I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
"A dog walking away from the owner, unhappily. The dog says to himself:
It's always good dog, never great dog."
"Dolphin speaking to another dolphin:
If I could do only one thing before I died, it would be to swim
with a middle-aged couple from Connecticut."
"I resolve to delude myself into thinking
I'll be a healthier and more productive person next week."
"I don't understand how people get eaten by sharks.
Don't they hear the music?"
“Sometimes it freaks me out that there’s a skeleton inside me.”
“Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and sense of humour, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.”
"At the doctor's office.
Doctor starts googling my symptoms."
"Parent/teacher night:
Let's share the blame."
"Lost unicorn:
If found, please stop doing drugs."
"I was admiring your parking.
Seriously, I did not know
that the blind could drive."
"Let's eat kids.
Let's eat, kids.
Use a comma.
Save lives."
"It's like winter is really mad and
keeps storming out of the room and
then coming back, yelling, 'And another thing!'"
"Changing the toilet paper
will not cause brain damage."
"When I was your age, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel."
"Sorry, but I'm all out of sugarcoating."
"Of course this is my real personality.
Who the h*ll would fake THIS?"
"Sometimes I think I should try to be more compassionate and understanding...
and then you start talking..."
"I turned my phone on airplane mode
and threw it in the air.
WORST TRANSFORMER EVER."
"Love is in the air?!
Wrong.
Nitrogen, oxygen, and carbon
dioxide are in the air."
"Trust me
you do NOT want my
undivided attention."
"I don't know how to put this nicely...
so I won't."
"In the entire history of the word 'Fine'
it has never been used by a woman
to mean everything is good."
"All stressed out
and no one to choke."
"Don't you wish some people would start using
glue instead of lipstick?"
"Life is good...
You should get one!"
"My door is always open.
Hopefully you'll leave."
"All complaining positions
are currently unavailable."
"Never compliment a woman
on her mustache,
no matter how epic it is."
"I love it when my pet sighs,
like what ails you
my little unemployed freeloader."