasted.
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❤️

"Yes. I have oreos. No. You may not have any."
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