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We keep a potato masher in the drawer because
sometimes it's fun not to be able to open that drawer.
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Saying "have a nice day" to someone sounds friendly.
But saying "enjoy your next 24 hours" sounds threatening.
(1)
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Sweet dreams are made of cheese,
Who am I to dis a brie?
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Yo!
Some of y'all didn't
collaborate and listen

AND IT SHOWS.
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I just want to let you know that if you ever need to have a plant killed,
I'm the person for that job.
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From a procrastination point of view, today has been wildly successful.
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🙂 People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.
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It turns out that when asked who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to pick one of your own. I know that now.
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Mental note:

Actual notes work better
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🪓 Let me help you!
Random axe of kindness.
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About empathy…

🙂 I need to stop walking in other people’s crap shoes.
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Tombstone engraving: I told you I was sick.
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As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
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I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
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They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
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Bundle,

LOL 😆 I actually have an uncle who has “I told you I was sick” on his tombstone.
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haha 🙂🙂🍀🍀
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🙃 Try calling someone just to tell them you can’t talk right now.
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I am a great housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.
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I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them.
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🙂 Earth is like the insane asylum for the universe.
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Warning:

Whatever is eating you must be really hungry.
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LOL has gone from meaning "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say."
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🙃 Answers are what we have to solve other people's problems.
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🙂 If history repeats itself, I'm getting a pet dinosaur.
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Try calling Pizza Hut just to ask for Domino’s phone number.
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not much of a joke. Just a silly moment and reminder to look for opportunities to laugh.
Helping my 82-year-old mom put her pull ups on and I could tell she was embarrassed that she couldn't remember how to put them on herself. I hugged her and told her that I love her so much. She said, "I love you and you have a good......... thinker." She couldn't remember the word "brain". She and I laughed and laughed.
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If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die.
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Comic strip:

An old grandmother, dressed in pink, holding on to her purse, is waiting for the bus at the bus stop.

The Grim Reaper appears next to her, with his scythe and dressed in black.

“Nice hoodie!” she says to him.

(The title of the comic strip is: Flirting with Death)
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Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
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