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The shape I’m in, I could donate my body to science fiction. RD
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, ‘Yes,’ you know he is a crook.
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The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You’ve Got It Made.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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One last blast of jokes before the New Year. I realize not everyone will be at a time of life to be in a jokey mood, for those I wish love & compassion.

Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.
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The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a "no bell" prize.

"no bell" get it? yeah I know silly.
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What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.
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I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves.
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Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
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The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now.
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Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it.
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What’s the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted.
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So what if I don't know what "Armageddon" means? It's not the end of the world.
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I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
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Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.
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A perfectionist walked into a bar... Apparently, the bar wasn’t set high enough.
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Having trouble getting up in the morning? Get an alarm clock that is inexplicably heavy and equipped with many knives, get a cat 🐈
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One minute you're young and carefree 💃🏻🕺🏻
and the next your grand kids are asking for help with their history project
because you were alive way back then 🤔
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Hah, CW. I read the joke about the alarm-clock-cat but didn't get it at first, for whatever reason.

"Would you like your alarm clock to be INEXPLICABLY HEAVY and full of KNIVES? Consider: CAT."

Indeed. 😸
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Oldage, I love pun-style jokes. Thank you... that's a fun batch you've posted. :)
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If I choke to death chowing down on gummy bears I really hope people will just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
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Water is the most essential element of life
because without water you can't make coffee
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Kids today don't know how good they have it with music lyric sites
We used to have to sing it wrong for years until somebody told us the truth
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Oh, god. I love the "killed by bears" one!
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Most days I like coffee more than I like people!
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I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens!
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What did the funeral director say on his first day of work? I finally found my final resting place!
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