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I caught an Uber the other day. The driver said, "Sorry it smells like alcohol in here, it's just the hand sanitizer." I told them, "That's fine, I haven't been able to smell anything for the last few days."
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What is this, some kind of sick joke?
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Venting- I get the jokes. Funny.
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I can tell this joke is going to go viral!
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I almost had a coronavirus joke, but I washed my hands of it.
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Dunno if this counts as a corona joke, but every time someone coughs or sneezes, tell them that you'll miss them.
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Before, if someone sneezed next to you, you'd say 'bless you'. Now you say 'f***ck off'.
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Even jokes were affected by the pandemic.

For months, nobody walked into a bar.
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I hear that these virus jokes are catchy.
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It’s the Germans spreading it according to scientists.

Remember to wash your Hans.
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It flu over my head.
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Covid Pick-Up Lines

Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket or are you just happy to be within 6 feet of me?

You can't spell virus without U and I.

I saw you from across the bar. Stay there.

Hey Babe! Can I ship you a drink?

Do you come within 6' of here often?

You’ll never worry about Covid-19 again if you come home with me. I have a lot more worrisome transmittable diseases than that baby.
(Oh wait. Maybe don’t use that one.)
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Touch my coffee and I will hit you so hard that even Google won’t be able to find you!
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It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend that you’re listening.
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Toughest job ever:

Working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self control that you would have to have.
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Old people at funerals always poke me and say, “You’re next!”

So now, I do the same thing to them at funerals.
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Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself for only $92 in crafting supplies?
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I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
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If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return Mondays!
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Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
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I’m not crazy. My reality is just different from yours.
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Definition of STUPID:

Knowing the truth

Seeing the truth

Yet still believing the lies
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After Tuesday,

even the calendar goes W T F
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I’m pretty sure if I smacked the stupid out of you, there wouldn’t be anything left!
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I have to stop saying,

How stupid can you be?

I think people are starting to take it as a challenge.
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We don’t stop playing because we grow old.

We get old because we stopped playing.

-George Bernard Shaw
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I always say what I mean…

I may not always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.
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People always tell me stupid stuff. You know, like their opinions.
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I have come to think of orgasms as the things I have really quickly while the guy gets up to look in the refrigerator for something to drink.
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I found my wife is faking orgasms. Four of my friends told me. RD
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