I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
“A man standing on top of a mountain, after a long, torturous climb, says:
Ever go somewhere and completely forget why you’re there?”
Keep calm
&
Order pizza
Alternatively…
Freak out
&
Cry a little
Keep calm
because someday
these “Keep calm” signs
will go away.
"I'm not saying your perfume is too strong.
I'm just saying the canary
was alive before you got here."
"I think the lightbulb
above your head needs to be changed."
"Just so we're clear
I'm way more inappropriate in real life."
"Two things to make your day better:
1. Do not watch the news.
2. Stay off the bathroom scale."
"When I offer to wash your back in the shower,
all you have to do is say yes or no.
Not all this 'Who are you and
how did you get in here?'
nonsense."
"Look around.
All that clutter
used to be money."
"Whose bright idea was it to
allow spiders on the ark?
I want names."
“Everyone around me keeps telling me I'm mean.
Which is absurd.
Plus, they're ugly."
“Everyone complains about the weather
but no one wants to sacrifice
a virgin to change it."
“With my luck
I'll probably be reincarnated
as me."
"One of the weirdest things about being an adult is
having a favorite stovetop burner,
yet nobody talks about it."
"The angel on my shoulder
is purely decorative."
"These are some sounds I just love...
--shoes on gravel
--crackling of fire
--the snapping of necks of those who disrespect you
--cats purring."
"If I listen closely enough,
I can hear my guardian angel sobbing."
"Are you always this stupid,
or are you making a special effort today?"
"Vegetarians live up to 9 years longer than meat-eaters.
9 horrible, worthless, baconless years."
"I ran into my ex the other day.
I could have sworn the light was green."
"If Facebook taught us anything, it's that
a lot of you, are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee."
“Spent the morning at the farmer's market,
carefully selecting fruits and vegetables
to throw away next Sunday."
"Told you so."
Sincerely,
Your intuition
“I just can’t believe I have to be an adult for the rest of my life.”
“Did you know 14 muscles are activated when opening a bottle of wine?
Fitness is my passion.”
“My financial status:
I just rinsed off a paper plate."
"I'M NOT STALKING YOU!!!
By the way, you're out of milk."
"Being an adult
is a little out of my price range right now."
When I said, "I'd hit that",
I actually meant with my car.